Christian Forums

      I don't know what's going on with me, I have never been so lonely in my life since these past couple of years. The loneliness really hit me New Years Eve and I started to cry a couple minutes after midnight. I spent New Years alone in my room by myself. I felt like I was starting the new year all wrong feeling lonely and depressed. But for the past few months I got over it but now the loneliness is back.  I swear when I was younger I never felt this way because I was used to being alone and liked it. But I guess because I am a young adult 21 by the way that I don't want to be alone. I guess what I'm getting at is that I want boyfriend. But I don't want just anyone that comes along to feel the void in my life. I want someone that wants a committed relationship and really cares for me and  that likes and respects me as a person. Sure Ive had little trials of what you would call a relationship or dating but in the end they just wanting me for one thing. Ive been going through so much this past year that it would just be nice to have a friend to talk to that could console me and help take the pressure off. It's crazy because it's like what I want is so simple and I don;t ask for much, but I guess I don't deserve it and that's how I feel. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest lol, it was eating me up. Any feedback would be appreciated.

Aww, I know how you feel. I think we all go through times in our lives when we feel a little more lonely than usual.

Those are the times when I like to surround myself with friends and family. I think it helps.

Amy is pretty smart! It's good guidance. Sometimes God, family, and Friends is all you have. I started feeling this way upon turning 26. It's also the time I really started talking to God. Not just praying, but talking to him about everything good and bad. It's been two years now and I think I am closer to God as I have ever been.

Whoops... kind of forgot the whole God thing, lol.

I do that too - actually talk to God. He's actually that little guy in my head who I constantly talk to and then look up and realize someone else has been trying to talk to me.

Anyway, (sorry, that was off-topic) it's easy to get into a funk and feel like you're all alone. But God is always there when you need him (and when you don't). He's there whether it seems like it or not. Just talking to him can help you feel less lonely some times.

Quote from: Amy on Thu Apr 16, 2009 - 22:05:52
...that little guy in my head who I constantly talk to...

You may want to describe it differently when you're around your parents and teachers. 

Quote from: OneLung on Fri Apr 17, 2009 - 07:14:58

Quote from: Amy on Thu Apr 16, 2009 - 22:05:52
...that little guy in my head who I constantly talk to...

You may want to describe it differently when you're around your parents and teachers. 

Most definitely. I figured all of us on here were crazy enough to understand though. *wink*

A20,

Yup, we've all been there. And that "wanting us for one thing" is a drag ---but we have to deal with those kinds to find the other kind.  What I wanted to just say was there really are those out there that want a caring , nice partner and sure they want an attraction, too ---but they want friendship and fun and comradery ---really --- and personally, my belief system is  -if you believe it - it happens -----if you believe there is someone that is like you - there is.

Smiling and being "nice" makes you very approachable ---people love kindness ---you're a girl, right? 

My trick is bringing a Home Depot bag into a classy bar (lawyers, city councilmen) with some plumbing fixtures as my drink is coming ( You've just been shopping,  it works)  --I look at it all puzzled ---men swarm around you.       Works everytime.

That was for you, OneLung ---giving away my secrets.

Or you could be outside a classy bar - or if you're into mechanics that kind of bar and look good, but have your car hood up (has to be light outside).
It's like flies to honey.   

The law of averages ---you've got to meet someone nice - 1 out of 20.

Your sis,
:)Elaine

Elaine, you are a genius!!!! Why did I never think of these!!!  Bless ya! I may try one of those, see if I can bag myself a man!! 

Quote from: blackstyle on Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 18:00:22
Elaine, you are a genius!!!! Why did I never think of these!!!  Bless ya! I may try one of those, see if I can bag myself a man!! 

This should be something that every girl needs to hear.  Guys can be very very shy, especially if the girl doesn't seem approachable.  Go for the guy, he will love it!  I sometimes wish a girl would just ask me to the movies or something, but in a subtle way.

Hey Wolflet... um... I have a spare ticket to see a movie Sat nite, and well... um... I was wondering whether you'd like the extra ticket. It's already paid for... and.. uh... well, it will just be wasted if you don't use it, and I'm gonna be there anyway, so if you'd like to sit next to me when you get there, well I guess that would be kinda cool, but no pressure or anything... 

Quote from: blackstyle on Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 18:00:22
Elaine, you are a genius!!!! Why did I never think of these!!!  Bless ya! I may try one of those, see if I can bag myself a man!! 

Also, I have found this trick to work with very handsome or handsome and rich men ---be nice and all -especially be funny and witty - to gain their interest that you are fun and different and confidant about yourself ---BUT at the same time ---really truly don't care if you ever see them again.They smell the disinterest.

