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Okay, us guys have played fair by answering Fem's topic as to what we want in a wife.  Now, women, I believe it is YOUR time to open up   

What do you want in a husband physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.

well I am actually married (second marriage) to a good man and here are some the things I wanted in a husband.(and got)
godly, honest, patient, good sense of humour, high moral standards, someone who I can respect, kind, laid back and caring.

wow, I second the above.

Physically. I don't care. (I'm reallllllly hoping that God will give me someone that I swoon over though.) The thing is when you love someone you think they're gorgeous anyway so it doesn't really matter. (In fact that can start happening when you like someone, let alone love them.)

Mentally. Someone roughly on the same level.

Spiritually. As above.

etc. anything else a bonus.


Like most people, ultimatly I think I just want to be happy  with a best friend to do life with and love. If you're at the same level spiritually then I think everything else is ultimatly going to be sweet because you can work through it.

Quote from: chosenone on Thu Sep 03, 2009 - 16:26:09
well I am actually married (second marriage) to a good man and here are some the things I wanted in a husband.(and got)
godly, honest, patient, good sense of humour, high moral standards, someone who I can respect, kind, laid back and caring.

All of the above and a non-smoker, non-alcoholic, employed and mostly have dealt with his childhood crap or baggage so he doesn't act it all out on ME...thus, meaning integrated, mature and whole, acting like an adult.
(Doesn't pout, whine, isn't overly ridiculously sensitive, doesn't take everything personally ---that's being a mature adult.)
Has to love animals and be compassionate and care about others more than himself. (So not lazy.)

And not an atheist like the guy I see.

Has to be clean and always smell yummy.
Expresses his thoughts and feelings  -not harboring things till they build up.

Loves me more than his family and friends - and gives me "enough" attention without smothering me or being needy.

Great smile and beams it at me alot.

I could think of more with more time.

They want a 49 year old fabulously handsome white guy who works in a zoo. 

Quote from: zoonance on Sat Sep 05, 2009 - 13:14:31
They want a 49 year old fabulously handsome white guy who works in a zoo. 

Unless he's way over sexed...which is always the case with those handsome guys taking care of animals all day.
How's the finger?

My thumb is doing fine.  thanks for asking!  It still feels a bit numb on the end but otherwise I can still hitch a ride.

Wow, great responses girls!  That really gives me more confidence; the fact that women focus more on spiritual stuff and feelings more than looks or whatever.  That makes me feel great because my mom constantly tells me that I am all of those plus things. 

Yesult, I believe that God will provide us with a wonderful person and that He will fit your physical wants/needs in a person.  He will not send somebody your way if they are, in your opinion, not very charming/handsome.  Besides that, people can change their looks.  I used to be the ugliest kid in Jr. High, but now I'm hot in high school 

Quote from: wolflet7 on Sat Sep 05, 2009 - 20:16:39Wow, great responses girls!  That really gives me more confidence; the fact that women focus more on spiritual stuff and feelings more than looks or whatever.  That makes me feel great because my mom constantly tells me that I am all of those plus things. 

Yesult, I believe that God will provide us with a wonderful person and that He will fit your physical wants/needs in a person.  He will not send somebody your way if they are, in your opinion, not very charming/handsome.  Besides that, people can change their looks.  I used to be the ugliest kid in Jr. High, but now I'm hot in high school 

Thanks    Yeah I think so too. Overall it is nice to be attracted to your future partner but at the end of the day, if they're really spunky but quite self-absorbed or domineering I think the gloss would wear off pretty quickly. God is good and more then capable of exceeding our ideas though. Looks are icing on the cake but the cake has to be the main feature. Glad to hear you're making a mark in your school

What an inexperienced young girl wants in a husband may not have anything to do with the same list of qualities she might write after she's got some years on her.

Sometimes it sounds like women want a man who acts like a woman.

Perhaps for ease of communication.  The best thing, though, would be to find a man who still walks and talks and quacks like a man, but who can make himself understood and can understand a woman's POV.

Skilled communication is definitely not a "female" thing, but more women may come pre-wired with much of the skill set needed.

Quote from: janine on Mon Sep 07, 2009 - 06:45:17
Perhaps for ease of communication.  The best thing, though, would be to find a man who still walks and talks and quacks like a man, but who can make himself understood and can understand a woman's POV.

Skilled communication is definitely not a "female" thing, but more women may come pre-wired with much of the skill set needed.

Hah! There is more to communication than just talking.

Ok...I'm running for cover now....

Quote from: Richard on Mon Sep 07, 2009 - 07:27:04

Quote from: janine on Mon Sep 07, 2009 - 06:45:17
Perhaps for ease of communication.  The best thing, though, would be to find a man who still walks and talks and quacks like a man, but who can make himself understood and can understand a woman's POV.

Skilled communication is definitely not a "female" thing, but more women may come pre-wired with much of the skill set needed.

Hah! There is more to communication than just talking.

Ok...I'm running for cover now....

