Christian Forums

Hi, I'm new here, and this is my first post. I just didn't know where else to turn. I'm a Christian and have been for a while. I'm 23, if that helps w/advice. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for 5 years before we broke up about 6 months ago. We had lots of issues. He wanted to get married after about 3 years. I thought we were too young and certainly wasn't ready. We would also argue about lots of things I "wasn't doing for him." A few of these things were like: not going out of my way enough for him, not saying I love you enough, etc etc. He pushed me a lot to do intimate things that I didn't want to do. He was very persistent. We never had sex but did almost everything else. He is a Christian too, for the record. After that, the relationship was strained, obviously. After our 4th year, I decided to move away to school because I'd prayed about it and felt God calling me to go. So I went. It was confirmed to me multiple times that I went at the right time. This comforted me, but he wasn't convinced. He held it against me for the first year of school. He thought I should have waited even though I knew you shouldn't wait when God told you to do something. He still wanted to get married and he knew that I still wasn't ready. This frustrated him. I was talking with some friends and they asked me if he made me be a better person. After some thought I realized he didn't and that things weren't working out and I didn't need that in my life. I broke up with him.

There were lots of doubts for months. I met a guy who I really like, but I'm having a hard time getting too close to him. I feel that I've kept my heart guarded because he's going to move back to his hometown when we graduate. (possibly) And I don't want another broken heart. He could possibly move closer to me after a bit, but it's not for certain. Anyway, my ex just recently started dating a girl I was close friends w/in my childhood. She's a wonderful person, and I feel that she's too good for him and he doesn't deserve her. His friends all say they're both very happy, but I know he's going to end up hurting her. I can't help but be emotional about it. I don't feel like I'm really over him, and I want to be. I've prayed and prayed and asked God to heal my heart and help me move on, but I just don't feel any better. I try not to think about it, but I dream about him. I feel bad for the guy I'm with. He knows my situation, but he's completely putting himself out there. I need some advice! Anything! Please!

Time heals a multitude of wounds. That might sound trite but although it can't heal everything, it can make a big difference to some situations. Also you need to repent (if you haven't already) from all the physical stuff you did with him. God designed all that to be for your husband and your husband alone. Getting physical with someone can create soul ties that can bind you much deeper to them emotionally then otherwise.

Also pray that your friends eyes will be opened to see this guy for what he really is.


(Also don't forget to forgive yourself for all your mistakes and sin in the whole thing, that can make a big difference too.)



And finally go to God and ask him how to deal with this whole thing. He'll have the fastest journey to healing and can lead you through it.

One thing that helped me in a similar situation was to spend a ton of time with my friends. Go to movies. Play putt-putt golf. Go to the mall. Take a road trip. Develop other relationships (not necessarily romantic ones). Not only will this give you some emotional break, but it will help you get on with your life. Even if the two of you get back together, focusing elsewhere right now will help you I think.

 Anytime someone tells you, all about where you fall short run. Why did he never see anything as his issue, where he could improve?

I've seen these problems all the time from Christian counseling.  People get stuck in a rut.  You need to widen your options and expand your circle of friends.  The diligent woman has many opportunities with many men.  It's a bigger world than that.  Visit some other churches, find a civic activity to be involved with and pick a cause that is favorable to men.  Hold your chin up and put your best foot forward.  Not because you'll meet a guy, but because you owe it to yourself and your creator to do your best.

-Tracy Love

Thanks for all the wonderful advice. I'm taking note of all of it :)