Christian Forums

When I am out and about I meet different guys who want to talk to me. I met this one guy last week who wanted to hook up with me but I was not interested because:

1. He told me he just got out of prison.

2. While he was talking to me on the bus, he had a Black and Mild cigar in his hand and he had the nerve to put his arm around me and act like he was my boyfriend and I had not met the guy before.

4. I could not talk to him nor have a decent conversation because he was talking like one of those rapper guys.

To cut the long story short I was not interested when he asked me for my number and a hug.

Then I met another guy while I was waiting for the bus.This guy was on his way to hook somebody's cable, I guess he is the cable guy.  He asked me for my number, I told him I would not give him my number because I didn't know anything about him, meeting him off the street, but I told him if I saw him again I would maybe give him my phone number because he seemed somewhat decent, it's just that I didn't know him that well.

What I am asking of your input is could it be that these guys that I am meeting, are sent from God to show them the right way or should I just wait till I meet a guy who is a Christian just like myself?   

Never settle for anyone who could cause pain in your life just because you're lonely and afraid you won't find someone else.

I know of some who have found that out the hard way.

Starla,
You have to do what you feel is right. You assess what they present.

The first guy seemed not interested in anything but being "cool" and of the world.

The second guy you didn't describe anything except for what his job might be, but he seemed to present himself in a way that was acceptable to you.

Would you call a guy? If you thought you might want to give the 2nd guy a chance if you ran in to him again, why not take the chance the 1st time you ran into him?

If it were me, the first guy didn't present anything he has in common with me. The 2nd guy seems to have triggered an interest in you. I would have either given him my number then, or gotten his and called him later.

I'm more prone to do that now that I am old than when I was young, though. When I was young, I "flirted" back, but I never was the instigator. Nor would I have ever called the guy.

Now, I'd give out my number, then when we talked, I'd have my calculator out adding everything up as our conversation continues.  If I decide it's a negative number, I tell them the reasons we don't click. If there are positive things I am interested in, I keep the conversation going.

This happened to me not too long ago. I found myself having to call a man many times in a short period of time,  who works with some information at his job that I needed for my job.

Instead of him just taking the info and looking it up and calling me back, he got to where he'd just keep me on the phone while he retrieved the information I needed from him.

He'd constantly say nice things to me and compliment me and keep me on the phone for more than 20 minutes at a time while getting me my info I needed. He was seeming really interesting.

He went on vacation, I had to call his coworker for information and he told me the man was interested in me. So, when he came back, the long conversations started up again. We started sharing personal information.

When I told him I was a Christian and hoped he was too, I could tell he wasn't and didn't like that I hoped he was. So, my interest in him was over. Now we're back to me just using him for his info to get my job done. If he thought he might be interested in knowing about my faith, I would have kept on. But when I could tell he wasn't interested in my faith, I knew we weren't standing on common ground.

You just have to do what you feel is comfortable for you.

When I was your age, there were plenty of fish in the sea, so I never worried about ones getting away. Nowadays, I wish I liked to fish. I'd even take a kiddy pool with just 1 teeny weeny fish in it.

Quote from: DCR on Wed Feb 14, 2007 - 23:24:30
Never settle for anyone who could cause pain in your life just because you're lonely and afraid you won't find someone else.

I know of some who have found that out the hard way.

QuoteNever settle for anyone who could cause pain in your life said by DCR

That's true to not settle for anybody just because you want a boyfriend or girlfriend.I made that mistake when I was 18 with one of my exes.I wanted a boyfriend so badly that answered his ad in the personals.I was 18 and he was 25. Big mistake.He turned out to be slick,a liar and not too good taste in how he presented himself and his lifestyle.

