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Greetings to all,

This is my 1st post; I apologize for it being so long – but I have a very specific problem and need to know if there is a a way back to God for me.  Any input is greatly appreciated!

Essentially I have 1 question - have anyone of you ever lost your faith?  I mean completely lost your faith?...

Here's the short version of the story.  I became a born again believer 9 years ago; I saw God work in my life, I was happy; I mean sure, there were struggles; I fell many times, but always got back up.  However, as time went on, I got further & further from God; I read less and less of the Word, I reduced my church attendants, and pretty soon I was no longer a Christian, and if I was you couldn't tell by any outward appearances.

It was during this time that I did something I will never forget and will always regret - I went into a rage, but not just any rage....the things I said to God this day, no one on earth would say to another human being, much less to God.  For starters, I called Him every name in the book....I was screaming at the top of my lungs.  From that I went on to call, God, the Son, and the holy spirit the devil - yes, the devil.  I also accused the resurrection as being of the devil.  Put it this way, normal sane people don't things like this.  Mind you, this is all 5-6 years ago, so my memory may be a little fuzzy.  The last thing I remember yelling was for God to get out of my life, and under no circumstance did I want Him back.  Also, during this whole time I had a sinister feeling come over me, accompanied by an equally sinister laugh.  Thinking back on it, I really don't know why I did any of this; I didn't know then and I don't know now.  To see if maybe I could get away with it?...  I really don't know.

Anyway, a few minutes after all of this had taken place I realized how foolish I was to do what I had just done; I said I was sorry to God, as genuinely as I could (considering not 5-10 minutes had gone by) and didn't think much of it.  Now, I believe it was the next day that I hold a thought cross my mind - it was as I was walking to my car: I heard myself think: "blasphemy of the Holy Spirit" - I thought: "hmmm, what's that mean..."  So naturally, I looked it up - and what I found scared me to death!

I found the 3 passages, in 3 Gospels where Jesus thought about the unforgivable sin.  I was very concerned [and remain that way to this day] because of the way Jesus spoke in these passages...  "Every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit shall not be forgiven neither in this age, or the age to come - because they said he has an unclean spirit

Rule Number 1: God is love
Rule Number 2: He accepts all that seek Him
Rule Number 3: If in our seeking, we wonder if He will accept us, see Rule Number 1.

Fire is not only destructive, it is also purifying. Perhaps the Blinding Light purified you for Himself.

The call of God is to live as God made Man to live. If you see in Jesus, the light of what you know is true, then follow His example and God will be with you.

Being fruitful refers primarily to transformation of yourself.

You're not big enough for God to take your rant personally.

You might want to download a copy of the book "Practicing the Presence of God," by Brother Lawrence. A bit difficult to read, it illustrates the view that we acknowledge our messing ups, give them to God, and get on with the transformation. We leave all that has gone before - even 5 or 10 minutes - to God.

Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit isn't rage. It is assigning to the evil one, the things caused by the Spirit, and its punishment is given - and therefore its import - in a specific context which likely doesn't include you.

Now, go have a latte and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

There is as much hope for you as there is any one of us.  You're really not as different as you might think.   It really is okay.  As HR said, God is certianly big enough to handle ANYTHING you might have thrown at Him.  He's just tickled you're that passionate about it all.   I personally believe anyone with real faith at some point in their life has to do lots of questioning and doubt.  I know I did.    Please know you have not committed the unpardonable sin.  And while you're having that latte go ahead and make a gratitude list.  It does wonders!!!   

Hi nice to meet you.

You believe in Jesus his full and free forgivness of your sins  because of the holy Ghost so it is easy for me to tell you that you have not commited the unpardanble sin.

And their is no sin that Jesus has not paid the full penalty for.



actualy
The unpardnable sin is a Stead Fast  rejection a blaspheming against the HOLY GHOST and his work
against a  better knowledge he has already given one that Jesus is their only savior from sin.


You certainly have not steadfastly rejected the holy Ghost  his work bringing you to faith again in Jesus full and free forgivness of your sins.

It sounds to me your very much like all christians a  repent sinner trusting in their only savior from sin Jesus for his free and full forgivnes of all your sins.
Is that true?


John 1:29
29The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!

  What they said.