I forgot commnication --that is key!   That is precisely why I'm single now ----all the breakups had to do with them not communicating.  This is key in friendships, also, of course. (I am a communicator, big time!! Begging them sometimes to TALK to me!!)

One key is, at a minimum, to be able  to communicate enough of what you're feeling or thinking when your thoughts are turning "bad" ---thinking she doesn't love me enough, doesn't pay enough attention to me...instead of keeping it to yourself and then having resentments and a scoresheet starting -----so when you finally DO say something ----your mind and heart are already shut down. Or you come off so angry there is no dialogue. Just a wall and finger pointing.

Richard, no reason to hide, pray-tell, ---whatcha mean?  Buying gifts?
Washing the dishes? Taking her to dinner?  Giving a hug? Telling her she looks great this morning?

All that can break the ice, but doesn't compare to real communication of thoughts and feelings, ie., about plans unfulfilled, expectations not happening, hurts that have been building and will continue if not brought to the light.

So besides talking what did you mean, Richard?  Anything to help us all get along better, don't keep a secret?    Or were you just joking around? Which is ok.

Thanks,
:)Elaine

You all are definitely asking for a woman with a man part now.

Gary,
What's a man "like" then. In your opinion?
:)Elaine

Quote from: Gary on Mon Sep 07, 2009 - 10:21:28
You all are definitely asking for a woman with a man part now.

That was excellent, Gary.   That'll have me laughing for a long time . . .

I see women disappointed or excited by a man when it looks like the man can take her along with what he's doing, into something exciting. For instance, she likes his career, likes his faith, his goals, and so on, and wants to be part of it. And I see disappointment when she doesn't approve of what that is, and sometimes she ends up trying to change what it is the man is going after (you don't REALLY like the career you're going after, do you? You want to do more than that?). Things of that nature tend to be what causes a woman to be happy to be around or bored and want to take off.

But yeah, these days the poor guy has to be pretty much everything . . . (these days so does she, I guess, but my sources/statistics say that men aren't quite as finicky).

Quote from: Gary on Mon Sep 07, 2009 - 10:21:28
You all are definitely asking for a woman with a man part now.

No, all that's been asked for is a man who doesn't expect women to mold themselves to his gender viewpoint because he's the 'most important', but to meet his wife partway. That takes effort.

Wolflet...do exactly the OPPOSITE of everything the women in this thread say...and you'll have to beat the women off with a stick.



Better increase my count of days earned in purgatory after that...

Have to beat them off with a stick?

Hah.

Only because they'll be approaching with sticks to beat him.

YEah...beat them off with a stick...a really big one.

You see...many of us guys age poorly. They get beer bellies and tied up with their careers or are such sick pups that nobody wants to be near them.

So...when you hit the forty something mark...you ain't gotta chase a woman one...they come chasing after you...and with a vengance. So...actually if you are a normal guy with out any major hang ups like alcoholism or huge piercings and tattoos all over your body..can actually hold your end of a conversation...

You will be surrounded by pretty and financially successful women...all vieing for your attention. Cause there ain't many of us guys out there that are dedicated Christian, mature, and healthy (physically and emotionally) out in the world. We are the minority. And if any of them decide that we didn't put the spoon on their breakfast tray when we brought them breakfast in bead so we are evil monsters who are only self centered egotists...you can say, "SEE YA" and not think a thing of it. There will be another one right behind her ready to take her place on the sheets soon enough.

Just a fact of life.

BUT...if I were you. Avoid the Charismatic churchs. The women in them wear dresses and skirts for a reason. (they fly up as they jump into your lap)...and that sort of thing isn't good for anybody.

Quote from: JohnDB on Thu Sep 10, 2009 - 07:00:26
YEah...beat them off with a stick...a really big one.

You see...many of us guys age poorly. They get beer bellies and tied up with their careers or are such sick pups that nobody wants to be near them.

So...when you hit the forty something mark...you ain't gotta chase a woman one...they come chasing after you...and with a vengance. So...actually if you are a normal guy with out any major hang ups like alcoholism or huge piercings and tattoos all over your body..can actually hold your end of a conversation...

You will be surrounded by pretty and financially successful women...all vieing for your attention. Cause there ain't many of us guys out there that are dedicated Christian, mature, and healthy (physically and emotionally) out in the world. We are the minority. And if any of them decide that we didn't put the spoon on their breakfast tray when we brought them breakfast in bead so we are evil monsters who are only self centered egotists...you can say, "SEE YA" and not think a thing of it. There will be another one right behind her ready to take her place on the sheets soon enough.

Just a fact of life.

BUT...if I were you. Avoid the Charismatic churchs. The women in them wear dresses and skirts for a reason. (they fly up as they jump into your lap)...and that sort of thing isn't good for anybody.

yes john I know what you mean. When I was divorced in my mid 40's, It wasn't even a question of not having MANY men to chose from, it was a question of NO men to chose from. not a one in sight anywhere. not a single available Christian guy in my church (which was a reasonable sized church.) nor anywere else I knew of (of around my age).
HOWEVER God said to me one day in church "don't settle for second best" and about two years later after being on a Christian dating site for 2 years he bought along my knight in shining armour, who is THE BEST. SO it can be done with Gods amazing help.I do have my pride though and would never have settled for anyone who wasn't right for me, or godly, or honest or kind etc etc etc.I wanted to marry again but I wasn't THAT desperate.


