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Months ago I started chatting with several people on an online game.  This was a game my entire family was playing and the chatting was innocent enough in the beginning.  Over time I began to get close to one of these people. I considered him a good friend and nothing more.  He and I would chat daily, usually several times a day or for several hours.  I am a stay at home mom.  I rarely leave the house and the internet is my escape.  I didn't realize how close I was getting to this guy. (don't assume keep reading) 

Well after a bit we started flirting and then exchanged a few comments that were inappropriate.  The worst part is this guy was the one who realized we shouldn't be doing this.  He stopped it before I did.  Well I felt terrible but still couldn't resist talking to him.  Our conversations went back to purely platonic and I thought things were fine.

I never told my husband any of this.  He would leave me if I told him, he's told me several times he couldn't stay with a woman who was unfaithful.  And being unfaithful is simply having the thought.. it doesn't matter if you act on it.  This is what he believes.  He told me shortly after all of this that he was feeling neglected.  I had begun to spend a massive amount of time online.  I have since stopped being online so much.  And I am never online when he is home.

Now to the hard part.  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  I think I was falling for this guy.. or rather not him so much as my idea of him.  It's so much easier to chat with someone online.  When he didn't reply I just told myself he was afk.  If my husband doesn't reply then he's just ignoring me or not paying attention.  Sometimes when I would chat with the guy online he would send me a smile.. I would picture him as reading everything I said with rapt attention, hanging on my every word.  After 18 years together, well talking isn't the same.. what is new? what does he not know about me? 

I find it really hard not to chat with this guy still.  He is super charming and an ocean away.  I think that is why I got in such a mess in the first place.  I mean.. he's an ocean away. What harm can there be in chatting?  (not asking, that is what I am wrestling with, I know the harm) This is not coming out the way I want it to.  I don't know what to do.  I feel bad keeping this from hubby, but I don't want to tell him either.  I don't want to lose him.  Even though I know the person I am imagining is not the person I was talking to, I still want to talk to him.  I still want that rush when he says "hey pretty lady" .   When I try to not talk to him I feel sick.  The way I should feel when I don't talk to my husband.

 

I think that if anyone shifts their focus away from their spouse and onto someone else, no matter in what way, it takes something away from ther marriage because sometimes you can stop trying at the marriage becuase you are getting some of your needs met thorugh someone else when they shouldnt be met this way.
It also makes you compare your own spouse unfavouably as you think that this other person is your 'knight in shining armour'. However he is just another man, with all the faults and failings of any of us, and as you say, the while thing isnt real anyway.
I would say that even though you are never likely to meet, it is still wrong, and is making you discontent with you own life.
I know that I wouldnt like it at all if my husband was talking to another women on line like you are with this guy. I would see it is being unnfaithful in an emotional way, even if it is not physical.

You do need to stop the contact before it affects your marriage even more than it is now in my opinion.

Quote from: Mom2three on Mon Jan 05, 2009 - 15:25:06
Months ago I started chatting with several people on an online game.  This was a game my entire family was playing and the chatting was innocent enough in the beginning.  Over time I began to get close to one of these people. I considered him a good friend and nothing more.  He and I would chat daily, usually several times a day or for several hours.  I am a stay at home mom.  I rarely leave the house and the internet is my escape.  I didn't realize how close I was getting to this guy. (don't assume keep reading) 

Well after a bit we started flirting and then exchanged a few comments that were inappropriate.  The worst part is this guy was the one who realized we shouldn't be doing this.  He stopped it before I did.  Well I felt terrible but still couldn't resist talking to him.  Our conversations went back to purely platonic and I thought things were fine.

I never told my husband any of this.  He would leave me if I told him, he's told me several times he couldn't stay with a woman who was unfaithful.  And being unfaithful is simply having the thought.. it doesn't matter if you act on it.  This is what he believes.  He told me shortly after all of this that he was feeling neglected.  I had begun to spend a massive amount of time online.  I have since stopped being online so much.  And I am never online when he is home.

Now to the hard part.  I have been doing a lot of thinking lately.  I think I was falling for this guy.. or rather not him so much as my idea of him.  It's so much easier to chat with someone online.  When he didn't reply I just told myself he was afk.  If my husband doesn't reply then he's just ignoring me or not paying attention.  Sometimes when I would chat with the guy online he would send me a smile.. I would picture him as reading everything I said with rapt attention, hanging on my every word.  After 18 years together, well talking isn't the same.. what is new? what does he not know about me? 

I find it really hard not to chat with this guy still.  He is super charming and an ocean away.  I think that is why I got in such a mess in the first place.  I mean.. he's an ocean away. What harm can there be in chatting?  (not asking, that is what I am wrestling with, I know the harm) This is not coming out the way I want it to.  I don't know what to do.  I feel bad keeping this from hubby, but I don't want to tell him either.  I don't want to lose him.  Even though I know the person I am imagining is not the person I was talking to, I still want to talk to him.  I still want that rush when he says "hey pretty lady" .   When I try to not talk to him I feel sick.  The way I should feel when I don't talk to my husband.

 

This is a PERFECT example of why married people should not have friends of the opposite sex!  This is exactly the type of thing that can soooo easily happen.

Having said that, I really feel for you, I know it's going to be hard to pull away from this, but you must do that.  It's good that you've stopped being online when your husband is home.  Try to do some things that you enjoy together, get out away from the kids and have fun!  I would recommend also repenting of what happened and just determine you will stay away from this type of thing, even if you have to keep your computer turned off for awhile.   Try to find something else to keep yourself and your mind busy, too.

