Hello, my name is Kalen....

kalen · Wed Jul 27, 2005 - 07:49:56

I've recently realized my "weakness": I'm a control super-freak.

What does this mean? It means I won't "allow" God to tell me what to do. I mean, I let Him in on the board meetings, take notes of his "suggestions", but when it comes right down to making the decisions, I let President Kalen do the job.

Needless to say, when I realized this (it hit me one day at work like a smack in the head), I became a teensy bit afraid. What does God do with people like me?

So then I started wondering why I was this way (I'm a psych student, and I'm a big believer in nurture over nature). I realized I had never been allowed much control as a child and young adult, and now that I'm out in the big bad world sans parents, I feel like I'm entitled to a little freedom. Though I strongly believe we should each learn and develop into our own skin, shouldn't that ultimately be for God's glory and not our own?

So here I am, a little stuck. I'm an inhumble person trying to humble myself enough to ask God to make me humble. Frankly relenquishing the power is a little scary because I see Him as I saw my earthly father: a control freak.

This is my confession. Does any one care to offer prayers, words of wisdom, advice? I'll let you in on the board meeting... and I just may take your advice. :;):

ConnieLard · Wed Jul 27, 2005 - 09:22:48

Kalen,
Congratulations! Realizing you have a problem is the first step. This is a problem many, if not all, of us share. For me, I think it relates to the fact that I was the oldest child in my family, used to being left in charge of my little brothers and sisters and even cousins. But I think all humans have a felt need to be in control in this big scarey world. Life will help you overcome this as you are faced with things that you con't possibly control and must then rely on God and the help of friends to get you through. That's what's happened for me, anyway. And immersing yourself in scripture, meditating on what He has to say about it all is important, too. Praying that you will soon find the freedom that comes from relying totally on Him to meet your every need. :angel:

CSloan · Thu Jul 28, 2005 - 14:02:42

QuoteDoes any one care to offer prayers, words of wisdom, advice?

May prayer is that you learn to trust in the Lord with all your heart, as each of us had to learn to do.

The only words of wisdom I can offer belong to the Lord.

O LORD, I know that the way of man [is] not in himself: [it is] not in man that walketh to direct his steps.
-Jeremiah 10:23

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
-Proverbs 3:5-6

My advice, trust in Him for He is trustworthy. May He bless you always.

-Charles[/color]

ollie · Sat Jul 30, 2005 - 04:25:04

Some of us want to control, some of us want to be controlled. It is the way of all flesh. Then there is Christ a way not of the flesh. Grow in Him. Let the charity of your heart in Christ be the motivator, not the desire for human controlling or being controlled.

Pray hard, study hard, work hard
ollie

charlie · Mon Aug 01, 2005 - 07:04:15

Self control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. Embrace it and thank Him for it. Dedicate your self control to God and see where that takes you.

kalen · Mon Aug 01, 2005 - 07:36:02

Thanks, you guys (and ladies). I appreciate your words (and prayers). I've been slowing down of late, letting go and letting God, and already He's proven Himself to me, not for His sake but for mine.

Again, thanks for the advice and encouragement. :)

Nevertheless · Wed Aug 03, 2005 - 13:05:07

For me, it took going to a place that was utterly out of my control -- clinical depression.

I felt like I had to fight tooth and nail to hold onto the least little bit of sanity, but I never felt abandoned by God. I knew that He was right there with me, going through this evil time right by my side. With me, by my side, but I was still trying to be in contol.

It was when I was right at the end of the rope, hanging on with all my might that I finally let go of the last shreds of my self-sufficiency. Do you know the verse that says, "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God?" It was terrifying. However, I may understand this a little differently than the Hebrews writer intended. It was the falling that terrified me. But the landing! How can I express the utter peace of being held in His hands after struggling so long with the terrors of my attempts at control?

That was the turning point in my battle with depression. No, it didn't just go away immediately, but I did start to heal. And it still raises its ugly head from time to time. And no, I am not now a 100% Spirit-controlled person. But I am not the person I was before this experience and I find that God doesn't have to slap my hands quite so hard to get me to let go of the reins as He did before.

Hopefully it won't take anything quite so traumatic to get your attention. :D

janine · Wed Aug 03, 2005 - 13:12:02

I'm thinking back to various times I have been braver than I am right now -- times when I did a swan dive off a figurative cliff, throwing myself into God's arms as it were, asking Him to shake whatever He had to shake to make me His sort of woman.

On my good days I am still able to do that -- to give up any feeble attempt of mine to control things, and to ask Him to make things satisfactory to Him.

Feel able to leap out into nothing today? :p

Nevertheless · Wed Aug 03, 2005 - 13:30:22

Actually, I've been battling the stomach flu, so today I'd have to roll rather than leap.

:D

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