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I know that no one on this board really knows me personally, but I am having a very hard time dealing with the fact that I keep attracting jerks.
I have been told by friends and family members that I am a sweetheart but it doesn't seem like people see that part of me or maybe they do but they just want to take advantage of my kindness.
I know that people say that most women date their fathers but these men are approaching me and the minute that I think that they are  a nice guy they disappoint me. It's not only men but some women are jerks to me as well but it is mostly men.
I try to let the light from God shine through me but I just keep on getting treated like a dirty dish rag by people. I don't know if i am being persecuted or if it is something that I project through my personality.

Is it just me or has anyone else been through this?
What is it about me that makes people want to treat me so badly?

To be honest, I can't answer that question because I don't know you.  There may be something about you that jerks are attracted to, or it may just be a bad string of luck that will soon turn around.

I don't know either angeleyes but I can share my personal experience.  I always felt like I did the same thing--attract jerks.  In fact, I even had a psychologist tell me one time that my picker was broke because I'd say why do all my relationships seem to be where I'm just being mistreated.   Part of it, I've since learned is my picker was broke and part of it IMO was that I didn't know how to stand up for myself.  All I knew was to be nice and I didn't know how to say to someone, no, I really don't want to do that or go there or whatever.  I'd just go along becaue I didn't want to  upset anyone or I didn't want anyone upset with me and folks sense this--men and women as you said and they take advantage of that.  Gratefully today I've been given a set of tools that have helped me learn how to take care of me and at the same time be loving and kind to you.  Today, I can say no thank you and be okay even if you might get upset with me.  It's been a long process though and God is not finished with me yet!

Serenity,

I know what you mean because I am a very easygoing person and I hate to argue and a lot of times I think that I fear that if I confront someone that it might turn into an argument or worst. Especially nowadays with some people having road rage and killing and fighting one another. Sometimes i think that you have to be careful and perceptive when it comes to who to confront and when.

Sometimes I find myself backing down because i don't want to fight or argue. I mean is it just me or have people gotten colder and colder. Maybe this was what Jesus was talking about when he said that people's love for one another would grow cold, but what i have been going through has just been ridiculous. Sometimes it gets me to the point where I don't want to be bothered with people and at times not want to work, especially in a hostile environment.

I know that people have said that you have to have tough skin, in other words not let people or things get to you but it can at times be a challenge for me because I can be a little sensitive at times and maybe people can sense that too, but I can't help who i am and i am not sure that i want to change certain aspects of me and who I am.

Like they say misery loves company and I am afraid that there are too many miserable people around me and I can't help that. The only thing that i can do is pray, but what if God  wants his grace to be sufficient for me which it is but sometimes I feel as though maybe this is the longsuffering that is required of me. I mean that i do know that every Christian must go through some suffering but enough is enough it has been 7 years that i have been going through this and I just don't know what to do.

You hang in there angeleyes and like I said it is a process but keep on praying that God will give you what you need and pray that you will be open to what it is.  I was extremely sensitive and got my feelings hurt so easily until I met my present husband and he and his friend would make scandlous fun of me in a loving way so I would see that it was okay not to be perfect and it was good for me to learn to laugh at myself.  That was such a huge help in overcoming the sensitivity.  Being okay with who I am, warts and all, mistakes and all.  I think this perfectionist teaching we sometimes get can mess us up.  I now know its okay not to be perfect.  I also know it is okay if everyone doesn't like or approve of me.  That's another biggie!

Thanks so much. I really got a lot out of what you typed and I believe that God will give me what I need to count it all joy in the midst of these trials. Tomorrow is my first day on a new job, so please keep me in your prayers.

Thank you Spurly for your insight on my situation.

