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I have a huge dilemma! 

My husband that left me three months ago has finally decided that he wants to return!

Within the 3 months, I have met a wonderful man that I feel almost in love with....he has 3 wonderful children that I have become close with as well.

I don't know if I should give my husband another chance because what if he decides another month down the road (after I broke things off with my new beau), and I am without a husband and have lost my chance with someone new. 

I want my husband back, but it kills me to think about breaking my Beau's heart by leaving him.

What should I do?  Give my husband another chance or stay with my new guy? 

HELP!!!!!     

Seems you created quite a dilemma for yourself. I assume that if your husband has only been gone 3 months that you were not yet divorced. And yet you've already jumped into a new relationship? From the frying pan into the fire.

Stop everything you're doing. Take a giant step back and look at your life and your choices. Close the door to one relationship before opening the door to another.

End the relationship with the boyfriend. Don't look back. Then get counseling to see if your marriage is worth salvaging. If not, take some time, a lot of time, a year or longer, getting to know yourself better before you jump into another relationship again. Look for a DivorceCare group in your area, and actually be a regular part of it.

Life is too short to make major decisions based on forum advice.

My biggest problem is not wanting to hurt the boyfriend.....I feel so guilty because his last relationship ended because his girlfriend went back to her old boyfriend. 

I don't want to put him through that again and hate me!

You created this problem. You're going to have to hurt the boyfriend. And he's going to be hurt. And he might even hate you. And you're going to have to live with the guilt.

Next time, think about the consequences of your actions before you act.

BTW, you referred to him as "the boyfriend", indicating to me that you have already distanced yourself from him.

I want to point out somethings you said eailer:

Quote from: smikkelson on Fri Jun 22, 2007 - 02:25:11I would like to first off thank God for allowing me to have a good day with my husband, and I would like to request prayer that this may be a glimmer of hope that my husband might see that our marriage is good and come back to it!  

Quote from: smikkelson on Sat Jul 28, 2007 - 09:28:10Now, 3 months later, he is begging to come back to me....God answered my prayers! 

I miss my husband, but we have both said we needed to fall back in love with eachother because of the seperation.  I am just so damaged from it all and want to be happy again.  

I am supposed to go on vacation next week with the new guy and would feel bad cancelling now!

Quote from: smikkelson on Sat Jul 28, 2007 - 10:03:54
I miss my husband, but we have both said we needed to fall back in love with eachother because of the seperation.  I am just so damaged from it all and want to be happy again. 

I am supposed to go on vacation next week with the new guy and would feel bad cancelling now!

Think about what you are saying!

You need to make a choice, right now. Husband or boyfriend. Which? Can't be both. Then end the one you don't choose. Today.

I want to add quickly, that marriage is not about "falling in love". It's about choosing to love. Marriage is the glue that holds us together when we fall out of love until we fall back in love. We choose to love. We choose to stay together. Falling in love is an option.

What if my husband comes back and breaks my heart again?!  How do I know if he is sincere?!

Quote from: smikkelson on Sat Jul 28, 2007 - 18:15:50
What if my husband comes back and breaks my heart again?!  How do I know if he is sincere?!

You asked for your husband back, and now you don't want him?

Are you just looking for excuses to justify your adulterous relationship?

Yes.

If you were in her shoes, wouldn't you?

smikkelson, I know all about painful feelings, and I am not downplaying that the situation is filled with hurts --

But sometimes "the easy way" and the "attractive way" and the "less painful way" are not the right way.

I say you don't need to be tied up with some guy when you are not even divorced.

And think what a horrible thing you and the Beau did to his children, letting them get close to you!  That is awful!  You were not a free woman to be making any kind of commitment to that man yet, never mind his kids -- and you know that they think that way, even if you never said it to them that way.

You need to explain to Mr. Boyfriend that you were wrong to take up with him.  You were and are a married woman.  Tell him you know it will be painful, tell him you're sorry, apologize to the kids as their ages allow, then disappear.  You need to get your situation straight before you have anything to offer legitimately to another man.

And you don't automatically let Hubby back into the house and the bed just 'cause he shows up at the door and gives you sad puppy eyes, either.

Get counseling, preferably Christian counseling, right away.  Heck, even Dr. Phil would tell you what we're telling you now, and I ain't noticed his brand of advice being exactly specifically Christian.

SLOW.  DOWN.

Quote from: janine on Sat Jul 28, 2007 - 21:34:48
Yes.

If you were in her shoes, wouldn't you?

No.

If I were in her shoes, I would repent.

Just as you always at every turn every time you stupidly stumble into a sinful situation out of your pain, immediately repent.

In fact, you repent so fast that the time between committing your own particular sin and repentance is so infinitesimally small, scientists are thinking of naming their next sub-sub-sub-sub atomic particle after that little tiny length of time.  "The Sloan", they'll call it.

