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I know that as a Christian I am only supposed to be interested in Christian men to marry and that I have no problem with, but someone I know who is also a Christian doesn't really grasp this as they know of at least one Christian who has married a non believer and also can't get their head around couples who are already married and only one spouse is a believer, which to them is the same thing.
I really don't know how to go about explaining how/why we as Christians are only supposed to date/court Christians, any help or advice wil be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

The Bible tells us that we are not to be uneaqually yoked with un believers. God tells us not to marry those who dont believe,and He knows best surely.

11 cor 4v14
Do  not be uneaqually yoked with unbelievers (do not make mismated alliances with them or come under a different yoke with them, inconsistant with your faith) For what partnership have right living and right standing with God with iniqity and lawlessness? Or how can light have fellowship with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? Or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever?

I know a few women who are married to non Christian husbands and it has caused no end of problems for them,and also it is hard to find a non Christian who has the same moral standards as a Christian, so if we were to go out with a non Christian, how many of them would want to wait till marriage for sex for example?
it is like trying to mix oil and water, it doesnt happen. You friend shouldnt go by what others have done but by what God says. 

Thanks for that 

Where it gets really hard is raising children when one of you doesn't go to church gatherings, pray, read the Bible, etc.

It's hard to raise children to follow a Christian lifestyle when someone who is supposed to be their example does not. It's like being a single parent with a built-in bad influence.

Quote from: admin on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 16:41:56
Where it gets really hard is raising children when one of you doesn't go to church gatherings, pray, read the Bible, etc.

It's hard to raise children to follow a Christian lifestyle when someone who is supposed to be their example does not. It's like being a single parent with a built-in bad influence.

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Yes that is true. God never tells us not to do something for no reason, He does it for our own good and to save is from pain.. Marrying a non believer can cause all sorts of difficult problems, and this can be avioded by obeying God in the first place. I know that it is hard for older women in particuler who find themselves single as there are so many of them compared to available Christian men of the older ages, so sometimes they marry a non Christian just so they have some body, but this isnt the way forward.  Often the one who is the christian drifts away from God especially if the non believer is unhappy about their faith and the time that thery spend going to church etc.

Thanks esp. Chosenone, the women that I posted about is an older woman and has been married before which only ended because he died and has had a couple of relationships since then, but was not a Christian at that time.  I have thought of bringing up the verse 1 Cor. 7:39 39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

Quote from: dh1746 on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 19:54:58
Thanks esp. Chosenone, the women that I posted about is an older woman and has been married before which only ended because he died and has had a couple of relationships since then, but was not a Christian at that time.  I have thought of bringing up the verse 1 Cor. 7:39 39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

Yes that would be a good verses to tell her as that is quite clear isnt it about who widows are to marry. I know that some say that going out with someone is different from marrying them, but I know an older lady (age 50) who went out with a non Christian man who had been married three times already and she was convinced that he would become a christian, and she wanted to marry him. Well, he didnt become a Christian, they ended up having a sexual relationship (which she said she would never do) and he never asked her to marry him.They split up after less than   a year which was probably a blessing as apparently 4th marriages only have an 8% success rate.

If you arent going to marry a non Christian then why go out with one? yes, some may convert, but if they dont you then have to decide whether to obey God and seperate from him. or disobey God and marry him anyway.

Thank you so much! 

Quote from: dh1746 on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 20:22:33
Thank you so much! 

MY pleasure, but remember, you can only tell her what The Bible says, but it is up to her as to whether she takes any notice, but is good that you care and want to help her in this way.
God Bless

Quote from: chosenone on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 20:31:58

Quote from: dh1746 on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 20:22:33
Thank you so much! 

MY pleasure, but remember, you can only tell her what The Bible says, but it is up to her as to whether she takes any notice, but is good that you care and want to help her in this way.
God Bless

Yes, I fully understand that and I know that I can't do it just randomly either, it has to be bought up in topic.  But whether she takes heed or not is another matter....she doesn't seem to like it a heck of a lot because I am younger agewise.

