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Hi

I come from a christian family, therefore I know from experience God is the most amazing way to live your life. This is a long story, but for those who take the time to read this and understand my problem I'll be eternily greatful. You'll really be making a positive change in my life, when needed the most.

I dated this girl, for 5 summers. We dated during the spring / fall too but mainly phone relationships. I fell in love with her, not the kind of love where you start talking to someone new and move on after about 3 months either, the enternal kind of love that doesn't fade, the kind where she could shoot me in the back of my head and me give her one of my kidneys the next day. Well, we're totally different. She's really big into school while I'm more laid back and like to have fun. She has big dreams while my dreams aren't so big. She's an amazing girl, she has the best heart I've ever seen in my life. She was there for me at the beginning and carried me through terrible times and she proved to me during those times that she was someone I needed. I basically treated her bad at first, I don't know why, I always hurt her so bad and knew what I was doing but just couldn't stop. It really made her change the way she saw me and to this day it's like she won't open back up to me.

Well, anyway, recently she moved to another country (for privacy issues I won't say so), to study for her spring semester, she left in January and won't be back until June. Well, she changed her cell phone number before she left and wouldn't give it to me, she claimed she didn't know what it was. Well, she blocked me from her messengers and etc. in January after she left. Four months went by and the other day I got on and made a new name and talked to her. She asked why I wanted to talk to her and I said because I wanted her in my life as a friend, which was a lie. She kinda fussed at me and told me how she'll never forgive me for hurting her before and talked pretty bad to me. She said it breaks her heart that she has to come back to America and be in the same state as me and she got depressed the second I messaged her. I've tried everything to get this girl back, but I never really gave her space previously, I always pretty much gave it a week and called back. I did what Jesus did and turned the other cheeck when she would say something mean, I told her I was sorry, she was a great girl and she deserved the best. I told her if she ever changed her mind, my door was always open. I really was being sweet. Well after a while of talking I was like "I'm over you, trust me, I'm moving in with my girlfriend next fall." And she said "I had just unblocked you when you told me that, just when I thought you were being sincere you hurt me again". It sounded kinda like she had gotten mad. But I got on messenger and we talked on there and she told me she had been seeing someone in the other country, she said he was in the army and she had been out with him and made out with him and liked him. I have to say it broke my heart, she's a city girl that's in one of the major cities of the world dating someone whom is in the military, she claimed he was romantic and etc. It kinda made me think I couldn't compare to that so after she said that I was like "I guess it's really over between us then." Her response was "then why do I still think about you?" She told me she had been dreaming about us having sex, I asked her if that's what she wanted and she kept saying she doesn't know. She doesn't know what she wants and she asked me if I wanted a future with her. I told her I had a girlfriend and was considering proposing (basically that was a lie to see how she'd respond), she came out and told me that hearing that made her cry. So I told her talking to her made me realize I wasn't over her, I still loved her so much and wanted to be with her. She told me she missed the way I kissed her, touched her, she wanted to be with me, and how we used to talk until the sun come up. I asked her why she said that and she said "to prove that you want us to get back together." Then I asked her if that's how she really felt and she said sometimes. I don't know what to do here, I have a girlfriend whom claims to be in love with me and while she's a really good girl I'm slowing pulling away, I can't be with her because I still love my ex. I don't wanna tell her that cause she'd never speak to me again. I need you guys opinion, what can I do to prove myself? This summer, should I basically spend my time being here for her, letting her know I care about her but if she goes out with other guys and etc. just basically turning the other cheek and letting her know I'm still here? I wanna know what Jesus would advise me to do, this girl completes me and I don't wanna be without her. I love her, I'd do anything for her. I want to be with her more than anything, the kind of love that we have is the kind of love that can make it through anything. What would Jesus advise me to do? Fight for the woman that I love? Prove that I've changed and be here for her always? Or walk away?  I've told her 100 times that if she can tell me that she doesn't wanna work things out I'll go away, she won't tell me if she does or if she doesn't. She just says I don't know what I want. Please help? I want to know what would Jesus tell me to do. I wanna know if it sounds like I have a chance still, because if I do I'll fight for her. I don't feel like I compare to the new guy, I'm short, not very cute, etc. but she claimed she loved kissing me and stuff. She said she liked me kissing her better than him kissing her too, but what do you guys think? What direction do you think the Lord would point me in?

The basics of christian relationships revolve around one verse - love your neighbour as yourself. In otherwords treat others the way we would want them to treat us.

That means, not lying to them. Manipulating them. Controling them. Using them or getting physical with them when you haven't made a lifetime covenant with them before God.

Looks like I'm the only one who voted so far. I voted that you should walk away. I know it's difficult (I've been there) but in the end, I think it's the best thing to do.

You say it's an eternal love that doesn't fade, but from your description it doesn't sound that way to me. I had a relationship like that a long time ago. We loved the kissing and hugging and wanted to go everywhere together, and to do everything together, but we never had sex. We eventually decided that we had very different interests and personalities and went separate ways, but still as friends. It turned out well, because we both eventually found our true loves and are happy.

Then there's the fact that you lied to her. That would be a deal breaker to me. To lie to her just to get a piece of information, I think would be unforgivable to her. I think you blew it when you did that.

Tom M.

Apologize and move on. Don't talk about getting back together or how it used to be, just simply say your sorry for any wrongs and go from there.

It sounds to me like it was love rooted solely on emotions and or feelings. I've been there and more often then not I am still there. It's tough to discern love as it should be, emotions are a tool to enhance love, not the building block on witch it should be built. If it is solely emotional, every time you get mad about something you guys are going to bicker and say things out of anger and it will leave a lasting foot print. I'm not saying arguing isn't apart of a healthy relationship, but there is a line when degrading and lying start to get involved.

From reading everything in your post ask yourself, "If I came home one day and was unable to have any kind of physical contact with her, would she still love me?" It's pretty apparent that's about all she misses.

The fact that you guys are talking behind your current partners backs is also not cool. Already, what you guys are trying to build is built out of lies. Just because it feels right doesn't make it right.