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My wife wants to have our first child soon.  I don't.  I want to wait a year until I am done with college.

When I come here in the evening, it's a very tentative time.  Someone is sure to demand their computer rights, now!

An artiste such as moi cannot compose under such fire!

I'll be back tomorrow with the amazing tale of a couple who did everything wrong starting out & how they're doing now.

:bowsmiley: Lord willing.

Well . . .

In my opinion, you'll never be making \"enough\".  You can never be young enough or old enough.  You can't be prepared enough.  No matter whether you have your kids sooner and younger or older and later, you'll wish you had something you're missing.

But that sounds too pessimistic.

What I really mean is that though you won't feel like you have enough money, determine that you'll do whatever is necessary so that at least one parent is home with the kids all the time.

And if you have them while you're young, use that youthful energy with the kids, and seek out older experienced parents and listen to their advice.

And if you're older, you'll find that kids can make you feel young again, and still, seek advice from more experienced parents.

Hubby and I married just after I graduated from high school (too young, of course!) and had our first 2 years later.  We had planned to wait, but God had other ideas.  #2 was only 16 months behind #1, and that was enough for us.  Since they are so close in age, our kids have gone through the various stages together, and that has worked well for us.  They are currently both in the college stage - weaning themselves from us.

If I were starting my family now, or if I had been 30 instead of 20 when my first was born, I would have done many things differently, of course.  But even if I had the power to do so, I wouldn't go back and change when I got married or when I had my kids.  We have done the best we could with the circumstances we were given, so our regrets are minimal.

We are once more \"just a couple\", and loving every minute of it!  No empty nest syndrome here!

Never

Personally, I think the younger one is when they get married and have children, the better off (assuming, of course, that they are out of high school and they are mature enough).  Also, I like the idea of having children close togehter in age so that they can be better friends and playmates.

Just my ideas.  Of course, I'm 35 and don't have children yet.

Quick comment before I head off to my Social-Psychology class:

We got pregnant on our honeymoon. Don't ask me how :crackup: !

I think we both wanted to wait a few years. Now I am in college, working full-time, and a husband and father....and I run this board....and.....well that's enough. But we wouldn't take anything for God's precious gift. She stays at home to take care of him--I wouldn't ever pay someone else to raise my child. One of us needs to be there. He needs a home with his parents. We both whole-heartedly agree.

Babies are lots of fun and lots of work. They are a blessing from the Lord. They are a wonder and it is wonderful to be part of their care-free world. :inlove:

Lee

Uh, Lee... I think you know how... :0

We married too young; I was 18, married and already pregnant when I graduated high school.

Mike was a Christian, I was a dissatisfied stubborn searching Catholic.

We lived those first few years on a football scholarship and a National Merit scholarship and whatever else we could scrounge up.  I remember making about $9,000 one year when the oldest daughter was a toddler.

None of the babies were really unplanned... if you don't use birth control and you don't use self-control, you're planning to get pregnant!

The boys were \"planned\", in that we decided to have Michael at the end of our poor-student-prorated-state-health-care phase.  We knew it would be a loooong time before we could actually afford to pay for a new baby ourselves at full market prices! :D  Joe we had seven years later when Mike had insurance through his job.

Some sort of arrangment needs to be made so that you guys are raising your own kids!  You can be the bestest parent in the world, committed like crazy to the child and his interests, but there is no replacement for time[/b] missed, milestones missed, family atmosphere missed.  God probably doesn't give us children to leave them in daycare and preschool from early morning to late afternoon/early evening, as some unfortunates feel forced to do.

re: spacing... Ours have been interesting, there.  Eldest daughter was approaching 11 years of age when youngest son was born.  She was a second mama, and 7-yr-old brother was a fantastic \"go-fer\".  The dog was a great help, too, believe it or not. :D

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]Plan to wait, but assume that your plans are subject to the vagaries of the human reproductive system, as it does its work under God's hand[/quote]

That is pretty much exactly our philosphy at the moment.

Ha! I knew that title would get you to look here!

No, this isn't about abortion or the organization Planned Parenthood but about planning when to be a parent. After reading Janine's topic ideas, I was spurred to start this topic, to pick the brains of you older, wiser folk. :)

Here's my actual question (s):
Ideally, when do you reccommend having kids? How many years should you be married first? About how old should you and your spouse be? How far apart should you space your kids? I know this is different for everyone, and there are no set answers, but I'm anxious to learn from your experiences and see what wisdom you can impart to me - pros, cons, what you'd do differently if you could. :)

Wendy

My husband and I have been married and out of college for a year and a half. We're holding off on kids (ideally) until he's making enough for me to stay home.

Wendy

I should be making enough as for my wife to stay home as soon as I graduate.  She also wants a bunch of horsies.