It's like a magnet.   They are sooo used to women throwing themselves at them.   

Example: Really the handsomest guy around ---said to me after many dates ---"I have a problem with commitment."     I said, "We're a perfect match. Because I don't care if I ever see you again."

He's like glue now.     He has some kind of Richard Gere look and charm -woman look at him like he's some celebrity or something..it's so cute to watch.  But I happen to know he's pathetic.


Also, funny thing --you know when I drew the most men??    Not in my BMW ---but in my "in between loaner car" -  a 1970 brown Maverick, 8 cyl, 'Grabber"!!!
All of a sudden I was like some bar waittress cowgirl waif  (CO) that men were not intimidated by.   It was WILD!!!

Yes, a friendly smile is such an invite to a shy nice guy.   :) A smile is the face one wants to kiss. And "he" wants that smile to be aimed at "him". He wants that love.
Let me know how things progress.   Confidance, girl -you've got what a guy wants --personality, wit, fun, love, sex appeal...

So I see we have totally strayed away from christian tenants.

Quote from: Archibald on Tue Apr 21, 2009 - 08:10:03
So I see we have totally strayed away from christian tenants.

I was thinking that Arhibald, so then I thought... how can I incorporate these strategies into a christian environment. So I thought, maybe I could have my car hood up outside a church that has a lot of eligible single men, but then I thought, as nice as the church people are, a whole load of married men would probably come to help. And then I thought I could go into church with a home depot bag and see what happens! But I hear where you're coming from!

Well that and if you hide who you really are your setting yourself up for failure. Unfounded expectations ruin relationships.

Quote from: blackstyle on Tue Apr 21, 2009 - 08:14:57

Quote from: Archibald on Tue Apr 21, 2009 - 08:10:03
So I see we have totally strayed away from christian tenants.

I was thinking that Arhibald, so then I thought... how can I incorporate these strategies into a christian environment. So I thought, maybe I could have my car hood up outside a church that has a lot of eligible single men, but then I thought, as nice as the church people are, a whole load of married men would probably come to help. And then I thought I could go into church with a home depot bag and see what happens! But I hear where you're coming from!

That's my girl.

Quote from: blackstyle on Mon Apr 20, 2009 - 19:41:43
Hey Wolflet... um... I have a spare ticket to see a movie Sat nite, and well... um... I was wondering whether you'd like the extra ticket. It's already paid for... and.. uh... well, it will just be wasted if you don't use it, and I'm gonna be there anyway, so if you'd like to sit next to me when you get there, well I guess that would be kinda cool, but no pressure or anything... 

OMG YOU READ MY MIND LIEK TOETALLY I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH YOU I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOVIE SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME!!!

lol

Great!! C ya there!! 

Lol, but I won't be there cause it wasn't subtle enough 

Something along those lines, but gradually get into it 

Anonymous, I know EXACTLY how you feel.  I've never had a real relationship, I've dated a few girls but it's never gone anywhere, and I'm tired of feeling alone.  I've tried hard to be the kind of guy a girl deserves; I try to be generous, to listen, to do things to let them know i care, but in the end it's always boiled down to one thing: they won't be my girlfriend if we don't have sex, and waiting till marriage is something I refuse to compromise on.  I always feel it's ironic that the guy not wanting to have sex is what causes the girl to not be interested....it's generally the other way around

I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm going through the same thing and I don't know how to change it.  I feel very lonely, and just when it seems like I might have met someone who could fill that void, the chance seems to vanish.  Praying is all I can suggest, it has helped me during my toughest times.  No matter how sad you feel, how lonely you feel, remember that there is always one person you can talk to and be totally open with, who will never lose interest in you, and love you no matter what.  Like you I often don't feel deserving of anyone's love, but Christ will love you whether you think yourself deserving or not, and for me that knowledge has been a source of strength for many years.  During my worst times I contemplated ending my life, but it was my faith in Christ that stopped me. 

Pray that he has a plan for you, maybe he's preparing for you to meet someone in particular, or maybe being single at this point in your life has opened up possibilities that you don't even realize, or stopped you from making other mistakes.  I know that despite how disappointed I felt over losing touch with a couple girls I've dated in the past, deep down I know that we were incompatible and God didn't want us to be together, because if I had I would have made mistakes.  Keep praying, and I'm sure that in time God will have you meet someone.  Just don't do what I did and fall in love with someone who lives on the other side of the planet, not smart! 