We all mess up in one way or the other, so don't beat up on yourself too much.  Just turn away from it and determine to make your marriage better.

Its a game right? Either stop playing the game, switch realms/servers, create a new character, deny communication with non-friends (in game) if you have that option. There are many answers to your questions, but all of them end in you needing to stop talking with the online person because they distract you, and even hurt, your marriage.

Don't let it become a big issue. Just stop immediately. This person 'met' you in a game, their lives won't be over if you stop talking to them forever.

The best thing to do is to write him that you love your husband and you are thus breaking all communication with him.  Take drastic steps to break all communication with him.  The longer you allow this to continue the more life, joy, peace, and love it will rob from you and your loved ones!  A modern translation of "if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out" very well could be "if your computor causes you to sin, turn it off!"  

I need your prayers more than anything people.  I have broken off contact.  I met this person on the game yes, but then I added him to MSN and we were chatting there.  It's much harder than I thought.  Things are much better here than they have been but I need prayers to resist the temptation to speak to him, and prayers for my marriage.  I wanted the advice even though I knew what everyone would say.  So I guess.. just pray for me and my family.

Quote from: Mom2three on Tue Jan 06, 2009 - 10:57:36
I need your prayers more than anything people.  I have broken off contact.  I met this person on the game yes, but then I added him to MSN and we were chatting there.  It's much harder than I thought.  Things are much better here than they have been but I need prayers to resist the temptation to speak to him, and prayers for my marriage.  I wanted the advice even though I knew what everyone would say.  So I guess.. just pray for me and my family.

Absolutely!  God will honor your good intentions!  Claim the verse that says He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear! 

You need to be Faithful..to your Husband

And Stop doing this

Be Content..Build a Strong Bond with your Husband...Be thankful...

as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Eph 5:24-25

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.

He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church Eph 5:28-29

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
Col 3:18

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands ;

that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1-2

But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man , but to be in silence.

For Adam was first formed , then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
1 Tim 2:12-14

If you Leave him and Go and Marry another...You Do Commit Adultery Mark 10:12

You are Bound to the Law of your Husband..So long as he is Alive...Romans 7:2

So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress
Romans 7:3

You will Wish a Million Times a Million...You Stayed faithful to your Husband...

Count the Cost ... The Grass is not Greener on the Other Side

Quote from: Mom2three on Tue Jan 06, 2009 - 10:57:36
I need your prayers more than anything people.  I have broken off contact.  I met this person on the game yes, but then I added him to MSN and we were chatting there.  It's much harder than I thought.  Things are much better here than they have been but I need prayers to resist the temptation to speak to him, and prayers for my marriage.  I wanted the advice even though I knew what everyone would say.  So I guess.. just pray for me and my family.

Gladly, I'll pray for you.  And I commend you for reaching out for help. 

Quote from: Mom2three on Tue Jan 06, 2009 - 10:57:36
I need your prayers more than anything people.  I have broken off contact.  I met this person on the game yes, but then I added him to MSN and we were chatting there.  It's much harder than I thought.  Things are much better here than they have been but I need prayers to resist the temptation to speak to him, and prayers for my marriage.  I wanted the advice even though I knew what everyone would say.  So I guess.. just pray for me and my family.

Well done,you are doing the right thing. God Bless.

       

Yes it is very hard to break things off ... but you did what was right. There is away on MSN to DELETE & BLOCK this person from you list ... I have done it with a few of my online MALE FRIENDS as things were getting a wee bit to close for comfort ... I almost lost my husband over this ... so I'd hate to see U loose something good. 

I too will be praying for you ... if you ever need a  or a shoulder to lean on I am here and just leave me a pm anything !!

Take care and be sure to BREAK THINGS OFF ALL THE WAY !!!

I just said a prayer for you!!  You are doing the right thing by staying away from him!!!

The LORD says that His part is for those who overcome...  not those who play around.

If you can't stop and keep stopped, unplug your computer and get out of the house. Get rid of the internet.  We can pray for you, but you have to act on the WORD of the LORD, we can't do that for you. 

Your deliverance lies in your taking a hold of the LORD and NOT looking back.   

"For what does it profit a man if he gains the world and loses his soul?"...  Let the man go. He is not and was not yours to begin with.  Do not fall for the "prince charming" promise the world gives you.  Take hold of the fact that no man is perfect and you are married to a man in the LORD. 

Hi all, I haven't been around in a while because I am staying offline much more.  Things are much better with my husband and we have been spending lots of time together.  Lady_Karen and countrymama thank you so much for your encouraging words.. that is what I need at this time more than anything.  I will be hit and miss most of the time because I am spending my time with my husband and reading/bible study.    Just wanted to let you all know that I am doing much better 

Quote from: Mom2three on Mon Jan 19, 2009 - 12:08:20
Hi all, I haven't been around in a while because I am staying offline much more.  Things are much better with my husband and we have been spending lots of time together.  Lady_Karen and countrymama thank you so much for your encouraging words.. that is what I need at this time more than anything.  I will be hit and miss most of the time because I am spending my time with my husband and reading/bible study.    Just wanted to let you all know that I am doing much better 

BRILLIANT news, well done you. I hope that things will continue to improve for you both.God Bless.