Not until you both are ready.  And, both parents are mature enough to put the best interests of the child first.  

We had our first at 30 and second at 34.  Great age with regard to emotional maturity; rough age with regard to physical stamina.

I personally think that the staying home full-time is not as important as the commitment to the best interests of the child.  I've seen great working parents; I've seen disinterested stay-at-home moms.  

I've actually worked full-time (and gone to night school), stayed home full-time and worked part-time.  All had their good and bad points.  The parent knows their family's needs better than any baby doctor or talkshow host.  

I think part-time is best; unfortunately, you have to put in the time on the job in order to become valuable enough to insist on the part-time option.

Never's right - you'll never be prepared, especially for the first.  But it's pretty great anyway.
Kari

Browser was threatening to crash on me; that's why I'm not logged in right now.

Anyway, lots of good points being made here. I will just toss in a comment that may not be popular, but it's my opinion, so here goes: I think that if a couple waits until everything in their lives is \"perfect\" before they have a child, they will learn that day never comes. I'm not saying don't plan; just that it is possible to overplan and overplan to the point that you risk missing out on the joy.

Barb1957

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]I think that if a couple waits until everything in their lives is \"perfect\" before they have a child, they will learn that day never comes. I'm not saying don't plan; just that it is possible to overplan and overplan to the point that you risk missing out on the joy.

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote [/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--] Nevertheless,

In my opinion, you'll never be making \"enough\".  You can never be young enough or old enough.  You can't be prepared enough.  No matter whether you have your kids sooner and younger or older and later, you'll wish you had something you're missing.[/quote][/quote]


I agree.  No one, unless they are independelntly wealthy, can afford kids and no one is ever completely ready for the responsibility that comes with the kids!!!!  It is something that parents can't even really pass on to there sons and daughters when their times come.  When we had ours, we knew we couldn't afford the kids but we were young, and wanted to have them young.  Linda was 22 and I was 27 for Shannon, and we were 24/29 for the twins.  We lived in a two bedroom, 850 sq ft house in the country, had no insurance, she didn't have a job, and I was a photographer and stock market investor (did half way decent at the stock market until jimmy Carter and the Demo's who controlled everything wiped me out with high interest rates and a down market near the last of his term).  However, that didn't make any difference.  We did plan ours--to a certain extent.  Linda simple stopped taking the birth control pills.  We did not plan for twins!--but we wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world :D  God knows what we can handle and what we can't!

My oldest daughter is now two weeks from having their first -a girl :clap:  :inlove:  :thumbup:  :D   It was not planned! God just doesn't always allow us to plan :D  At the time, I personally couldn't see anyway they could afford a child.  $85,000+/- in school loans from ACU, Children's Minister pay (which is not near what it should be for a person with a Master Degree in Christian Educationw/emphasis on Children), and her husband's company going bankrupt and he had changed to a lower pay job (only several dollars above minimum wage).  \"Oh -  you of little faith!!!!!\"  God supplies!  In January, my daughter was given a raise that was really looking like she would never get (had been promised for more than six months) and my son-in-law received a promotion at a job he had started in September that amounted to a \"large\" jump in pay and job responsibility.  That put them able to move into a two bed room apartment (among other things) that had previously been totally out of the budget!

Whether we think we a planning something or not, I think that God supplies children when He knows we are basically ready for them.  I've known couples who tried to become pregnant for a long time, and then, when they had all but given up, along came a child.  Others never became pregnant, but in the process, adopted children who would not have have been given a home otherwise.  In all cases, the children are just totally cherished by those parents!!!!

BTW, I'm the one who had the \"empty nest syndrome\", not my wife!  


AND NOW!!  I just answered a phone call from my daughter who said she is having fairly hard contractions about 8 minutes apart! I may be a grandpa before the night is over :clap  :thumbup:  :inlove:  :priest:  :bowsmiley:

[!--QuoteBegin--][/span][table border=\"0\" align=\"center\" width=\"95%\" cellpadding=\"3\" cellspacing=\"1\"][tr][td]Quote (WileyClarkson @ Jan. 22 2003,08:37)[/td][/tr][tr][td id=\"QUOTE\"][!--QuoteEBegin--]AND NOW!! ?I just answered a phone call from my daughter who said she is having fairly hard contractions about 8 minutes apart! I may be a grandpa before the night is over :clap ?:thumbup: ?:inlove: ?:priest: ?:bowsmiley:[/quote]
Well! That's quite the cliff-hanger, Wiley! I just logged on here ... any news to report?? I am on the edge of my seat!

:clap: CONGRATS wiley! :clap:  :noddingsmiley:

Good idea.

I guess I'd say to that, \"Plan to wait, but assume that your plans are subject to the vagaries of the human reproductive system, as it does its work under God's hand.\"