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It's been almost two weeks since my husband left after saying he wasn't happy anymore.  I can't seem to shake the sadness!  I saw this coming, and, as a matter of fact, he did this to me last year, and I made it through three months without him.  Why is this hitting me so hard this time?  I have been praying and am going to start seeing a psychologist and am getting in contact with a divorce support group at a local church, but all I can think and cry about is: I WANT MY HUSBAND TO COME BACK TO ME!!!!     

This time around, the only thing I am doing better at than when he left me last year is that fact that I have been going to work like normal.  I only took 3 days off this time instead of almost 2 weeks like last time.  The things I am doing worse at this time is the fact that I am isolating myself in my room and sleeping all the time.  It seems the only time I don't think about how badly I miss my husband is when I am sleeping!  I don't know what to do...I am overly devastated by this whole thing. 

I guess all I can do is ask for as many people as possible to pray for me and pray that my husband decides to give our marriage another shot and come home to me!   

 

I'm praying for you, I am thanking God for the return of your husband, I do so as if he has already returned in the first place, in my mind and heart, he has, prepare for his arrival and use this time to do so.

Since I don't know the full picture of your story, I can only offer practical advice and extrapolate what little details you have given out in the first place.

1st, since you are emphasising the job element, it sounds like your finances are causing alot of grief.  It's time to re-write the book on how they are handled, you must learn to live within your means, and even better, be able to put some money in the bank so it's there when you have unexpected expenses.  Doing so is going to eliminate a huge amount of stress and likely, eliminate a great deal of difficulty you two are facing.  Time to downsize outgoing then decide what you can do to improve incoming capitol.  This means, if you are able to settle for less, ie. not going for the name brand on what you buy, getting rid of a car payment and returning a vehicle that's taxing your monthly income and picking up something used you can make lower payments on, or better yet, pay cash out right.  Find a better place to live with lower payment's/lease rates, and overall, downsizing, just as you would with a business to keep it afloat, that will be 3/4 the battle.  Remember, it's not about what you make, it's what you do with what you make.

Along your self, I have to assume you are being too needy, forgive and correct me if I'm wrong.  Are you self sufficient with the emotional stability area, or is it mandatory you have him fix your problems for you, that you require his input to validate yourself as a person.  The inner strength is what's required, otherwise, he's living your life for you, similar to a parent, when in a marriage, you must be equals and be able to draw upon each others strengths, not weaknesses. 

Are there children in this marriage?  If so, do you two have regular adult time, or is it always you and the kids, or him and the kids, and your marriage has no time for romance.  It's important to have time set aside just for you two to enjoy each other's company without interruption and on a regular basis.  I won't discuss the bedroom too much, but make sure you both are happy in this area, it is another element that causes dissention if both of you are not on the same page.

Along daily life in general, are you doing little things to make him feel appriecated?  Is he doing the same for you?  Are you both physically attracted to each other, or have you let yourself go.  I see too many marriages where the wife decides, well now she's married, no need to concern herself in this area, same with the guys, but more often then not, it's the wife that initiates it, no longer taking care of her self as she did when she was single because she no longer needs to attract a mate.  Are you two best friends, is it a balanced friendship, or are you two living life as two single people that only reside under the same roof, or are you smothering him, not giving him the space he needs to be his own invidual self.

Right now, you need to learn to enjoy your own company, it's time to stop sleeping all day and learn what it means to be you, quit trying to escape reality and face yourself and know who you are, your potential,  your good traits, and keep your focus on them, all the while, working on elimiating the bad ones.

Finally, keep your focus on God, he will provide everything  you need and more if you let him. 

I hope this helps, Take care.

Why would you want him back if he's not happy being with you and isn't willing to seek marriage counseling to try to work out any problems? I took my wife back twice when she left me, and I could have saved myself a lot of misery if I hadn't taken her back the first time. Hind-sight is always 20-20. Some times we just simply marry the wrong person, and nothing can make it work when it wasn't meant to be. I didn't consult God first before marrying.

"Pride goeth before a fall" is true --

But I think that's the vainglorious, hubris kind of pride.

What you need is to have more pride, but the right kind of pride.

You are a worthwhile person -- Jesus thought so, He died for you -- and you do not need that unstable man to make you whole.  You need God the Father, God the guiding Spirit, God the Rescuer Son, God the "Mother Hen"... 

It's a real, true, strong, everlasting God Who is compared to a nurturing comforting mother hen.  No false god would want to appear "weak" that way.  But you and I know He is strong, powerful to save us and keep us and love us.

Also, sleeping to hide from pain seems like a pretty good indication of depression to me.  I don't mean a temporary sadness that most people can bear until it passes -- I mean, you obviously are not bearing it well.  You will do right to get qualified Christian counseling.

Honey, if I were in a troubled marriage --

Well, let me rephrase that.  All marriages have their rough spots and troubles, so I am in a troubled marriage, in a manner of speaking...  This is what gives me much sympathy and empathy for you.

But what I mean is, if I had the high degree of trouble of the type you're going through, I would have to re-evaluate myself to see if my own behavior was helping to tear down the marriage.

Nothing you do or say gives your husband the right to do wrong things, I'm not saying that.  It is not my place, on the other side of a computer keyboard, to blame you!

