Christian Forums

In getting to know God and His heart the past 31 years, I've learned some things. The sex drive for instance, is a motivator--to pursue a mate for companionship & to have children. Loneliness, however... is a negative, human emotion which needs to be addressed & overcome BEFORE mating up. There's a difference between a desire for companionship, to want to share ourselves & our lives with a spouse in mutual love and intimacy, which draws us to seek a mate, and then-- loneliness. Loneliness can drive us to make unwise choices out of desperation. It's self-centered in-that it's about "what I want and need"--rather than "I have this unconditional love to share with a companion".

Loneliness is something we need to overcome, to find remedy for--in our relationship with Christ. Society is so conditioned to want things now... to run ahead of God, to abandon patience, and to compartmentalize Him as unable to meet certain needs that only a spouse could provide. No. We need to address the loneliness in our relationships with Christ, especially if we want healthy relationships with a spouse one day. Since we are called to "follow" Jesus, and take on His characteristics, we already know that He isn't needy, desperate, or lonely.

Look at this verse: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in, and sup with him, and he with me". This word "sup" comes from a greek word: 'deipneo' which means "to share in my most intimate & blissful intercourse".

Are we seeing this, folks? Once I was able to get past the "loneliness" factor by forcing myself into the very bosom of Jesus no matter how I thought or felt...and looked to HIM to meet my needs, I found myself in a facet of relationship with Him that I never had before. The sexual union between a husband and wife in intimacy which ends in physical climax, is an example of what God wants between ourselves and Him in our spirits. I no longer "need" a spouse. And that means I can love someone for their sake, rather than for my own. And that's what the "Love of Christ" is all about.

Any comments?

Anyone? Geesh, it's been several days. Doesn't seem as if anyone posts here much.

True Freedom,

I've seen lots of lonely, desparate people who hang around anything with the moniker "single".  Thus I tend to stay away from "singles groups", "singles forums", etc. even though I myself am single.  That's why I didn't see your post.

By the way, it was a good post.

Quote from: Truefreedom on Tue Feb 19, 2008 - 10:00:23Look at this verse: "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in, and sup with him, and he with me". This word "sup" comes from a greek word: 'deipneo' which means "to share in my most intimate & blissful intercourse".

Actually both "deipneō" and the root "deipnon" both mean to eat a meal.

I do agree that we inhibit our full ability to find and to be a good spouse, ourselves, if we are not pursuing a relationship with God in the first place, and content to just be ourselves in Him, before we ever find that mate.

Quote from: Truefreedom on Sat Feb 23, 2008 - 08:44:35
Anyone? Geesh, it's been several days. Doesn't seem as if anyone posts here much.

Lonly in a singles thread, classic. :)

Being comfortable with your own company is paramount, afterall, if you don't like your own company, how can you expect others to.  There are many things you can do to ovveride lonlyness, get a pet, go out in public and make new friends, fellowship, dialogging in chat and forums.  Lot's of ways here.  It's when people are stuck thinking, they must be involved in a relationship, that's where the trouble starts.  They tend to be needy, can't make decisions on their own, actually, expecting someone to live their lives for them and to tell them what to do and when.  I consider that closer to slavery and codependence, which is not healthy.

If you truely have a real relationship with God, you will find him to be able to enter your heart, ease your pain, and give you comfort in a manner nobody will ever be able to.

This singles section doesn't get used much, mainly because people on this board tend to not want to open up, not fully, not to the point of getting to the core of their emotional state, so this section is pretty much dead weight, at least for now, so don't take the lack of response personally, it's just the board, not you.

Does being into a fourth page of threads really constitute dead weight?  'Course that rolls back through two years' time.

With the number of people that frequent here, that in context of knowing the level people here are willing to reveal themselves, it's natural it's taking some time to get this section established.  4 pages isn't alot in my opinion when putting that into account.

Quote from: spurly on Sat Feb 23, 2008 - 09:17:54
True Freedom,

I've seen lots of lonely, desparate people who hang around anything with the moniker "single".  Thus I tend to stay away from "singles groups", "singles forums", etc. even though I myself am single.  That's why I didn't see your post.

By the way, it was a good post.