I always think that is why Christian men marry a lot sooner than women after a divorce or their wife has died, cos they have 3 or 4 women for each of them. This gets more so as we age.  We have about a dozen or so middle aged divorced women in our church who are single and no men in this position as far as I know.

What is this about women in Charismatic churches and skirts and dresses? I go to a Charismatic church and I nearly always wear trousers.

When I visited several charismatic churchs (cause they had a singles group) I found myself very quickly becoming "the hat that was being passed"

I didn't like the position so I would leave. It became a common thing in each and every charismatic church with a singles group. Even some of the other denominations had a similar thing but it wasn't near as prevalant as in the Charismatic churchs that I visited. When you are our age...it doesn't take very long to figure out what others are about...and that sort of thing isn't what I am about.

Don't get me wrong...I like sex. I just don't like sex with strangers. For some reason women think all of us guys will love them if we have sex with them or we will owe them a relationship if we have sex with them. That flat out isn't true...and many of them know it but still continue on with the behavior. Sure they will feel guilty about it next sunday...but...dang.

Yeah sure looks are somewhat important. Being wider than you are tall is always a negative thing on everyone's mind.  But ain't many of us all that trim so some slack can be cut. (OK...So I am trim and somewhat muscular...I work construction) But that never stopped me from dating a woman that was a little overweight.

Kids are always a something to look at too. I knew one woman...rather nice and kind (wanted a romance with me something fierce) but she had a nightmare for children (one grown and one still in gradeschool) One was a jailbird and the other a holy terror.  She also had all kinds of debt out there...huge insurmountable sums to ever pay off. There was no way I was ever going to get myself involved with her. Too many other nice and attractive ladies to spend my time with in that sort of fashion. She was fun...but no majic whatsoever. She got really mad at me when I got married too...(I did well to stay far away from her)
Some women want a guy to rescue them...I wanted one willing to start working even harder than she currently was.  

Quote
I always think that is why Christian men marry a lot sooner than women after a divorce or their wife has died, ....

Chosenone,

Now that could be another topic!!   LOL

I have my own opinions why men marry sooner than women....and I'm not talking about sex, either.

:)Elaine

Women now want very different things in a relationship than our mothers or grandmothers wanted.  Back then, there was a financial component and necessity for women to get married.  Now women can have much higher standards; not because we are finicky but because we have more options and we don't have to get married if we don't meet the right one. 

I am fortunate to have found a very good man, but I spent many years working on my own goals and not looking for a relationship just for the sake of having one.  My husband happens to be much younger than I am, but more mature and wise than most men my age.  His good looks are just a bonus!   

We respect each other and are not attached at the hip.  After six years together, we still sometimes stay up all night just talking about events or beliefs.  We are each other's best friend, but not at the exclusion of having other friends. He gives me my space when I need it and I do the same for him. We enjoy each others company, maybe because we don't demand it every possible second we are under the same roof, but we do make time for each other and then have things to catch up on.

My best advice for men is to be yourself and wait until you find a woman compatible with that.  If you are selfish, untrustworthy or piggish, that woman may never come along. If she accepts those traits in a man, she may have her own baggage as well.  If you are trying to be as healthy as possible (spiritually, psychologically, physically) and be the best person you can be to your fellow man (and woman); others will recognize that and be drawn to you.

 

For both men and women, do they look for a bit of themselves in others?

Quote from: JohnDB on Thu Sep 10, 2009 - 08:17:43
Some women want a guy to rescue them...

I call this "White Knight Syndrome."

Quote from: Wycliffes_Shillelagh on Fri Oct 02, 2009 - 15:58:23

Quote from: JohnDB on Thu Sep 10, 2009 - 08:17:43
Some women want a guy to rescue them...

I call this "White Knight Syndrome."

Do ya?    I call it "Delusional".

Quote from: Isabell Island on Thu Oct 01, 2009 - 23:38:32
Women now want very different things in a relationship than our mothers or grandmothers wanted.  Back then, there was a financial component and necessity for women to get married.  Now women can have much higher standards; not because we are finicky but because we have more options and we don't have to get married if we don't meet the right one.  

I am fortunate to have found a very good man, but I spent many years working on my own goals and not looking for a relationship just for the sake of having one.  My husband happens to be much younger than I am, but more mature and wise than most men my age.  His good looks are just a bonus!    

We respect each other and are not attached at the hip.  After six years together, we still sometimes stay up all night just talking about events or beliefs.  We are each other's best friend, but not at the exclusion of having other friends. He gives me my space when I need it and I do the same for him. We enjoy each others company, maybe because we don't demand it every possible second we are under the same roof, but we do make time for each other and then have things to catch up on.

Does he have a brother?