Quote from: Huscarl on Fri May 08, 2009 - 23:07:25
but in the end it's always boiled down to one thing: they won't be my girlfriend if we don't have sex, and waiting till marriage is something I refuse to compromise on.  I always feel it's ironic that the guy not wanting to have sex is what causes the girl to not be interested....it's generally the other way around

Well, my Brother, I sympathize with you!!!! I am now waiting to have sex until marriage, and it is very difficult for guys to get a hold on that.  I had one guy tell me "oh, you'll cave in two weeks" (stopped seeing him), had one guy tell me to "come over (anyways)" (jerk!), and one guy lose interest in me altogether.  My thoughts: Phooey on them!!!  I am counting on God to bring me someone really special who will appreciate me more than these guys who want to sleep with me, but are not all that interested or concerned about marriage.  Phooey on them!!! It is very frustrating in my search, however, so I definitely sympathize and understand what you are going through.  I hope God sends the right person into your path soon, and I pray that He will bring the right person into my path as well. 

I have tried internet dating (Christian internet dating) with very, very limited results.  I found one good friend on there, but he alas, has ulterior motives.  Ugh.  So, I have had to put the kay-bosh on our friendship for the most part, unfortunately, because he was a nice person.  Sigh. 

Anyways, good luck on your quest for a fellow Christian, and don't compromise...we should be equally yoked.  May the Lord richly bless you in all of your days,

Kristina

Quote from: kristinaf on Sun May 10, 2009 - 18:24:57

Quote from: Huscarl on Fri May 08, 2009 - 23:07:25
but in the end it's always boiled down to one thing: they won't be my girlfriend if we don't have sex, and waiting till marriage is something I refuse to compromise on.  I always feel it's ironic that the guy not wanting to have sex is what causes the girl to not be interested....it's generally the other way around

Well, my Brother, I sympathize with you!!!! I am now waiting to have sex until marriage, and it is very difficult for guys to get a hold on that.  I had one guy tell me "oh, you'll cave in two weeks" (stopped seeing him), had one guy tell me to "come over (anyways)" (jerk!), and one guy lose interest in me altogether.  My thoughts: Phooey on them!!!  I am counting on God to bring me someone really special who will appreciate me more than these guys who want to sleep with me, but are not all that interested or concerned about marriage.  Phooey on them!!! It is very frustrating in my search, however, so I definitely sympathize and understand what you are going through.  I hope God sends the right person into your path soon, and I pray that He will bring the right person into my path as well. 

I have tried internet dating (Christian internet dating) with very, very limited results.  I found one good friend on there, but he alas, has ulterior motives.  Ugh.  So, I have had to put the kay-bosh on our friendship for the most part, unfortunately, because he was a nice person.  Sigh. 

Anyways, good luck on your quest for a fellow Christian, and don't compromise...we should be equally yoked.  May the Lord richly bless you in all of your days,

Kristina

You are strong Kristina, keep it up!  God needs people like you in this world and I pray that He will send the right guy down your path soon!  Phooey on those losers that just want sex!!!

Quote from: Elaine on Sat Apr 18, 2009 - 20:03:20
A20,

Yup, we've all been there. And that "wanting us for one thing" is a drag ---but we have to deal with those kinds to find the other kind.  What I wanted to just say was there really are those out there that want a caring , nice partner and sure they want an attraction, too ---but they want friendship and fun and comradery ---really --- and personally, my belief system is  -if you believe it - it happens -----if you believe there is someone that is like you - there is.

Smiling and being "nice" makes you very approachable ---people love kindness ---you're a girl, right? 

My trick is bringing a Home Depot bag into a classy bar (lawyers, city councilmen) with some plumbing fixtures as my drink is coming ( You've just been shopping,  it works)  --I look at it all puzzled ---men swarm around you.       Works everytime.

That was for you, OneLung ---giving away my secrets.

Or you could be outside a classy bar - or if you're into mechanics that kind of bar and look good, but have your car hood up (has to be light outside).
It's like flies to honey.   

The law of averages ---you've got to meet someone nice - 1 out of 20.

Your sis,
:)Elaine

You're too much! 

   Anony, I understand how you feel .  It doesn`t matter if one is 18 or 81 lonely is lonely.  I`ve felt that way since I lost my wife last June.  Just keep praying!  Or,maybe i`ll get myself a home depot bag.

Quote from: walker starr on Mon Jun 08, 2009 - 20:56:33
   Anony, I understand how you feel .  It doesn`t matter if one is 18 or 81 lonely is lonely.  I`ve felt that way since I lost my wife last June.  Just keep praying!  Or,maybe i`ll get myself a home depot bag.

Sorry Walker
So, good to know you've kept your faith.

God Bless