Quote from: msbradley on Wed Feb 14, 2007 - 23:50:34
Starla,
You have to do what you feel is right. You assess what they present.
The first guy seemed not interested in anything but being "cool" and of the world.
The second guy you didn't describe anything except for what his job might be, but he seemed to present himself in a way that was acceptable to you.
Would you call a guy? If you thought you might want to give the 2nd guy a chance if you ran in to him again, why not take the chance the 1st time you ran into him?
If it were me, the first guy didn't present anything he has in common with me. The 2nd guy seems to have triggered an interest in you. I would have either given him my number then, or gotten his and called him later. I'm more prone to do that now that I am old than when I was young, though. When I was young, I "flirted" back, but I never was the instigator. nor would I have ever called the guy.
Now, I'd give out my number, then when we talked, I'd have my calculator out adding everything up as our conversation continues.  If I decide it's a negative number, I tell them the reasons we don't click. If there are positive things I am interested in, I keep the conversation going.
This happened to me not too long ago. I found myself having to call a man many times in a short period of time,  who works with some information at his job that I needed for my job. Instead of him just taking the info and looking it up and calling me back, he got to where he'd just keep me on the phone while he retrieved the information I needed from him. He'd constantly say nice things to me and compliment me and keep me on the phone for more than 20 minutes at a time while getting me my info I needed. He was seeming really interesting. He went on vacation, I had to call his coworker for information and he told me the man was interested in me. So, when he came back, the long conversations started up again. We started sharing personal information. When I told him I was a Christian and hoped he was too, I could tell he wasn't and didn't like that I hoped he was. So, my interest in him was over. Now we're back to me just using him for his info to get my job done. If he thought he might be interested in knowing about my faith, I would have kept on. But when I could tell he wasn't interested in my faith, I knew we weren't standing on common ground.
You just have to do what you feel is comfortable for you.
When I was your age, there were plenty of fish in the sea, so I never worried about ones getting away. Nowadays, I wish I liked to fish. I'd even take a kiddy pool with just 1 teeny weeny fish in it.

Quotewhy not take the chance the 1st time you ran into him said Ms Bradley

I don't know. Before I met Jim,that is my ex of five years,the one I had met thru one of the personals,I wasn't afraid to give a guy my phone number the first time and giving him my address,if I had thought he would been worthy enough to get to know.I guess my mindset was an 18 year old who wanted a boyfriend that she didn't care who he was,sort of, or where he came from,.It was like how cool and exciting it is for a teenage girl to have somebody to hook up with. Now if I am giving a guy my address he has to be somebody that I can really invite over to my house and enjoying each other's company without him wanting something in return or me giving into temptation,if you know what I mean,bedroom+temptation=lust.

Having just gotten out of prison is not by itself a bad enough sign that you could not agree to meet up with a man in a public place, like maybe to have a cup of coffee in a coffee shop.

And any time you do something like that you get all the info you can about him and you make sure someone knows where you are going -- and not just for the ex-inmate, but for any man you meet in a quick way, like personal ads or at a bus stop.

I like the idea of getting HIS number.  You see, if you get whatever info from him that he will give -- his full name, his phone number, even something so casual as where he went to high school or what street he lives on, then you can look up all about him on the Internet.

Search engines are our friend.

You do realize that if he has your name and a phone number he may be able to look up all sorts of stuff about you, as well?

So much is so flexible in these situations.  I would not necessarily be alarmed by a fellow I had only just now met putting a friendly arm across my shoulder if the situation and the conversation seemed to call for it.  But, see, he'd have to be doing it in a definite "uncle" or "buddy" way.  And it would have to be brief.

Most of the time, someone I'd just met who wanted to touch anything more than my hand when shaking would creep me out.   Everything would hang on how I read the situation, what sort of "feeling" I read off him.

Call it subliminal communication at such a basic level you can't really tell you're sending and receiving signals.  Call it the leading of the Spirit if you want -- I have been through times when I was absolutely positive it was the Holy Spirit of God trying to guide me into or out of a situation with another person.

I really like the idea of collecting the guys' phone numbers when they offer them.  Unless, like the fellow on the bus, you just KNOW he's too creepy.  Then don't bother.

Quote from: janine on Sat Feb 17, 2007 - 16:23:39
Having just gotten out of prison is not by itself a bad enough sign that you could not agree to meet up with a man in a public place, like maybe to have a cup of coffee in a coffee shop.