But I am saying that if my spouse put all emotional eggs in one basket, if my spouse orbited around me as if I were God -- which is what it seems you do, so totally focused on husband husband husband husband husband husband husband -- if I were trying to live with a spouse like that, it would be tempting to me to run away, too.

What are you doing to take care of yourself?  What are you doing to serve others and stop thinking about yourself?  What are you doing to develop your talents and gifts and skills?

What are you doing to fulfill your own needs, yourself, with God's help?

I am very sorry to hear about this.  I agree with one of the earlier posts.  If he doesn't want to be with you and he wants a divorce, you are within your Biblical rights to proceed.  I would assume that he is not a Christian and in that case, if he wants to end the marriage you are not under any obligation scripturally to continue seeking reconciliation.  I do understand that you want the marriage to work, but if that is a one-way fight and he has already given up, you are going to be in for a lot more heartache unfortunately.  Pray that God will ease your pain and help you to move on with your life.  Just my .02.

 

Quote from: smikkelson on Mon Feb 04, 2008 - 00:45:16
It's been almost two weeks since my husband left after saying he wasn't happy anymore.  I can't seem to shake the sadness!  I saw this coming, and, as a matter of fact, he did this to me last year, and I made it through three months without him.  Why is this hitting me so hard this time?  I have been praying and am going to start seeing a psychologist and am getting in contact with a divorce support group at a local church, but all I can think and cry about is: I WANT MY HUSBAND TO COME BACK TO ME!!!!     

This time around, the only thing I am doing better at than when he left me last year is that fact that I have been going to work like normal.  I only took 3 days off this time instead of almost 2 weeks like last time.  The things I am doing worse at this time is the fact that I am isolating myself in my room and sleeping all the time.  It seems the only time I don't think about how badly I miss my husband is when I am sleeping!  I don't know what to do...I am overly devastated by this whole thing. 

I guess all I can do is ask for as many people as possible to pray for me and pray that my husband decides to give our marriage another shot and come home to me!   

I am so sorry........I want my wife back too, but it is out of my control.  You are loved by many people - let him go.

blessings

Ravenlore... why would you say such a thing?  He has been gone two weeks!  Give me a break. That isn't even time to run out of socks and miss his comfortable bed. 

Two weeks being separated doesn't mean the marriage is over and that anyone should let someone go they vowed to love to the day they die.

Pray for him.  BELIEVE the word is true.  Speak peace to yourself. If you have a friend or a family member who can stay a few nights a week with you so the time doesn't seem so empty and long... invite them. Invite people over to watch a movie.

Put clean sheets on your bed, take a hot bubble bath, light candles, put on your favorite worship musice and cry until you are "wrinkled" silly... then put on your clean most comfortable PJ's and dig in for the night.  Put in a movie that is light hearted and just boring enough you can fall asleep. I watch "film nior" when my husband is out to sea.  I watch a lot of old movies... no violence, no REAL drama, nothing I will take to my dreams.

Don't just give in and walk away "Marriage over" after a two week separation.  Seek some marriage counseling.  Seek a prayer group.  Become someone else's prayer warrior and agree to intercede daily for their marriage.  Volunteer to help with one of the ministries at your church.

Don't just sit there and wallow... but by all means... don't let your husband go.  Not until you have to.  You are married, He belongs to you. You stand on the promises of God and don't let the enemy of your soul tell you that he can take your husband away from you. You are a child of the LIVING GOD and all things belong to Him... TRUST HIM ALONE.

Quote from: kensington on Fri Apr 11, 2008 - 22:48:00
Ravenlore... why would you say such a thing?  He has been gone two weeks!  Give me a break. That isn't even time to run out of socks and miss his comfortable bed. 

Two weeks being separated doesn't mean the marriage is over and that anyone should let someone go they vowed to love to the day they die.

Pray for him.  BELIEVE the word is true.  Speak peace to yourself. If you have a friend or a family member who can stay a few nights a week with you so the time doesn't seem so empty and long... invite them. Invite people over to watch a movie.

Put clean sheets on your bed, take a hot bubble bath, light candles, put on your favorite worship musice and cry until you are "wrinkled" silly... then put on your clean most comfortable PJ's and dig in for the night.  Put in a movie that is light hearted and just boring enough you can fall asleep. I watch "film nior" when my husband is out to sea.  I watch a lot of old movies... no violence, no REAL drama, nothing I will take to my dreams.

Don't just give in and walk away "Marriage over" after a two week separation.  Seek some marriage counseling.  Seek a prayer group.  Become someone else's prayer warrior and agree to intercede daily for their marriage.  Volunteer to help with one of the ministries at your church.

Don't just sit there and wallow... but by all means... don't let your husband go.  Not until you have to.  You are married, He belongs to you. You stand on the promises of God and don't let the enemy of your soul tell you that he can take your husband away from you. You are a child of the LIVING GOD and all things belong to Him... TRUST HIM ALONE.

Marriage takes two people.  She is committed - he is not.  Until he is, there is no marriage.  Save yourself some pain - find yourself and than someone who wants to be with you - you are worth it.

blessings

Smikklson- I'm praying for you too. I'm praying that your husband decides to work on it with you! 

I have one question... do you know what he's unhappy about? If you're going to try to fix anything on your end, first you need to know what's causing his unhappiness.