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I am a 39 year old woman. Married for 17 years. We have no children. All the years we've been married we've only engaged in sex 3 to 4 times a year. In the last 4 years my husband has not had sex with me.  I have told him I am a woman who still desires sex and would like to have it with him. I am sexually frustrated. I have depression. I cry all the time. I have never desired any man but my husband sexually, however I've started lusting and fantasizing other men. I know it is a sin. I pray. I read verses. I sing hymns and worship songs when I'm going through depression. However I am a flawed human. I needed to vent. I need words of comfort because I am at a loss.

"1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." -

I've never encountered that problem. So I'm ignorant. But Biblically this is all I came come up with:
Be aggressive, seduce him. As his wife you have that right. He may just have a low libido & you'll have to be the one to start the fire.

Is he on any kind of regular medication that might affect his libido?


Hopefully someone with better understanding or familiarity can offer better advice.

Quote from: LSCT on Fri Mar 08, 2019 - 19:56:43I am a 39 year old woman. Married for 17 years. We have no children. All the years we've been married we've only engaged in sex 3 to 4 times a year. In the last 4 years my husband has not had sex with me.  I have told him I am a woman who still desires sex and would like to have it with him. I am sexually frustrated. I have depression. I cry all the time. I have never desired any man but my husband sexually, however I've started lusting and fantasizing other men. I know it is a sin. I pray. I read verses. I sing hymns and worship songs when I'm going through depression. However I am a flawed human. I needed to vent. I need words of comfort because I am at a loss.

Has it ever occur to you that he's not straight? God made us sexually creatures, and it is totally unnatural for a man not to lust, and I would seriously be concerned that he's hiding something from you.  He is defrauding you of one of life's pleasures. Does he profess to be a believer? If yes, then ask him to read 1st Corinthians 7:2-5 and tell him that he is putting you in a VERY vulnerable situation that you do not desire to be in~but tell him this CANNOT continue as it is now.

He doing something I can 100% assure you of that. I have lived as a man for almost 71 years, I think I might know a little something about a man. He is lusting, just not toward you. It would totally be UNNATURAL for him not to do so. I would deal with this ASAP, the sooner the better. Be prepared for what you may find out.

Quote from: LSCT on: Yesterday at 19:56:43In the last 4 years my husband has not had sex with me.

You deserve more than what he is giving to you...shame on him.  He is NOT showing love to you by treating you this way. You do not have children so your loss would be nothing since you have nothing already.

Hello and welcome here. I am sorry for the position you find yourself in. I just wanted to say that this isn't as uncommon as some would think, for women to have husbands who aren't interested in sex. I have come across quite a few women in that position.

Can I ask you a few questions?
Does he watch porn? Some men will use porn for their sexual gratification and end up not being able to have a healthy sex life with their wives. Their brains become altered and their sexual desires skewed. Could that be the case with him?

If he isnt a porn user then has he been checked out medically? He may have a very low testosterone for example, which can be helped.

Are you both Christians? If you are then some good Biblical marriage counselling may help.

Do you want children? Does he?

Some, perhaps most, will find this answer obserd or fantasy.  Knowing the assortment of adult students I have taught and how easily they and people in general are offended, I warn you, if you are easily upset, read o further, this young lady needs answers and not the stuff learned in the Primaries Class.

My wife and I are both in our mid-seventies and have rode down some of life's rough roads.  That being said, neither of us has been burdened the way you have.

I recall my third devorce, before I converted ad married a Decon's Baby Girl.  I had no idea why I was having ED problems but she married me knowing I was anjd that the only reason I would give up was Sudden Death Syndrom.

We went through injecting that member with perscription drugs but that was temporary.  With that failing in the middle of the second vile, I returned to the Uroligist for rosthetic implants.   These Hydraulic Cylinders were perfect for both of us and ih addition to the Heart Felt Love our Master awarded me with for my Christian wife, together we had the ablity to act like teenagers that just oened Pandora's Box.

Why in the world did I post this reply?  I love all of YHWH's Children of whom you and your husand are members.  The very lasr thought I would grasp after is the Queer Life Style.  People get very upset with me and if I lived in Canada, I would be thrown into the Hoose-Cow because I teach the whole Bible and without a complete reversal or living a life f abstenance, the LGBTQ Folks will await the final resurrection in Hell and after the Great White Throne Judgement, they will suffer the Eternal Second Death in the Lake of fire.

Sit down anjd talk this over but I judge that you will, most likely need the counciling of your Pastor.  May YHWH pour out His blessing over you and your husband... hang in there.

Quote from: th1b.taylor on Sat Mar 09, 2019 - 09:29:40
Some, perhaps most, will find this answer obserd or fantasy.  Knowing the assortment of adult students I have taught and how easily they and people in general are offended, I warn you, if you are easily upset, read o further, this young lady needs answers and not the stuff learned in the Primaries Class.

My wife and I are both in our mid-seventies and have rode down some of life's rough roads.  That being said, neither of us has been burdened the way you have.

I recall my third devorce, before I converted ad married a Decon's Baby Girl.  I had no idea why I was having ED problems but she married me knowing I was anjd that the only reason I would give up was Sudden Death Syndrom.

