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Hello everyone, I am new on here. I was wondering what was everyones oppinion on marriage after a christian has been through a divorce? I mean when he or she has had biblical rights to a divorce but wants to someday  meet the right man or woman and get married again one day.

Go right ahead.

Now that's my opinion; you'll get others I suspect.

To see the spread, do a search on this board for MDR.

First I would say welcome Krissy--glad you are here and I pray that God places in your life who needs to be there.   He did for me and for that I am so very grateful!  My advice would be more along the lines of just being open to what God has in mind for you.  I know at first I think I tried too hard to find a man and it wasn't until I prayed thy will not mine be done and then was open to that did I meet my wonderful husband!!  God is good and He will supply your needs!

Seems like I read some Scriptures tonight in Bible class that said something like,

"Are you married? Good, then, don't try to end it.  Have you ended a marriage?  OK, well, don't run off desperately searching for a new spouse.  But -- if you do marry again -- you have not sinned." 

"Some people have no interest in a spouse because they were born able to be alone -- sort of like a eunuch.  Some people are actually unable to be with a spouse -- a real eunuch, made that way by the hands of man.  And some people are content to live for God, making themselves into a kind of eunuch, desiring no spouse.  But not everyone is able to take this idea on board."

"It ain't good for a man to be alone."

If you can figure out where I got those passages -- from my own translation, God's Word Filtered Through Janine's Brain -- hah -- tell us here.  Otherwise I will post the locations.

Thank you everyone so far for your input. I am not looking for any man. ( giggle) but I did want to know if one should come into my life and he is the right one, if remarrying would be okay.
Right now I am busy being a mommy, full time student, and working on top of that.
I think I am going to like it here. Getting advice from other christians is always nice.

Krissy

Krissy, Al Maxey has written and EXCELLENT book on the subject.

Go here to look at the book:

http://www.zianet.com/maxey/

KP

Unfortunately I married twice. My first wife was never faithful to me. After she said to me, "I won't change", I gave up and we divorced. I felt justified in marrying again, which was a big mistake. My problem was I wouldn't listen to anyone--including God. Two weeks after we married, my second wife started sleeping on the sofa and criticised EVERYTHING I said and did, and I mean EVERYTHING. After nearly 8 months of constant criticism we ended it. I won't make that mistake a third time.

There are times I would prefer to be alone, too.  I can't say I'd wipe hubby out of my life if I could, though, because too many positive things came out of us being together.

And statistically speaking, he will die first and then I really will be on my own.  And wishing he were here, no doubt.

Either that or I will die first & then I won't be worried about any of this any more. 

But divorce is not allowed into the picture...  Murder, maybe, but not divorce. 

Quote from: janine on Sat Dec 30, 2006 - 14:34:25
But divorce is not allowed into the picture...  Murder, maybe, but not divorce. 

I know you say that in jest, but the truth is that is commonly accepted in many churches.  Why is that?

KP

Quote from: Jon-Marc on Tue Dec 26, 2006 - 19:39:34
Unfortunately I married twice. My first wife was never faithful to me. After she said to me, "I won't change", I gave up and we divorced. I felt justified in marrying again, which was a big mistake. My problem was I wouldn't listen to anyone--including God. Two weeks after we married, my second wife started sleeping on the sofa and criticised EVERYTHING I said and did, and I mean EVERYTHING. After nearly 8 months of constant criticism we ended it. I won't make that mistake a third time.

I am going what you went through, my first wife was not faithful, my current wife (I am filing for divorce) has brought me to the emotional brink. I used to post here all the time because I enjoyed the "online" fellowship, but now I feel so far removed from the Lord and I haven't been to church in months. I know God brought me here tonight, maybe coming back here will help me get back on the spiritual path.

Kristy I got remarried real quick after my divorce, my advice is to really TAKE YOUR TIME! May God bless you if you find the right man.

my humble 2 cents

Rick

Quote from: k-pappy on Tue Jan 02, 2007 - 12:22:07

Quote from: janine on Sat Dec 30, 2006 - 14:34:25
But divorce is not allowed into the picture...  Murder, maybe, but not divorce. 

I know you say that in jest, but the truth is that is commonly accepted in many churches.  Why is that?

KP

No, murder is not commonly accepted in many churches! You know it's not.

Quote from: janine on Thu Jan 04, 2007 - 06:56:08

Quote from: k-pappy on Tue Jan 02, 2007 - 12:22:07

Quote from: janine on Sat Dec 30, 2006 - 14:34:25
But divorce is not allowed into the picture...  Murder, maybe, but not divorce. 

I know you say that in jest, but the truth is that is commonly accepted in many churches.  Why is that?

KP

No, murder is not commonly accepted in many churches! You know it's not.

Murder is not commonly accepted of course, but I bet it would allow for remarriage because the spouse is dead.  This would be scriptural!

Quote from: janine on Thu Jan 04, 2007 - 06:56:08

Quote from: k-pappy on Tue Jan 02, 2007 - 12:22:07

Quote from: janine on Sat Dec 30, 2006 - 14:34:25
But divorce is not allowed into the picture...  Murder, maybe, but not divorce. 