I disagree with the things that have been said in reply to this question.  Past that... I'll keep it to myself. 

Quote from: Fisher81 on Mon Feb 16, 2009 - 12:44:10
Greetings to all,

This is my 1st post; I apologize for it being so long – but I have a very specific problem and need to know if there is a a way back to God for me.  Any input is greatly appreciated!

Essentially I have 1 question - have anyone of you ever lost your faith?  I mean completely lost your faith?...

Here's the short version of the story.  I became a born again believer 9 years ago; I saw God work in my life, I was happy; I mean sure, there were struggles; I fell many times, but always got back up.  However, as time went on, I got further & further from God; I read less and less of the Word, I reduced my church attendants, and pretty soon I was no longer a Christian, and if I was you couldn't tell by any outward appearances.

It was during this time that I did something I will never forget and will always regret - I went into a rage, but not just any rage....the things I said to God this day, no one on earth would say to another human being, much less to God.  For starters, I called Him every name in the book....I was screaming at the top of my lungs.  From that I went on to call, God, the Son, and the holy spirit the devil - yes, the devil.  I also accused the resurrection as being of the devil.  Put it this way, normal sane people don't things like this.  Mind you, this is all 5-6 years ago, so my memory may be a little fuzzy.  The last thing I remember yelling was for God to get out of my life, and under no circumstance did I want Him back.  Also, during this whole time I had a sinister feeling come over me, accompanied by an equally sinister laugh.  Thinking back on it, I really don't know why I did any of this; I didn't know then and I don't know now.  To see if maybe I could get away with it?...  I really don't know.

Anyway, a few minutes after all of this had taken place I realized how foolish I was to do what I had just done; I said I was sorry to God, as genuinely as I could (considering not 5-10 minutes had gone by) and didn't think much of it.  Now, I believe it was the next day that I hold a thought cross my mind - it was as I was walking to my car: I heard myself think: "blasphemy of the Holy Spirit" - I thought: "hmmm, what's that mean..."  So naturally, I looked it up - and what I found scared me to death!

I found the 3 passages, in 3 Gospels where Jesus thought about the unforgivable sin.  I was very concerned [and remain that way to this day] because of the way Jesus spoke in these passages...  "Every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit shall not be forgiven neither in this age, or the age to come - because they said he has an unclean spirit”.

To blaspheme in the Greek means: “to speak against; revile; call good evil”, etc, etc...  Now unfortunately, I did indeed speak against the Holy spirit; there's no question in that.  The question is, what did Jesus really mean in this passage??? 

Throughout the last 5 years you could say I've become somewhat of a scholar on the “unpardonable sin”.  There are 3 main interpretations of the 3 passages in the Gospels – the 1st of which is that this sin could only be committed by those that were physically present in the day of Jesus.  By this view, the reason this sin is unforgivable is because of the very nature and work of the Holy Spirit in the ministry of Christ.  God the Father sent His Son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins – and it is the Holy spirit who convinces us of this truth, convicts us of our sins and guides us to repent and believe in Christ.  3 Persons, 3 separate and unique functions.  Therefore, if you, being there in the day of Jesus see Him and stand face to face with Him and see His miracles first-hand...and then say He does it by the power of the Devil, than you reject the One who can bring you to salvation.

The 2nd view holds that this sin cannot be committed today because the circumstances described above cannot be duplicated today.  The 3rd and final view is that the Holy Spirit is very much at work today, but by rejecting Jesus Christ we commit an “unpardonable sin.”  But what if Jesus meant what He said at face value? - what if this sin is a singular sin of the tongue?....  If that's the case, I'm outside of God's grace and am going to hell  Then again that would contradict Romans 10:9-10: “9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.”  If I'm understanding that passage correctly, then verse 10 is saying that you believe with your heart and merely confess with the mouth.  When I renounced God that day, called Him the devil and than said the same things of the Holy Spirit I don't recall speaking from the heart.  Nevertheless, things were never the same again, and remain so to this day.