Thank you Spurley

Quote from: Charles Sloan on Sat Feb 23, 2008 - 10:33:31

Yes, I'm aware of this Charles, but the lexicon expounded on it this way. It was a known fact that "supper" was a time for intimate bonding and still is today, by many. The scriptures have "messages" in them for us, not just face-value.

Actually both "deipneō" and the root "deipnon" both mean to eat a meal.

Quote from: John 1:1 on Sat Feb 23, 2008 - 22:58:28
With the number of people that frequent here, that in context of knowing the level people here are willing to reveal themselves, it's natural it's taking some time to get this section established.  4 pages isn't alot in my opinion when putting that into account.

Four pages ? Huh?

Quote from: janine on Sat Feb 23, 2008 - 22:50:08
Does being into a fourth page of threads really constitute dead weight?  'Course that rolls back through two years' time.

Huh?

Truefreedom, you proposed your questions and started your thread in the Singles forum.  If you look back through the "table of contents" of all the thread titles that have appeared in this section, the oldest posts on the fourth page of thread titles date back about two years.

A thread pops up to at or near the top of the list, on the first page, if someone posts on it.

Okay, I am one of those who hasn't "matured" his way out of lonliness yet, and may never do so, I don't know.  What I do know is that Christ is indeed a wonderful companion but sometimes I just need a person in my appartment whom I can see and talk to in an ordinary human way, "So how was your day today?"  Somehow it seems irreverant to talk to the Lord like that.  Also was not Adam alone and did not God provide a wife for him?

I've been single for many years but I've always had kids around.  If I were 'all alone' I would go to the local junior college and take a hobby class.  I would take art or whatever.  That way....I would meet other singles with the same interest.  There are a lot of different kinds of areas to chose from as far as filling up some of your lonely time.  Usually larger local churches have great single groups also!  They do a lot of great group activities and trips.

If you don't like being single, and I understand, then the best way to meet someone is just getting out there and getting involved doing the things that interest you.  Sitting home won't get you hooked up. 

Oops, I obviously gave the impression that I sit around at home all day mooching.  Apologies for that, I actually have rather a demanding job and don't get home till gone 7, usually tired out.  Here in Africa junior colleges and art classes don't exist and travel after dark is not easy so local churches tend not to have singles' groups that are so active.  I know all these sound like excuses, they are not meant to be; just reality.  But I appreciate the encouragement to try and be more active, thanks.

Alistair

Quote from: Alistair on Wed Mar 19, 2008 - 23:30:21
Oops, I obviously gave the impression that I sit around at home all day mooching.  Apologies for that, I actually have rather a demanding job and don't get home till gone 7, usually tired out.  Here in Africa junior colleges and art classes don't exist and travel after dark is not easy so local churches tend not to have singles' groups that are so active.  I know all these sound like excuses, they are not meant to be; just reality.  But I appreciate the encouragement to try and be more active, thanks.

Alistair

You live in Africa?  Oh my goodness....I had no idea!  Yeah....I guess the social scene there is quite different than here in America.   Were you born and raised there?

No...those weren't excuses.  Those were VERY valid points!  I would really like to hear about where you live and what is going on there.  It is so easy to forget that the things we take for granted would be considered a big blessing to many other parts of the world.

I'm also older than you and have children.  I can imagine it is very lonely for a Christian young man in an area where there aren't many resources.  I'm going to pray that God sends you a special miracle....and I'm faithful to pray when I say I will. 

It is such a pleasure to have met you on this site.

GloryB

Well I guess I should have made it clear in my first one.  No, I was not born and raised here, I am a Brit from London, working as a water engineer here in Kenya.  I work with the UN drilling wells and installing windmills in the deserts of Kenya to bring water to the surface for the nomads.  Life here is great, work is interesting and stimulating; you have heard that African Christianity is two miles wide and two inches deep.  That perhaps is a little unfair but sadly it is true in many places.  But God is at work here and He has many people here.  But the evenings do tend to be lonely and the challenge of finding a wife is as great here as anywhere else.  Thanks for being so understanding.

On the one hand, you meet many interesting people, from there where you are and from all over the world -- on the other hand, how many single Christian women do you get to meet?

Quote from: janine on Fri Mar 21, 2008 - 01:15:07
On the one hand, you meet many interesting people, from there where you are and from all over the world -- on the other hand, how many single Christian women do you get to meet?