The reason to NOT date a nonbeliever, is that you can fall in love with them, and marry them, and end up in a marriage with kids that don't serve God.  To marry a nonbeliever won't change them over night into a Champion for Christ and both of you come strolling to church the next week all ready to serve the LORD.  Chances are more likely that they will drag you back, and keep you from doing the things that God wants you to do. 

I've seen great damage done to children who had one saved parent and one not.  And if they get worse in their sin, you are bound to them.  I've seen wonderful God fearing people torn up by a sinning spouse.  I've seen them week after week for years at the altars crying.  I've seen them cheated on and end up divorced, beaten down and discouraged in their walk.  That should not be so... if we only listened to God.  God may cause them to change,  He wants that no man should perish, but He is not obligated to for you, because He warned you not to do it, and what could happen plainly in His word. 

I'm reminded of the Prayer of Jabez here....

"Now, Jabez was more honorable than his brothers, and he prayed  "Oh Lord, Bless me indeed! Inhance my territory, have your hand upon me daily, keep evil far from me. "  And God said yes."  {I Chronicles 4:9-10}

I always keep two things of this passage in the forefront ...  1.  Jabez was more honorable than his brothers.   and   2.  God said yes.
When you walk uprightly in obedience to the LORD God Almighty...  you have a course before him... and He says yes.  When you don't.  You cannot complain when you have thorns in your butt for sitting down on the job.  Walk with HIM, obey HIM and see the salvation of the LORD.

The word says to bring up your children in the fear and admonition of the LORD... but when you have a parent who won't allow it, or interferes, mocks and scoffs in front of them, it does damage.  Why would anyone want to go through that? 

The word Paul gave was to the NEW church, just finding their way in Christianity, and they came to him for instruction already married.  One came to believe for salvation AFTER they were married.  Paul told them to stay if there had been no adultery and to walk in a chase and respectful manner before the LORD that one day perhaps their spouse may be won to the LORD.  He gave no promise that they would be saved, but that they may be saved. 

That means if you LOVE a man or woman with all your heart and you marry them, and walk with them before the LORD, still the possibility is there that some day, you will see them pass away into an eternity without God.  Seeing them pass away would be so hard, but to know that they went to an eternity of damnation would be worse.  You can't change them, they have a choice and it can get much worse.

I believe that instruction to be sound, as the LORD wants His people to be able to focus on Him and walk in victory and not to be bound by things of this world and of Satan.  Like it or not, the unsaved are of Satan until they receive the LORD as savior.  To marry one is to divide your house. 

I think for believers, we have to be ready to humble ourselves, and set aside what we think when the word is plain to us.  We are obedient or we are not.  The word says to NOT be unequally yoked to a nonbeliever... not in marriage, not in business, not in anything.  The ONLY nonbelievers I hang out with (and it's rare) is my blood relatives on holidays... and it's always at my house, where the standards have been set by the word of God...  my husband is there and he openly speaks of the LORD, he is there to cover me and I am of him...   

I think too... that for a believer... it should be a no brainer on dating and marriage.  God said it... it is true.

Quote from: chosenone on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 20:12:48

Quote from: dh1746 on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 19:54:58
Thanks esp. Chosenone, the women that I posted about is an older woman and has been married before which only ended because he died and has had a couple of relationships since then, but was not a Christian at that time.  I have thought of bringing up the verse 1 Cor. 7:39 39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

Yes that would be a good verses to tell her as that is quite clear isnt it about who widows are to marry. I know that some say that going out with someone is different from marrying them, but I know an older lady (age 50) who went out with a non Christian man who had been married three times already and she was convinced that he would become a christian, and she wanted to marry him. Well, he didnt become a Christian, they ended up having a sexual relationship (which she said she would never do) and he never asked her to marry him.They split up after less than   a year which was probably a blessing as apparently 4th marriages only have an 8% success rate.