At first, I tried walking with God; I sought the advice of my Christian friends and pastors, all of which tried to convince me that God could still forgive me; but every time I tried to believe that I heard Jesus saying: “every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven, but the blasphemy against the holy spirit shall not be forgiven, neither in this age or the age to come – because they said He has an unclean spirit”.  It's that 1 little word, “but” and the phrase: “neither in this age or the age to come” that don't let me rest.  I read scholars explain that by “this age” and “the age to come” means Jesus then, in that day; while the latter is referring to when Jesus comes again.  Another interpretations separates the 2 ages to mean pre-cross and post cross.  By this interpretation, this is is the 1 sin Jesus' sacrifice cannot forgive.

The other thing that happened is that shortly after all this occurred, I received a vision while praying at church for God's forgiveness – in this vision, I was standing before a blinding light [I remember I was very scared] and all of a sudden I was engulfed in flames.  I'm not one to put too much stock in visions, but that was the one and only that I ever had, and it scares me to to death to this day!  I took it to mean that God wants nothing to do with me anymore.

Soon after, I just figured it would be best to distance myself from the church; if I was/am going to hell at least I wasn't going to think about it.  Trying to forget everything was the best way to do it.  When people would ask what happened I just would say I don't believe anymore; later that very thing went on to be true – I really didn't believe anymore.  I filled my head with about as much worldly philosophy as anyone can, trying to discredit Christianity  Life went on so to speak, I was working and just living life like everyone else.  For whatever reason though, I still occasionally thought [and think] that we all eventually have to die; there is no escaping it.

So it took 3-4 years, but I eventually started going to church again, and trying to reconnect with God – but it just hasn't been the same.  I don't feel God's pretense in my life at all, in fact, I feel as though I'm trying to believe in my own strength.  Furthermore, one night a couple months ago I had a dream – the dream was straightforward; I was in a lake of fire.  It was again one of those dreams that felt very real; I felt the pain of the fire on my flesh.  I woke up startled, of course – and was really then convinced that no matter how much I pray, and how much I beg for forgiveness I can never be taken back

Nevertheless, at the advice of my pastor I continued to read my bible and going to church; the thing is none of that has done anything for me thus far.  I don't feel moved at all by God like I used to.  I also have thoughts of doubt; things like: “there is no God, no one hears me.”  At the same time though, I'm scared to stand before Him and go to hell...  These thoughts of doubt and unbelief still persist though; even when I'm reading my bible or while at Church.  I pray about it every night, but nothing is changing.  I prayed for God's guidance in His Word today – and you know what I came across? - Mark 14:21--”The Son of Man will go just as it is written about him. But woe to that man who betrays the Son of Man! It would be better for him if he had not been born."   Scriptures also says that :it is the spirit Himself who empowers you to believe”  So, if I'm not believing what I once did that could only mean the Spirit is no longer with me.  I rayed to God to help me believe, I prayed for a dream from Him; I told Him that I committed a very specific sin and thus need a very specific answer....and nothing is happening.  I told Him I surrender my life, my heart, my freewill – and nothing.


This is only my own fault though....I knew the goodness of God, I was very blessed by Him; I had a very strong faith; I was quite fruitful...and yet I threw it all away.  I truly believe that I have lost my faith, lost the Spirit, and thus, lost my salvation.  After all, renouncing God, by explicitly saying so, and  saying “you invite the devil back into your life and worship him” is not something that could be taken lightly.  Again – why I did any of this is beyond me!

  The bible says that we are justified by faith, therefore if I have doubts and am in unbelief I don't have faith and thus am no longer saved.  Scripture does also confirm my speculations; not only in the verse where Jesus talks about the unpardonable sin, but also in the following passages

Hebrews 6:4-6: “It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, 5who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, 6if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because[a]to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.”

1 John 5:16: “If anyone sees his brother commit a sin that does not lead to death, he should pray and God will give him life. I refer to those whose sin does not lead to death. There is a sin that leads to death. I am not saying that he should pray about that.”

Genesis 6:3: “Then the LORD said, "My Spirit will not contend with [a] man forever, for he is mortal; his days will be a hundred and twenty years."

Nonetheless, after reading my story, do you think there's hope for me?  Maybe all I can expect now really is only hell...

Thank you for reading.

Nope !  Give up !  All is lost !   Of course that is if you are dead.  But from what I can see, you are still alive and asking and working your way back from your rage. 

Keep striving towards the truth.  You have not committed the unforgivable sin.  You stumbled a little, but who doesn't ? 

God is all love.