Yes....this would be my question as well. 

To add to that, in the picture (if it is of you) shows you as a white man.  I would assume the majority there are black single ladies.  This may or may not be a factor....but I would think it harder to meet someone.  I hope that didn't come out sounding bad.  I didn't mean it that way.

I think meeting someone online on any of the Christian dating sites would also be a valid choice.  I wasn't looking to get married, but I've dated lots of guys I originally met online and don't have one bad story.  They were all great guys and I still email with a few years later.

Yeah I do meet very interesting people from all over the world, mainly non-Christians actually as I am in secular work and it just so happens that the people I have contact with at work are not Christians.  Yes I am white and that is also an issue (rather complicated to go into in detail here).  Then there is the question of doctrine.  90 per cent of the churches here are Pentecostal/Charismatic, very very few Reformed Baptist.  I am rather rapidly moving to a Reformed Baptist position though I don't take everything they teach so that too may add complications; wouldn't like to marry someone who is convinced of a theological position and I am shifting mine.  Anyway these are some of the joys of life; I am not despairing you understand, just lonely!

well i dont like singles sites nether but theres a new test site called SameCalling.com and instead of looking for single people you search for Christians with the same calling as you.. So its easier to find people that aren't "lonely" but people that already found their true source of love.

Just a help for all those hard core Christians that are sick of luke warm believers.!!

In His Love,
Stexia

Quote from: Alistair on Fri Mar 21, 2008 - 14:14:21
Yeah I do meet very interesting people from all over the world, mainly non-Christians actually as I am in secular work and it just so happens that the people I have contact with at work are not Christians.  Yes I am white and that is also an issue (rather complicated to go into in detail here).  Then there is the question of doctrine.  90 per cent of the churches here are Pentecostal/Charismatic, very very few Reformed Baptist.  I am rather rapidly moving to a Reformed Baptist position though I don't take everything they teach so that too may add complications; wouldn't like to marry someone who is convinced of a theological position and I am shifting mine.  Anyway these are some of the joys of life; I am not despairing you understand, just lonely!

I understand completely!

I think as we follow the path God puts before us and focus on Him....then all these things we pray for seem to fall into place.  God knows what lonely means.  Jesus wanted a bride (the church) and Adam wanted a wife.  So, I think it's a fair prayer and totally within scripture to believe for a wonderful wife.

I have no idea what Adam thought about a wife before he was given one -- not from Scripture anyway.  I do know Adam whined at God about that howwible old woman who gave him the forbidden fruit, that woman Go-o-o-od had given him, whine sniffle whine.  Still, God designed us to need each other.

I also see nothing specific in Scripture about Jesus wanting a wife (human), but I can tell from the story of His walk down the way to His Bride (church) that He was lonesome at times.

The cross-cultural and cross-ethnic relationships can be challenging, and cross-religious relationships have a huge strain on them from the start.  Maybe a season of treading water, praying and meditating on it, is in order.

Quote from: janine on Fri Mar 21, 2008 - 22:31:02
I have no idea what Adam thought about a wife before he was given one -- not from Scripture anyway.  I do know Adam whined at God about that howwible old woman who gave him the forbidden fruit, that woman Go-o-o-od had given him, whine sniffle whine.  Still, God designed us to need each other.

I also see nothing specific in Scripture about Jesus wanting a wife (human), but I can tell from the story of His walk down the way to His Bride (church) that He was lonesome at times.

Well...all the animals had females....I figured Adam noticed he was alone.  This is why God have him a 'help meet'.  Doesn't SOUND real romantic...but I bet Adam was happy!   

Jesus didn't need a earthly wife....He has an eternal wife in the Bride of Christ.

Not sure if I want to get into speculation about Adam and Eve.  A book I read recently said we can downplay the humanity of Christ if we are not careful and that made sense to me.  I mean why do we have to assume that He never had a desire to marry?  Surely the desire (and indeed marriage itself) is not sin?  And also if He never had that desire, how could it be true that He was tempted in every way just as we are and was yet without sin, so that we have a sympathetic High Priest who knows our every weakness?  I just hope I am not bringing dishonour to His name by asking these things, no intention of doing so.