If you arent going to marry a non Christian then why go out with one? yes, some may convert, but if they dont you then have to decide whether to obey God and seperate from him. or disobey God and marry him anyway.

"I know an older lady (age 50)" Really, I am almost 50. I am not an older man. Yes the ideal woman for me would be an "older woman." I have been a Christian for almost 40 years. I have been around some women who were good women. I do not know if they were Christian. I am living outside of the dating scene. If I ever get back it will have to be someone within a church setting. I would like to think I could lead a woman to Christ. However, I want a woman who is mature in her faith. I would not date a woman who want to lead away from the most important relationship.

Quote from: Rahn on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:16:05

Quote from: chosenone on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 20:12:48

Quote from: dh1746 on Sat Feb 28, 2009 - 19:54:58
Thanks esp. Chosenone, the women that I posted about is an older woman and has been married before which only ended because he died and has had a couple of relationships since then, but was not a Christian at that time.  I have thought of bringing up the verse 1 Cor. 7:39 39A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

Yes that would be a good verses to tell her as that is quite clear isnt it about who widows are to marry. I know that some say that going out with someone is different from marrying them, but I know an older lady (age 50) who went out with a non Christian man who had been married three times already and she was convinced that he would become a christian, and she wanted to marry him. Well, he didnt become a Christian, they ended up having a sexual relationship (which she said she would never do) and he never asked her to marry him.They split up after less than   a year which was probably a blessing as apparently 4th marriages only have an 8% success rate.

If you arent going to marry a non Christian then why go out with one? yes, some may convert, but if they dont you then have to decide whether to obey God and seperate from him. or disobey God and marry him anyway.

"I know an older lady (age 50)" Really, I am almost 50. I am not an older man. Yes the ideal woman for me would be an "older woman." I have been a Christian for almost 40 years. I have been around some women who were good women. I do not know if they were Christian. I am living outside of the dating scene. If I ever get back it will have to be someone within a church setting. I would like to think I could lead a woman to Christ. However, I want a woman who is mature in her faith. I would not date a woman who want to lead away from the most important relationship.

WEll there is older or there is older. I am 52 and compared to the poster I am 'older' which is why i said 'Older' when referring to the 50 year old women that I was talking about. Compared to a 70 year old of course you are 'younger' but sadly to someone in their 20's or 30's you are definately 'older' (as I am also) whether we like it or not.

A christian couple builds a castle together, and the goal is to raise children who carry on the tradition of spreading the Gospel. If the father and mother disagree about the importance of the Gospel, then the efforts of spreading it will be big problems in that family. The foundation is Jesus Christ. Both must build on the same foundation. Good looks and infatuation just don't cut it when the goal is for spreading the Gospel. A godly marriage is much more than a thrill about beauty and handsomeness.

Quote from: chosenone on Wed Feb 25, 2009 - 08:46:42

so if we were to go out with a non Christian, how many of them would want to wait till marriage for sex for example?

I agree!  Wholeheartedly!  I think it is next to impossible to try to get non-Christian guys to understand and fully comprehend your desire to wait to have sex until marriage.  They just DON'T get it!!!!  Christian guys should respect this desire and desire it for themselves.  So, even though it is hard, I am seeking out other Christians to date, and have basically closed the door on dating non-Christians.  I am very committed to abstinence because sleeping around only causes heartache and I have been down that road too many times before.  I know where that road ends and it is never a good place.  I think it is difficult meeting Christian guys, however.  I am not giving up, but I think it is difficult.  I have tried recently online sites, but although I met one guy who lives in my state, I did not find him very attractive.  Needless to say, we do have a very good friendship and do a nice bible study over the phone.  So, it wasn't all a loss. 

I wish all single guys and gals luck in their quest for other Christians.  I think when we all do find mr. or miss right, it will be worth the wait, because it will be ordained by God, and He knows what He is doing...better than we could ever imagine, it will be!!!  I am waiting on God!