Christian Forums

So, I went through a couple of really rough relationships a few years back during my not so Christian days.  One very emotionally and verbally abusive one that lasted 2 years, and one sexually abusive one that thankfully only lasted 5 months.  It's been three years since that time in my life.  I've grown closer to God, though admittedly I have a long way to go, I surround myself with Christian friends, and I attend a loving church.  I am at the point that I thought I could date again, so, being in a rural area, I decided to join christiancafe.com to meet some people.  And I have met people, but for some reason, I can't allow myself to get close to them,  and the thought of dating them or holding hands or kissing makes me feel sick to my stomach.  What is wrong with me and how can I overcome this?  I truly want to have a family of my own someday with a husband to love and take care of.  But if I can't even picture myself close to someone, anyone, I'm afraid this will never happy. 

I don't think we can deal with the issues you present on a simple discussion board.  I would suggest that you make an appointment with a licensed Chrsitian counselor to delve into these issues, and others that might be affecting you.

I agree with spurly.  I myself know full well about fear of relationships.  Building walls is great if you are a construction worker.  I have 'walled off' from many people over the course of my life and all it brings is loneliness and despair.  Relationships that I could have had with wonderful people died because I didn't try to build those relationships. 
A qualified christian counsellor can help you to understand your fears about forming relationships. God is a god of relationships--He loves relationships and desires us to be in relationship to other people.  People need people--that is God's design for us all.

There are things you can do.

First of all, you should pray, which you are probably doing anyway.

Second, if you are not yet ready for dating, then you should quit the dating websites that you are using.

Ask yourself what it is that you want from dating.  If you are currently happy being single then stay that way.  Quite often in life our biggest mistakes are based on going in pursuit of things that we don't really want.

Try to keep busy, and try to have lots of friends around you.  You will probably realise when you are ready to start dating again when someone walks into your life and catches your eye.

It's probably unwise to give advice, but I seem to be a bit short on wisdom today:

It's possible that you have created an association in your mind between sexual excitement, and sexual abuse.  Not that you want it to be so, but the one may be triggering the other.

I wish I knew how to fix it, but I don't.  Listen to spurly, he's got his head screwed on straight.

Jarrod