In fact, the time between you stumbling into sin and you repenting isn't teeny tiny small -- it's non-existent!  Yeah!  Yeah!  That's the ticket! 

In fact, you don't ever stumble into stupid sins at all!  Yeah!  That's it!

In fact, you only ever sin really smart sins, those sneaky ones that are really hard to detect!  Yes!  That's the way it goes!

In fact, you don't even sin!  Yes indeedy, I have at last discovered your secret.

Quote from: janine on Sat Jul 28, 2007 - 22:07:52
Just as you always at every turn every time you stupidly stumble into a sinful situation out of your pain, immediately repent.

In fact, you repent so fast that the time between committing your own particular sin and repentance is so infinitesimally small, scientists are thinking of naming their next sub-sub-sub-sub atomic particle after that little tiny length of time.  "The Sloan", they'll call it.

In fact, the time between you stumbling into sin and you repenting isn't teeny tiny small -- it's non-existent!  Yeah!  Yeah!  That's the ticket! 

In fact, you don't ever stumble into stupid sins at all!  Yeah!  That's it!

In fact, you only ever sin really smart sins, those sneaky ones that are really hard to detect!  Yes!  That's the way it goes!

In fact, you don't even sin!  Yes indeedy, I have at last discovered your secret.

Are you reviling me for saying she needs to repent?

{Re: Csloan's question, wondering if I am reviling him for telling smikkelson she needs to  repent:)

No, no, of course not!  See what I said to her above?  Did it look like I didn't agree with you there?

Maybe I'm just trying to get you to see that it sounds, looks like you're saying:

"Pish-tosh, you stupid woman!"

(imagine this in a very bad French accent)

"Only an idiot would be in your shoes and not immediately, and with no agonizing over decisions, repent!  Right away!  No worries about the fallout or the possible consequences, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"

Is that what you're saying?

Not, "is that the right thing to do" -- I think we all know the right thing to do --

But -- are you tossing off a sort of "repent, of course!", in a coolly casual way that doesn't take into account the blood-sweat-tears she has crawled thru to get where she is now, and the more she will have to wade through after she does the right thing?

janine,

Let me just replay this for you again, since it seems you missed something.

I asked her if she was trying to justify her sin.
You said yes, and asked me if I were in her shoes wouldn't I be doing the same thing? I told you No, I would repent.
You answered for her, aimed my question back at me, then you rebuked me for my answer.

I don't think I will go over it again, since it would probably become a matter of tenderizing a zombie equine.

Suffice it to say, you and I think the same exact thing.  smikkelsen needs to repent.

And if you came to your senses one day and found yourself in the pigpen you would immediately repent too.

What if I am notin love with my husband anymore and am in love with my beau? I don't want to hurt him.

Feelings of love don't matter when you are still married to the old one.

Now, if you consider that the leaving the hubby did broke your marriage bond, well then, you are perfectly fine dumping him for the new love.

But even if you did that the point is you are still married right now.

You have no right to start things up with another man unless you are free to do so.

Fish or cut bait.  One man at a time.

And if he didn't want to lay himself and his kids open to possible hurts, what in the world was he doing taking up with a married woman?

Quote from: smikkelson on Sat Jul 28, 2007 - 23:34:34
What if I am notin love with my husband anymore and am in love with my beau? I don't want to hurt him.

It isn't about "being in love".

And it's WAY too late to be worried about hurting someone. What you are doing is already hurting everyone, even if they don't know you're two-timing them.

What's to keep you from "falling out of love" with the new beau tomorrow? Are you going to just flit about willy-nilly from in-love to in-love to in-love?

It isn't about "being in love". It's about making and keeping a promise, a vow, a commitment.

Get a counselor and work out the problems in your marriage.

Quote from: phoebe on Sun Jul 29, 2007 - 00:13:30

Quote from: smikkelson on Sat Jul 28, 2007 - 23:34:34
What if I am notin love with my husband anymore and am in love with my beau? I don't want to hurt him.

It isn't about "being in love".

And it's WAY too late to be worried about hurting someone. What you are doing is already hurting everyone, even if they don't know you're two-timing them.

What's to keep you from "falling out of love" with the new beau tomorrow? Are you going to just flit about willy-nilly from in-love to in-love to in-love?

It isn't about "being in love". It's about making and keeping a promise, a vow, a commitment.

Get a counselor and work out the problems in your marriage.

Amen Phobe. ..well said.   I would add, seek godly counsel, a pastor..pastor's wife or other strong woman of faith.

I let the beau go and am putting all my efforts into my marriage.....please pray for me!           

Quote from: smikkelson on Sun Jul 29, 2007 - 22:55:30
I let the beau go and am putting all my efforts into my marriage.....please pray for me!          

You did the right thing, you will have my prayers.

Ditto.