We went through injecting that member with perscription drugs but that was temporary.  With that failing in the middle of the second vile, I returned to the Uroligist for rosthetic implants.   These Hydraulic Cylinders were perfect for both of us and ih addition to the Heart Felt Love our Master awarded me with for my Christian wife, together we had the ablity to act like teenagers that just oened Pandora's Box.

Why in the world did I post this reply?  I love all of YHWH's Children of whom you and your husand are members.  The very lasr thought I would grasp after is the Queer Life Style.  People get very upset with me and if I lived in Canada, I would be thrown into the Hoose-Cow because I teach the whole Bible and without a complete reversal or living a life f abstenance, the LGBTQ Folks will await the final resurrection in Hell and after the Great White Throne Judgement, they will suffer the Eternal Second Death in the Lake of fire.

Sit down anjd talk this over but I judge that you will, most likely need the counciling of your Pastor.  May YHWH pour out His blessing over you and your husband... hang in there.

She hasn't mentioned that her husband has ED, but that he just isn't interested.

LSCT, do you mind if I ask a few questions?

Did he act interested in a sexual relationship with you before marriage? Did you two have sex before marriage? If so was he into it then, but stopped as soon as you two got married?

When you've asked him about his disinterest in a sexual relationship with you, what does he say?

Does he appear to be attracted to other women? What about men? For the most part, men can easily compartmentalize sex and feelings. In other words, even when a man is stressed about work, family, or whatever, he'll still want sex with his wife - if for nothing more than tension release. Unless he's one of the rare people who are totally asexual, he's getting relief somewhere/somehow. Whether he's masturbating or having sex with someone else. Does he spend long periods of time locked in the bathroom? Does he leave the home and is gone in situations where you're not sure if he's being truthful about his whereabouts?

Do you personally have any gut feelings on why he's never been interested? Sometimes a wife knows. Other times, she's too close to the situation to see the forest for the trees.

One thing I hope you understand. Since he's been this way your entire marriage, it's not you. This is something he's brought to the marriage on his own and he owes it to you to be honest about it. Will he? Maybe not, but I hope so.

Quote from: RB on Sat Mar 09, 2019 - 06:00:24
Has it ever occur to you that he's not straight? God made us sexually creatures, and it is totally unnatural for a man not to lust, and I would seriously be concerned that he's hiding something from you.  He is defrauding you of one of life's pleasures. Does he profess to be a believer? If yes, then ask him to read 1st Corinthians 7:2-5 and tell him that he is putting you in a VERY vulnerable situation that you do not desire to be in~but tell him this CANNOT continue as it is now.

He doing something I can 100% assure you of that. I have lived as a man for almost 71 years, I think I might know a little something about a man. He is lusting, just not toward you. It would totally be UNNATURAL for him not to do so. I would deal with this ASAP, the sooner the better. Be prepared for what you may find out. You deserve more than what he is giving to you...shame on him.  He is NOT showing love to you by treating you this way. You do not have children so your loss would be nothing since you have nothing already.

While I do agree with you & you are probably more far correct than I. I just want to point out the exception. Sometimes (rarely) folks are like Paul "For I would that all men were even as I myself." They just don't have a libido. Lust is just not a problem for them. Those should probably never marry like Paul, because if they do, they are doing a great injustice to their spouse & are very selfish because they want the emotional comfort of spousal love without having to engage in all aspects of Spousal love. It is a shame.

Quote from: LSCT on Fri Mar 08, 2019 - 19:56:43
I am a 39 year old woman. Married for 17 years. We have no children. All the years we've been married we've only engaged in sex 3 to 4 times a year. In the last 4 years my husband has not had sex with me.  I have told him I am a woman who still desires sex and would like to have it with him. I am sexually frustrated. I have depression. I cry all the time. I have never desired any man but my husband sexually, however I've started lusting and fantasizing other men. I know it is a sin. I pray. I read verses. I sing hymns and worship songs when I'm going through depression. However I am a flawed human. I needed to vent. I need words of comfort because I am at a loss.

The only question that should be asked would be.....Do you take care of yourself, as far a looking your best for him causing him to desire you? If yes, then you have a problem on your hands that need to address ASAP~and you do not need a pastor involved in this~for many times they take advantage of a woman looking for love~you can handle this yourself~seek some godly women like mommydi by pm them and allowing them/her to guide you.

Quote from: RB on Sat Mar 09, 2019 - 14:01:01
..and you do not need a pastor involved in this~for many times they take advantage of a woman looking for love~you can handle this yourself~seek some godly women like mommydi by pm them and allowing them/her to guide you.

Thank you, RB, and thank you for posting the warning to her about how certain men are out there looking for a lover and will pounce on women in these situations.

Quote from: TonkaTim on Sat Mar 09, 2019 - 13:30:12
While I do agree with you & you are probably more far correct than I. I just want to point out the exception. Sometimes (rarely) folks are like Paul "For I would that all men were even as I myself." They just don't have a libido. Lust is just not a problem for them. Those should probably never marry like Paul, because if they do, they are doing a great injustice to their spouse & are very selfish because they want the emotional comfort of spousal love without having to engage in all aspects of Spousal love. It is a shame.

Yes, its true I sometimes go onto a marriage and relationship forum and there are many women there with similar stories. Not all men have this strong sex drive.