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I am really feeling without hope...I know that's not true, but wow it feels like it.
My husband and I are both Christians and actually both in college ministry.
We have been married for almost 5 months. Over those 5 months, I have caught
him three times in lies. They were all about fiances.
I caught him again this morning and I am devastated. He keeps apologizing, but I can't
seem to forgive him. Since he's said the SAME apology before, why is this time different?
I feel like maybe God is trying to teach me true forgiveness, but I can't even look at my
husband right now. I feel like I married the wrong man. I feel like he is not who I thought he was.

I wonder why he feels the need to lie about finances? Is it just this that he lies about do you think?
I do think that honesty it vital in any relationship so if it continues maybe you both need to go for help to sort out together why he does this sooner rather than later, because you may find it very hard to trust him anymore otherwise.   

I do really think that's all he's dishonest about. I don't know why, but I have this uncanny ability to tell when anyone lies to me. That's how I knew about this. He kept getting a phone call from this one number that we didn't know. I asked him what it was and he said some glass company offering him a discount. I knew he was lying so when he left his phone out, I called the number and it was a bill collector. He says he is going to get help, but he says that every time he has lied. I don't trust nor believe it when he says he is getting help for it. I just don't get it.

Quote from: needinganswers on Sun Sep 21, 2008 - 21:36:25
I do really think that's all he's dishonest about. I don't know why, but I have this uncanny ability to tell when anyone lies to me. That's how I knew about this. He kept getting a phone call from this one number that we didn't know. I asked him what it was and he said some glass company offering him a discount. I knew he was lying so when he left his phone out, I called the number and it was a bill collector. He says he is going to get help, but he says that every time he has lied. I don't trust nor believe it when he says he is getting help for it. I just don't get it.

Maybe you both need to take care of the finances together.

Quote from: Gary on Sun Sep 21, 2008 - 21:37:45

Quote from: needinganswers on Sun Sep 21, 2008 - 21:36:25
I do really think that's all he's dishonest about. I don't know why, but I have this uncanny ability to tell when anyone lies to me. That's how I knew about this. He kept getting a phone call from this one number that we didn't know. I asked him what it was and he said some glass company offering him a discount. I knew he was lying so when he left his phone out, I called the number and it was a bill collector. He says he is going to get help, but he says that every time he has lied. I don't trust nor believe it when he says he is getting help for it. I just don't get it.

Maybe you both need to take care of the finances together.

Yep!

I guess I think we do...The lies have been about his past financial woes that he started lying to me about because he thought I would leave him. Once I found out, I told him we needed to start fixing his past and since then we have. This came from another past issue that he said he was just going to let go. So as for things now, we pretty much do it together. We don't have a lot bills or anything currently to talk about, but we do when we need. Literally, we only have 6 bills. Rent, cell, electricity, cable/internet, mutual fund savings debit (they take it out monthly), and my photography website running costs. Since these things don't really change, we don't have to talk a lot. He sees the bills and I pay them from our account. I feel like he's ashamed of his past, but that's not going to fix our future. The more he just let's these things go, the more it ruins our future credit towards a home, new cars, etc.

Are we talking finances, or are we talking fiances?

While not commendable, it may well be that he doesn't know what your reaction might be if he said, "Oh, that was Monica - she's a crazy girl, donchaknow."

Quote from: HRoberson on Sun Sep 21, 2008 - 21:50:44
Are we talking finances, or are we talking fiances?

While not commendable, it may well be that he doesn't know what your reaction might be if he said, "Oh, that was Monica - she's a crazy girl, donchaknow."

Wow, I totally just saw that I wrote fiance...sorry...we are talking finances...
What's sadder is my degree is in journalism 

Quote from: needinganswers on Sun Sep 21, 2008 - 21:53:46
Wow, I totally just saw that I wrote fiance...sorry...we are talking finances...
What's sadder is my degree is in journalism 

THAT made me laugh.

I just wanted to add that while a sin is a sin is a sin, there still needs to be consideration given to WHY he is lying.  Especially if you try to work on this yourselves instead of seeking some marital counseling, give thought to "why".  There is a difference between "I spent $100 on my girlfriend" and "I am embarrassed I can't keep our finances".  It could be that he thinks he is protecting you from worry; it could be embarrassment; it could be shame that you're behind on bills and he's not properly taking care of his family, etc.

You will find if you identify the "why", THEN you'll make real progress.  While I understand your anger, getting mad probably only leads to him clamming up more and just saying "I won't do it again" when what you want is for him to talk.  Calm down for however long that takes you, and approach him in a way that says "I want to talk about this so that I understand".  If you reassure him of your love at the same time, I think you'll have better results.

If he continues to lie even after that approach, I would definitely seek professional help.

Then go take a finance class together.

Something like Dave Ramsey's or Crown Ministries, or some other appropriate class.