I know you say that in jest, but the truth is that is commonly accepted in many churches.  Why is that?

KP

No, murder is not commonly accepted in many churches! You know it's not.

heh, no...murder is definitely not accepted....but if I killed my spouse, did my time repented and got right with Jesus, I would be accepted in any congregation...if I divorced her, there are many congregations that would never accept me.  That is what I was getting at...I apologize for not being more clear.

KP

You guys kill me!   Oops, gives the mrs. a chance.  I take that back.

Quote from: k-pappy on Thu Jan 04, 2007 - 12:50:13
...I apologize for not being more clear.

KP

I thought you were refering to the Winkler case.

Quote from: k-pappy on Thu Jan 04, 2007 - 12:50:13

Quote from: janine on Thu Jan 04, 2007 - 06:56:08

Quote from: k-pappy on Tue Jan 02, 2007 - 12:22:07

Quote from: janine on Sat Dec 30, 2006 - 14:34:25
But divorce is not allowed into the picture...  Murder, maybe, but not divorce. 

I know you say that in jest, but the truth is that is commonly accepted in many churches.  Why is that?

KP

No, murder is not commonly accepted in many churches! You know it's not.

heh, no...murder is definitely not accepted....but if I killed my spouse, did my time repented and got right with Jesus, I would be accepted in any congregation...if I divorced her, there are many congregations that would never accept me...

Depends what you mean by "accept".

If you mean "tolerate in the pews" that's one thing.

If you mean "be allowed fully into church life, take your turn preaching when the minister goes on vacation, be responsible for the collection, teach a class on marriage..." than hah!  nope!

And I don't think the death of the spouse would mean anything to that minority (I hope it's a minority) who hold to that quirky "guilty spouse/innocent spouse" doctrine.  If a spouse committed adultery, by their standards, the innocent party could remarry but the guilty one remains eternally un-marry-able.  Presumably even if the innocent one dies or is murdered.

Hey Rick, I am taking it slow. I have been divorced now for almost four years. I am in no hurry. I am sorry your marriage did not work out. The whole marriage thing has me worried these days. It seems that people these days do not try when things start going wrong in the marriage. It seems to easy these days to lay back and say well we should just divorce. Its so scarey, yet as a human , like any other human that breathes air , I desire a mate, and love.
I am not refering to your marriage by the way, I just mean society as a whole. I got divorced for several reasons. My husband was unfaithful, he abandoned us for his job, and ruined our credit, and was starting to get abusive. All reasons I believe gave me the right to move on. Yes, we tried the counceling, and our pastor told him on several occassions that he had to quit what he was doing, to no prevail. He clamimed to be saved, but I never once saw any fruits of any kind to show me this was true. I believe often that he did the mouth thing because before we married I recommited my life to Jesus and he just followed through for looks, but I could be wrong. Now I am not saying I was innocent in the marriage, because after all it takes two, right?
Anyway I realize I do not have to confess my past to you all, but I just wanted to share what brought about divorce in my life. Now that he is moved in with the gf he hardly ever speaks to our six year old, and comes up with exscuses as to why he doesn't. Like there is any exscuse for ignoring your children.

There is every reason in the world to continue in a rough rocky marriage "for the children" -- but issues like the ones you brought up make that impossible sometimes.

Quote from: KRISSY on Sun Jan 07, 2007 - 18:15:19
Hey Rick, I am taking it slow. I have been divorced now for almost four years. I am in no hurry. I am sorry your marriage did not work out. The whole marriage thing has me worried these days. It seems that people these days do not try when things start going wrong in the marriage. It seems to easy these days to lay back and say well we should just divorce. Its so scarey, yet as a human , like any other human that breathes air , I desire a mate, and love.
I am not refering to your marriage by the way, I just mean society as a whole. I got divorced for several reasons. My husband was unfaithful, he abandoned us for his job, and ruined our credit, and was starting to get abusive. All reasons I believe gave me the right to move on. Yes, we tried the counceling, and our pastor told him on several occassions that he had to quit what he was doing, to no prevail. He clamimed to be saved, but I never once saw any fruits of any kind to show me this was true. I believe often that he did the mouth thing because before we married I recommited my life to Jesus and he just followed through for looks, but I could be wrong. Now I am not saying I was innocent in the marriage, because after all it takes two, right?
Anyway I realize I do not have to confess my past to you all, but I just wanted to share what brought about divorce in my life. Now that he is moved in with the gf he hardly ever speaks to our six year old, and comes up with exscuses as to why he doesn't. Like there is any exscuse for ignoring your children.

I am real sorry to hear about you and especially your six year old. I pray God moves his heart to be a father and a man in spite of what he might feel about you. I will admit me and my ex have maintained a good relationship for the children, although they will always have their childhood permanently "scarred".

my humble 2 cents

Rick

Krissy,

Can you remarry, absolutely.  As mentioned before, 1 Cor. 7:27-28 basically says, if you're married, don't seek a divorce. If you're divorced, don't be looking to get married, but if you do you don't sin."  And by the way, in 1 Cor. 7, Paul is telling all singles that it's best not to marry if you can handle it. If not, it's better to marry than to burn.

