Christian Forums

First of all, if this topic is in the wrong section feel free to ignore it or move it or whatever you would like. I know you've probably read piles upon piles of threads about topics like this but here is another anyway :P
Here is a situation that could use some insight. My girlfriend has been out of country for the past while and is coming back soon so before she gets back I'd like some insights on this. Before she left both of us were very open about sexuality between eachother; we engaged in sex and sexual acts with eachother and whatnot. I've read other threads on topics like this and there seem to be mixed messages as to whether what we do is wrong or not. I sometimes feel that it is wrong and sometimes feel that what we do may not be so bad because we are faithful to eachother and will most likely end up getting married. Some people say that the actual marriage ceremony is simply a formality and that you  can be "married" before it takes place. If we were to get engaged would that count as being married in God's eyes? Both of us would agree to being married but just the ceremony would not have taken place yet. What is your opinion on this? Also if what we do is wrong then I'm not sure how I could go about stopping what we do without hurting her. If I flat out told her something like "I think this is wrong and we should stop" then I could imagine how bad she would feel. What are your thoughts on this situation?

First of all, leaving aside personal opinions, there are a lot of people out there in the same boat as you.  Lots of people who call themselves Christians have premarital sex, and don't see it as in any way wrong.

Some people go even further than that, but that's another story.

My own view is that sex is for marriage, and that sex outside marriage dishonours God.  On the other hand I do not believe that having premarital sex makes you not a christian.  Also, most of us would probably agree that premarital sex with someone you love is nothing like so bad as, say, having an adulterous affair to spite your husband or wife.

I pray that you will one day be happily married, and that you and your wife will look back on your premarital activities as one of the follies of your younger days.

Been there, done that.  Didn't help the relationship.  No, not at all.

If/when you do get married, you're potentially going to have a problem of expectations.  Do you expect the sex to stay the same, to change, and what does she expect, and is it the same?

Talking is good.  It doesn't have to be so awkward.  Just start a conversation about what y'all think is going to change when you get married.  Make sex a talking point.