And any time you do something like that you get all the info you can about him and you make sure someone knows where you are going -- and not just for the ex-inmate, but for any man you meet in a quick way, like personal ads or at a bus stop.

I like the idea of getting HIS number.  You see, if you get whatever info from him that he will give -- his full name, his phone number, even something so casual as where he went to high school or what street he lives on, then you can look up all about him on the Internet.

Search engines are our friend.

You do realize that if he has your name and a phone number he may be able to look up all sorts of stuff about you, as well?

So much is so flexible in these situations.  I would not necessarily be alarmed by a fellow I had only just now met putting a friendly arm across my shoulder if the situation and the conversation seemed to call for it.  But, see, he'd have to be doing it in a definite "uncle" or "buddy" way.  And it would have to be brief.

Most of the time, someone I'd just met who wanted to touch anything more than my hand when shaking would creep me out.   Everything would hang on how I read the situation, what sort of "feeling" I read off him.

Call it subliminal communication at such a basic level you can't really tell you're sending and receiving signals.  Call it the leading of the Spirit if you want -- I have been through times when I was absolutely positive it was the Holy Spirit of God trying to guide me into or out of a situation with another person.

I really like the idea of collecting the guys' phone numbers when they offer them.  Unless, like the fellow on the bus, you just KNOW he's too creepy.  Then don't bother.

QuoteI like the idea of getting HIS number.  You see, if you get whatever info from him that he will give -- his full name, his phone number, even something so casual as where he went to high school or what street he lives on, then you can look up all about him on the Internet. said  janine

So there is'nt anything wrong with asking a guy for his phone number when he does'nt ask for yours ,am I correct.

Lord have mercy, child.  You ain't walking up to a stange man and hiking your skirt up and offering him a ride, for goodness' sake.  If he seems articulate and presentable and has a couple of brain cells in his head, if you think you could at least like him enough to go drink a Coke with him or invite him to church with you or something "safe" like that --

In these weird and unsafe times, the wise thing to do it to get his number and check him the heck out!!!

Then, if it looks like he is probably not an axe-murderer, then you call him and chat.  If you are shy about asking him out, just make it a nice chat and make sure he has your number.  He might call back and invite you out.

I'd still rather have control.  He can give me his number and he can come along with me to the coffee shop or something.  It doesn't hurt to be careful.

As far as you "making the first move", asking him for his number when he hasn't asked for yours -- well, as I said, you're not throwing yourself down on the side walk and screaming "Make me a baby, sugar lips!"

You're merely asking for his number!  He can always refuse.  Or make up a fake number, as women who are not brave enough to refuse have done for years.

And re: your first example guy, the one who was recently released from jail --

If a guy talked and acted the way that one did, it would not be the jail time that would turn me off -- it would be the inarticulate slanging of a wanna-be rapper, and the forward behavior. 

I know gentlemen who know how to behave like gentlemen who have done jail time.  No shame in paying your debt to society and going on from that point trying to live right.

Mister Cigar-in-my-face, touchie-feelie on the bus wouldn't cut it for me, though.

Quote from: janine on Sun Feb 18, 2007 - 22:31:37
And re: your first example guy, the one who was recently released from jail --

If a guy talked and acted the way that one did, it would not be the jail time that would turn me off -- it would be the inarticulate slanging of a wanna-be rapper, and the forward behavior. 

I know gentlemen who know how to behave like gentlemen who have done jail time.  No shame in paying your debt to society and going on from that point trying to live right.

Mister Cigar-in-my-face, touchie-feelie on the bus wouldn't cut it for me, though.

QuoteMister Cigar-in-my-face, touchie-feelie on the bus wouldn't cut it for me, though.

said Janine

Starla,

I'll tell you just like I would tell my own daughter (if I had one) - Wait for a guy who is a Christian.  Don't even consider going out with someone who doesn't share your faith.  Set your standards high for dating because eventually you'll probably marry one of them.

Connie