By the way, for anyone interested, I've written a book on this subject entitled, "God Is A Divorce' Too!"  You can preview much of it on Amazon.com or find out more on my web site www.shermannobles.com .  I'll be starting a topic on this under Theology soon. Keep an eye open for it.

Blessings,
Sherman Nobles

Thought for Rick --

It's hard and horrible, the scars we leave on our kids when we get into adult messes.

But -- think of this -- life in general is a scarring experience.  If it hadn't been marital troubles, it might have been catastrophic illness.  if not that, then y'all might have been a family on the other side of the world, caught up in a genocide.

See?  We surely need to stay close to God and remain humble about anything we have done or failed to do in life that led to a hurtful situation... But sometimes we can behave as perfectly as we know how, and the bad stuff still happens.

The key is to continue to pour our as much love as we possibly can -- and to submit to the Lord so's we can access His love, and pour that out too.  Bathing our lives and children in love can smooth over a million sad situations and give them (and us) the tools we need to live a life of triumph no matter what.

(Yes, I really believe all that.      )

Since nobody has brought it up yet, I'll mention these words of Jesus:

QuoteMatt 5:31-32
31  "It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'
32  But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (RSV)

Those who want to take a hard-line on the issue certainly have Scriptural support for doing so.

I had a hard think about this a few years back when my brother married a divorced woman.  She had been married to a physically abusive man, but stuck with him out of a submission to what she understood God's will to be.  It was only when the police warned her that her children would be taken away from her if she stayed with her husband that she got a divorce.

At the end of the day, I decided that there was enough indication that the issue was in some measure cultural rather than absolute for me to take Jesus' words as a command for all Christians in any situation.

On another occasion I supported hiring an associate minister who had had a divorce a couple of years earlier.  As has been mentioned here, in some Christian circles divorce is unforgivable--no amount of repentence short of remarriage to the same spouse is enough for one to be considered fit for ministry (not that we make a distinction between laity and clergy, of course).  I believe there is room for grace and redemption even here.

I suppose there is some justification to the view that we should pay less attention to our culture's boundaries of "wedding license" and "divorce proclamation," and consider that in some sense the person who files for that divorce paper may simply be recognizing a very real ongoing breach in the relationship.

There is a little fear in the back of my mind, though, that such things will be taken as encouragement to lightly divorce by others who hear me saying "cultural" and "mitigating circumstances" and "grace."  Certainly something is giving people in our day the impression that marriage is something to lightly enter into and get out of.  Because of clear Scripture such as the one I cite above, I try not to shut that little voice up.  I also note that many unbelievers are very reluctant to divorce--preferring long-term separation, for example, or continuing to live out their lives in bitter relationships.  So I guess I consider some remarriage after divorce wrong, but am willing to treat the wrongdoers with love and grace and fellowship; we're all in need of repair.

Quote from: Chris on Thu Jan 25, 2007 - 07:05:21
Since nobody has brought it up yet, I'll mention these words of Jesus:

QuoteMatt 5:31-32
31  "It was also said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'
32  But I say to you that every one who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes her an adulteress; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. (RSV)

Sadly, Jesus word's have been traditionally ripped from their cultural and literary context and interpreted to mean something very different than what he meant.  The primary passage is in Mt.19. There one can find that the context concerned the Pharisees debate over the "any reason/matter" divorce promoted by Hillelite Rabbis and opposed by Shammaite Rabbis. It was a debate over divorce legislation.

If you read further, Jesus is asked about why Moses instituted the Bill of Divorce. Jesus responds that Moses (was inspired to) institute the Bill of Divorce because, #1 people get hard hearted towards one another making some marriages intolerable, and #2 to stop the practice of men putting away their wives, causing them to commit adultery, and the men that marry them to commit adultery. It stopped this by bringing a legal end to marriages and thus freeing rejected wives to marry someone else.

In the ancient Near-East, men could abandon, kick out their wives, be seperated for years refusing to support them, and yet these wives still belonged to these evil men. God was against this oppression of women and thus inspired Moses to legislate the bill of divorce to legally free rejected/abandoned wives to be legally divorced and marry someone else legally.

Sadly, as I mentioned, if one reads Jesus' words without understanding the Historical and Cultural context, one will completely misunderstand Him. The Gentile branch of the church has misinterpreted Jesus' words concerning divorce ever since they rejected their Jewish roots in the early 2-4 Centuries. Based upon these misinterpretations, the Gentile branch of the Church developed a complete doctrine concerning MDR that is full of error and evil.

If you want to read more on this, I've written a book, "God Is A Divorce' Too!" You can preview much of it on Amazon.com.

Blessings,
Sherman Nobles

it says a woman is not to divorce her husband or she must remain unmarried or reconcile.. 1 cor 7:10-11.... it also says a woman is not allowed to divorce her husband nor get married to another man, "as long as living" the husband of her (even after a divorce) 1 Cor 7:39 because she was bound of law to her living husband as long as he lives Rom 7:2-3.  Remarriage is a sin, until a woman is said to be a widow 1 Tim 5:9, 1 Cor 7:8-9,..

michael, your bro..