 
  Again what he said. 

 I can associate with your feelings, My grand daughter drowned at 3and a half years old. Believe me I lost it bad and went into a rage myself, I hollered out things to God I never would believed I could say to God even cursing, but I know God loves me and I repented of what I said over and over. So because of your remorse I'm sure God still loves you, so put it behind you and move forward.
   For a very good explanation read what, H Roberson says in his reply he explains things very well.

Thank you all for the encouragement.  I'm just perplexed as to why I can't get passed this all these years.  I just wish I could reconnect with God, and have things be like they used to be; I want my faith back!  I also need to stop rationalizing everything.

Find a Spiritual Director: www.sdi.org

You'll need to be discerning to find 1) a Christian one, and 2) one that is familiar with your faith community.

Or, you could find a Christian counselor (one with both a license and graduate training in Christianity) who could do essentially the same thing for you. You will want to find one that is familiar with your faith community.

What is a spiritual director?....

Quote from: Fisher81 on Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 11:56:02
What is a spiritual director?....

A spiritual director is someone who facilitates your exploration and growth with God. Some act like counselors, some are less involved during your meetings. Their job is to create a safe or sacred space and, by asking questions, or through assigning tasks between sessions, to help you become more aware of God in your life.

Is some respects their job involves aspects of pastoral care, counseling, mentoring, and guidance.

Spiritual direction has a long history, primarily in Roman Catholicism, but some Protestant denoms are beginning to see its value, as are some in churches of Christ. Over the years, other philosophies and religions have picked up on the idea and so now you can find Pagan, New Age, and a host of other types of directors. So you have to choose the one that's best for you.

I should add....

unless your pastor or someone at church can and is willing to provide this ministry for you, you will likely have to pay for spiritual direction just as you would counseling.

Your sessions would probably be weekly to start and then monthly. You will likely be asked questions like "where did you see God since we last met?" or "where was God in this situation?"

Assignments might include learning and practicing lectio divina, quiet breathing and reflection, Scripture reading, prayer, and/or creating a plan of life.

Here are some other things for you to ponder:

God will forgive any sin, except the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, then perhaps blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is very simply...never becoming a born again believer? This is what I have come to believe from my scripture reading and listening to close to 100 pastors preach on it.

Another thought, perhaps the reason you cannot move forward from your past mistakes, is because you do not "truly believe" that God will forgive you & are listening to satanic condemning thoughts. God is more powerful than your thoughts.

Find some counseling, as HR suggested, and also have some people pray for you. Honestly, none of us know the state of your heart, or even what happened when you cursed God. God is the judge, we only have the Bible & Holy Spirit to go by.

Quote from: fanuvmxpx on Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 12:26:46
Here are some other things for you to ponder:

God will forgive any sin, except the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, then perhaps blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is very simply...never becoming a born again believer? This is what I have come to believe from my scripture reading and listening to close to 100 pastors preach on it.

That's what I'm being led to believe also; from a scriptural standpoint that's the only thing that makes sense. 

QuoteAnother thought, perhaps the reason you cannot move forward from your past mistakes, is because you do not "truly believe" that God will forgive you & are listening to satanic condemning thoughts. God is more powerful than your thoughts

.

I can assure you that is indeed probably what's going on; my mind is playing games with me.  Every time I want to move forward and believe I am forgiven, I hear: "BUT the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit WILL NOT be forgiven; neither in this age, or the age to come - because they said He has an unclean spirit."  I think [and hope!] that the reason this unforgivable is because said person is rejecting Jesus Christ; because said person's heart is so hardened that he/she would not ever care to even want to repent....and not a 1 time singular sin of the tongue.

QuoteFind some counseling, as HR suggested, and also have some people pray for you.

I would look into it, but I am jobless right now and as a result money is tough.  My only source of spiritual counseling is A) the Holy Spirit Himself, and B) the pastor of my church.

QuoteHonestly, none of us know the state of your heart, or even what happened when you cursed God.

Honestly, I don't even know the state of my heart most of the time - I still don't know what came over me that one day either.  Furthermore, after disobeying and straying from God for so long, along with listening to [and at the time agreeing with] the ideologies of my atheist friends - I can no longer differentiate between whether or not the thoughts of doubt and unbelief I'm having are a product of spiritual warfare or is what i really think and am trying to deny it.

