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Back in college (19 years ago) I was seduced into a sexual encounter with a woman 12 years my senior.  At that time, somehow, the Holy Spirit was convicting me of that sin, even though I had never confessed Jesus as Lord of my life.  But anyway, I told her that I wanted out, but she got her way.  I was ignorant and made a terrible error in judgement by not standing up for what the Holy Spirit was convicting me to do.

As a result, I ended the relationship after a year of sexual activity with her.   But my heart was glued to her.  She never wanted to marry, so I never could go there with her.  I had to leave her.  Then began the long journey to where I am today.  The stress induced just from grieving her in my heart triggered an inherent case of bipolar and schizoaffective.  I experienced demonic dreams and really terrifying daytime experiences.  I got put on some medicine which caused diabetes.  By this time, I was alright mentally again, but still suffering loss from losing her.  I waited 13 years before I was free from her reign in my heart.  I finally gave my life to Jesus, and things were going well except that I was still hooked to lust.  I'm battling that lust still today in some big ways.

Then I started reading a book that told me that God was pleased to wire men to be attracted to women, and pro sex, but all in a marriage setting.  I think I knew that at 19 years old right before I got involved with this girl I mentioned earlier, but at 38 years now I feel as if I have ruined my chance.  I've come to a point where I want to warn others:  wait for God.  Don't devalue the marriage bed.  Don't ruin your life like I did.

Doug

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Thanks for your testimony Doug! We need to hear stories like this to remind us of the diving plan that God has for our lives!! And I do agree with Hehealedme! You're life is not over yet! God still has a great plan for you! Blessings!

Your responses are encouraging.   I guess to be honest I feel the Spirit's nudge to keep going in faith I'll meet someone in the future, it's just that there's so many problems right now.  Health, financial, emotional,...  it just adds up to be too much.  But it's taking a big leap of faith on my part to go on and face the next day with hope.  I know my God is big enough to handle everything.  What I regret is that I've lost the happy days of youth.  I never had them.

I think what I'm going to do is focus my attention on the promises of God.  Easy to say, sometimes hard to do.  But I need to stay positive and stay in reality, something hard for us people with a bipolar disorder especially.

Doug

Rather than trying to find someone, just focus on being excellent, and let them find you.

Thanks for sharing, your honesty is really refreshing.  Ungodly soul ties can be really harmful things.

Doug
yes it is true that that lady acted very badly and irresponsibilibly and sinfully taking advantage of a young man the way that she did, but dont allow what she did to steal the rest of your life.
God is the God of new beginnings and fresh starts. Both my husband and I have been deeply hurt by our ex spouses after long first marriages, but God has given us a wondeful new start and marriage. We met when we were both in our late 40's and have now been together for 4 years. Our marriage is so good and neither of us ever thought we could be so happy with someone else.

God has good plans for all of our children, and he restores to us all that we have had taken from us AND MORE.Try to look forward and not back. I know a family where the kids we all abused by their father and had most of their childhood was stolen from them but now God is at last working in them and two of them are Christians and God is doing amazing things in them in amazing ways. One may be heading for full time ministry. It has taken a long time but trust God and He will come  through.