Angeleyes, I know what you mean about attracting jerks.  It does have to do with us not wanting to make someone feel bad. Like Serenity mentioned, not knowing how or when to say no. I oftentimes have jokingly said "my mom didn't teach me how to say no". I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. I listen to Dr Laura and she will tell people their picker outer is broken. I realized mine was broken about 14 years ago. I've been working on it. It seems to work for the most part. I don't give jerks a chance anymore. If they like being bad, they aren't getting my time. If they aren't respectful, I just pass them by.
We just have to realize we aren't here to please all others, We can't. We have to please God and in doing so, we will please others, not everyone.
There is a guy at my work that made some comment to me, when I told him that wasn't nice, he said "oh come on, you like bad boys". And I let him know that I DON'T!!
Now he's mainly being nice to me, but since I've seen the "bad boy" part of him, I am nice, but keep him in his place. I told him right before Thanksgiving that I was going to take down the wallpaper in my hallway, so he is constantly asking if he can come help me take it down. But he says it in a suggestive way.
I remember when I gave the bad boys chances and not the good guys!! That disgusts me!! My daughter grew up with always hearing from me that if the good girls wouldn't give the bad boys the time of day, the bad boys would change into good guys. Her husband gave his testimony in church last Sunday about not living with right choices, meeting my daughter and when she wouldn't have anything to do with him, he decided to change so she would give him a chance.
I, too, am very sensitive and let people get to me. For years I lived with a cold heart. I wasn't going to let anyone break it or abuse it again. Thank goodness, I opened it back up, and use it again. I think mine is too big, though. But, now I don't do anything alone. I pray and make my decisions based on what I see and expect in a good man.
I'll pray for you as I pray for me for discernment from God to lead us to make wise choices.

It wouldn't hurt to see a Christian counselor about issues of self-esteem and assertiveness and stuff like that.

Not that I have many modern ideas about "self esteem".  I am of the opinion that a healthily high enough self-esteem comes from a combination of:

* remembering that God thought you were worth dying for -- and

* learning to use your talents and abilities and graces to do some things you can do very well, and gaining confidence thereby.

I will keep you in my prayers angeleyes and hope you have a wonderful day at your new job!

angeleyes,

It may not be that you are attracting jerks per se.  The thing is that "jerks" are often the most forward and aggressive of people.  So, they're not afraid to approach.  Some of the nicer people may also tend to be more on the shy side.  I always noticed that "jerks" frequently get a lot more attention, while others are mostly ignored... that's because "jerks" demand the attention and like to be the center of attention, while those who are more quiet and just desire to be nice fade into the background.

So, it could be that some very nice people, that you may be overlooking, would like to get to know you.  But, they're more inhibited and don't want to intrude on your personal space, unlike the "jerks" who think nothing of it.

Which might mean that our angeleyes needs to work on gaining some self-confidence and reaching out to those shy ones, maybe?

Quote from: angeleyes on Sun Dec 17, 2006 - 16:39:22
I know that no one on this board really knows me personally, but I am having a very hard time dealing with the fact that I keep attracting jerks.
I have been told by friends and family members that I am a sweetheart but it doesn't seem like people see that part of me or maybe they do but they just want to take advantage of my kindness.
I know that people say that most women date their fathers but these men are approaching me and the minute that I think that they are  a nice guy they disappoint me. It's not only men but some women are jerks to me as well but it is mostly men.
I try to let the light from God shine through me but I just keep on getting treated like a dirty dish rag by people. I don't know if i am being persecuted or if it is something that I project through my personality.

Is it just me or has anyone else been through this?
What is it about me that makes people want to treat me so badly?

I know what you are comming from sort of,I am always attracting non christian guys .Sometimes I wish the tables were turned by Christian men being interested in me and asking me out instead of guys who don't know God. Why does this happen?Why is my time wasted by a scrub wanting to talk to me 

  You all have very valid and true points. Sometimes I think that maybe the enemy sends these jerks to not just me but also many others to discourage us from the blessings that God really does have for us and also to distract us from a closer relationship with God.

Janine you make a really good point about having enough self- confidence to approach others and possibly befriend the ones that are very similar to me, the quiet ones who are nice.

DCR what you said is really true. The more that I think about what you wrote the more I see exactly what you mean.

Starla I can definitely identify with what you were saying as well.

Thanks msbradley for your input and for your prayers too.

Well I'm off to work soon. You all have a very blessed and productive day.