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Just For Laughs...

Started by Fate, Tue Oct 08, 2002 - 11:48:54

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janine

Aahhhhh.... (That was a satisfied sigh, not an AAHHHHHHH! scream)...

I needed that.

After I carry Kid #2 to the doctor for his football-sprained neck,  and Grandma to the pharmacy for her life-sprained body, I will take myself on down the bayou to help distribute flood relief stuff.  Call Hurrican Lili a weather sprain.

janine

So, is it a below-the-equator clock?  Like, they ought to use it in Australia?  The toilet & bathtub run the "wrong" way down there... why not the clock?  :D  :D

janine

You should always hold your tea when reading funny posts.

The spillage will contribute to Sandi buying you more tea, more quickly.  This will contribute to a growing economy in Venezuela, all the grocers and shippers and tea importers will do well.  And sellers of new teacups, when you drop & break yours.

Thus, by drowning all the political unrest in the nation under a tsunami of successful free enterprise, you will become a national hero, beloved by all on all sides of the political fence.  They may nominate you for Catholic sainthood.  Or make you the next President... unless you can slip quietly away.

Booty

St. Brojees?  

Not if Rome has anything to do with it, their history with Irish saints has been anything but what they would like!!!

El Presidente?  Would I have to be diplomatic or simply a rogue?

Oh, straight down.... I tested!!

By the way, which freezes first, hot water or cold water?

WileyClarkson

Hot water --- of course.  The molecules are much more active and give off heat quicker.  Altitude affects the boiling point, but I far as I know, not the freezing point.

Now that we have an answer out there (right or wrong), let's discuss what the Scriptural implication of that answer is to the question of freezing time of hot and cold water - especially on the equator!!!  :D  ;)

Fate

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ~~~~

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

~~~~~

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:.You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:  "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and tell someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) about this post ...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.  :D  :D  ;)  :p  :)  :D  :0  ;)  :p

Booty

And all this from the land where you drive on parkways and park in driveways!!

Bless you Fate for a very welcome laugh and lightening the board quite a bit. I for one dearly needed a laugh.

Over my desk I have a sign I love so much that I had it's companion commissioned in Spanish. In english it reads:

.............................Illiterate?..............................

............................Write for help...........................

They flank my wonderful wee clock that runs contrary with all the numbers contrary as well.

Booty

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (janine @ Oct. 09 2002,03:00)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]So, is it a below-the-equator clock?  Like, they ought to use it in Australia?  The toilet & bathtub run the "wrong" way down there... why not the clock?  :D  :D[/quote]
AHA!!! Ach and now we know who slept in Geography classes!!

I am 9° NORTH Latitude!! And the clock is from Ireland!!

The Coriolisis effect is oh so true,
Down under,
it all runs asunder .
But here we swirl our loos
the same direction as you!


Actually you could just call it an Irish clock!!


And none of the Aussies I know would have any use for clocks!! Could it be their heritage!!



And I was not holding my tea when I opened your post!!   ;)  ;)

Top of the mairnin te ye Sister. Dia Duit!

janine

Ummm... if you are exactly smack-dab straddled over the equator, then which way does the commode empty?

Straight down, no spin?

Or does it hop a train to a bathroom a few degrees north or south, so as to have the decision made for it? :)

janine

Does it depend upon where the freezer lies?

Booty

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (janine @ Oct. 09 2002,05:10)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Does it depend upon where the freezer lies?[/quote]
Hmmm Do not believe so, the phenomena was discovered in Africa so it holds true in the southern hemisphere. I repeated the effect in the western hemisphere.

Now altitude may have a bearing, but I doubt it.  Hmmmmmmm?

And you do know how to rumple my front, don't you?

janine

And that lack of discernable swirl commodes display at the equator, according to Booty...

Hmph!  Not even a toilet can accomplish much sitting on the fence.

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