What I do know is I want that 'child like faith' Jesus speaks of.  I want to see God work in my life again as he once did.  I want that strong faith again - that I had 9 years ago, when I first heard the Gospel and accepted the Lord.  Also, I want desperately to see my mom and the rest of my family get saved.

Quote from: Fisher81 on Tue Feb 17, 2009 - 13:30:22
What I do know is I want that 'child like faith' Jesus speaks of.  I want to see God work in my life again as he once did.  I want that strong faith again - that I had 9 years ago, when I first heard the Gospel and accepted the Lord.  Also, I want desperately to see my mom and the rest of my family get saved.

God says you will know His children by their works. Start there. Involve yourself in a charity if you are able to. Bless others with your time, and see how much you will feel blessed in return. I challenge you to spread love to others, and by doing so, I would love for you to let us know if the burden on your heart is lifted.

The less I think of myself, the less I ponder my own worries/thoughts, the more I give of myself to others...the happier I am. I have come to this realization, that by "acting out" the heart of Christ...you will feel blessed as a consequence.

Get involved in some form of Church. If not a giant building, get in a home fellowship, share with others just like you have here. You are going to come across many, many different interpretations & denominations relating to the Bible. Keep your focus on Christ, and doing His work, and you will be blessed.

You are fighting spiritual warfare. Don the armor of God, and destroy the enemy. Be bold in your faith, be bold in your ministry. You are seeking the Lord correct? Why do you think you are seeking Him? Because He never left you, you walked away, now pick up your armor soldier, and again walk towards your King.

I am happy to report, that after almost 5 years of mental torment & torture, I am FINALLY starting to feel better; the dark thoughts & emotions are beginning to lift    I don't know what suddenly happened, or why it took so long - but I'm SO relieved to be feeling what I'm feeling right now!

There's a part of me that still can't believe it; I'm siting here, and am tempted to scream out joyfully: "you mean after ALL THAT, God is still here? - He's still with me???  NO WAY??!?!... 

Quote from: Fisher81 on Wed Feb 18, 2009 - 19:47:50
I am happy to report, that after almost 5 years of mental torment & torture, I am FINALLY starting to feel better; the dark thoughts & emotions are beginning to lift    I don't know what suddenly happened, or why it took so long - but I'm SO relieved to be feeling what I'm feeling right now!

There's a part of me that still can't believe it; I'm siting here, and am tempted to scream out joyfully: "you mean after ALL THAT, God is still here? - He's still with me???  NO WAY??!?!... 

I'm Very happy for you, God will not leave or forsake you.

Fisher81,
Personally, I believe God can handle the rant.  Truth be known, many people have similar thoughts and feelings they just don't verbalize them.  God hears the thoughts as much as he would screaming at the top of your lungs.  Maybe he is refreshed with your honesty.  Anyway...to answer your last question...I believe you have tons of things to hope for!  God can use you in extremely powerful ways to minister to others dealing with similar feelings.

If you got mad at GOD, that means you have a relationship with HIM.  And HE is a forgiving father.

Quote from: Fisher81 on Wed Feb 18, 2009 - 19:47:50
I am happy to report, that after almost 5 years of mental torment & torture, I am FINALLY starting to feel better; the dark thoughts & emotions are beginning to lift    I don't know what suddenly happened, or why it took so long - but I'm SO relieved to be feeling what I'm feeling right now!

There's a part of me that still can't believe it; I'm siting here, and am tempted to scream out joyfully: "you mean after ALL THAT, God is still here? - He's still with me???  NO WAY??!?!... 

That's good to hear.

Let me say that you must remember that Jesus did not come to judge, he said so himself, but to give life.

Jesus warning to those who said his works were of the devil was not for a single event, but against continuing to do so. He was calling them to repentance as he said he had come to do. Any of those who repented and believed that day would have been saved.

To repent means to change your mind [and follow it up with actions]. You have done this and are forgiven. Its that smple really.

I don't know how much more to say. If the world condemns you - it is Christ who justifies. If your heart condemns you - you have the Holy Spirit of God. If the devil condemns you - there is no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus. These are all things the Bible tells us are true about God. All we need to do is believe and live by them.