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I filed for divorce. Then I changed my mind (more details on another thread). My wife doesn't want to reconcile. Is it OK for me to ask our 11 year old daughter to pray for the healing of our marriage and the reunification of our family?
Brian

I think you should teach your daughter to pray for God's will to be done.  You are setting her up for disappointment if you ask her to pray for something specific and then it doesn't happen.  I spent a good amount of my childhood praying for God to do specific things and they didn't happen.  In my childlike mind I was really hurt and felt like I didn't pray right or did something wrong for God not to answer my prayers. 

There is also a really fine line between involving your daughter in this for the right reasons and involving her to influence your wife...  Kids are almost always better off being left out of divorce/marriage situations.

Quote from: jjthewife on Fri Sep 18, 2009 - 09:58:18
There is also a really fine line between involving your daughter in this for the right reasons and involving her to influence your wife...  Kids are almost always better off being left out of divorce/marriage situations.

Yes, that is the crux of this question. I can't see how God would want our family to be apart. After all, God hates divorce, doesn't he? I think he made that clear in the Bible. So praying for that would seem safe. But I don't know...

Yeah... I'm not an expert about God or prayer; I actually struggle a good amount.  But I am divorced and remarried and I have seen the damage that involving kids can do (my husband's kids are a mess because of it).  I can see the value in talking with your daughter about God's view of divorce, sharing how you are praying, and even talking with her about your own mistakes.  But... asking/telling her how to pray could be taken several wrong ways.

Quote from: jjthewife on Fri Sep 18, 2009 - 13:06:25
Yeah... I'm not an expert about God or prayer; I actually struggle a good amount.  But I am divorced and remarried and I have seen the damage that involving kids can do (my husband's kids are a mess because of it).  I can see the value in talking with your daughter about God's view of divorce, sharing how you are praying, and even talking with her about your own mistakes.  But... asking/telling her how to pray could be taken several wrong ways.

Good points. How do you know his kids are messed up as a result of this? Could it be mostly just the divorce itself?

No.

An eleven year old may well suspect that it is her job to get you back together.

It isn't.

QuoteGood points. How do you know his kids are messed up as a result of this? Could it be mostly just the divorce itself?

Oh no.  They have seen multiple therapists and the primary reason his kids (actually teenagers) are messed up is because their mother involved them in every bit of the divorce, the court proceedings, and has continued to do it for years after the divorce.  Divorce does hurt kids no matter how amicable it is, but when you start to involve them in the actual marriage/family survival and/or break-up it becomes more than they can handle.

Makes sense.

Yes my kids were actually HEALED to a large extent through my divorce and remarriage. It has changed their lives and they have a step dad who loves them and they like him so much. Divorce isnt always the bad option, it can change lives for the better and bring healing, and can get people out of horrible situations.

As for this question..NO NO NO. Dont get a young child involved like this,it is selfish.If you divorce she may blame God, when it isnt his fault AT ALL Terrible idea.Are you maybe hoping that your daughter can put pressure on her mum if you ask her to pray?That is what it sounds like.
If her mum doesnt want a reconciliation (which is quite understand able in the circumstances) that is her decision and you need to keep your daughter out of it. By the way does your daughter know why you are getting divorced and whose idea it was etc?