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About three years ago I was cleaning my husbands closet out and picked up an old pair of work boots that he kept in the back for a back-up pair and a condom fell out. When I asked him about it he said it was from a trip he'd taken to NY to watch a football game with his friends and he must have forgotten to throw it away. That trip was a year or so before and when he came home and I was doing his dirty laundry a condom fell out of his hoody. He said that the guys had bought a box as a joke to tease on guy in particular. That they put them on his doorknob, shaving cream, etc. My husband said that since it was his idea that the guy the pranked decided to get him back by putting several in my husband's suitcase. He said he thought he'd found them all and trashed them before he got home.

I thought his football prank story sounded more like what middle schoolers would do than guys in their late 30's and early 40's. I decided to let it go at that. I also decided to let the story about the condom in the boot go since it had been so long and I couldn't remember if he'd taken that pair with him or not or if it was even the same type of condom's.

We have been together for 18 years (married for 16) and we have never used condoms. That is until recently. About four months ago while we were in the middle of being intimate he stopped and said "wait I've got a condom in the truck, let me go get it". I flipped!!!!

I asked him what the heck he had one in his truck for and the man actually stammered. He finally said for us to use. I sat there in awe as he returned with one ordinary condom. Not a pack and nothing "special" (in it was intended to spice things up). I asked him where the rest of the pack was and he said there was only one. Needless to say the next day I was compelled to look in the truck. I found a pack of condoms tucked in behind the some other items in the door.

It took me a couple of weeks to get my nerve up and to find the right time to ask him about this. When I did he said I was crazy, that there was only the one. Shortly after that he came home with like a box of 40 and has insisted on us using one every time since.

He knows where I'm at every second of the day so he can't be thinking that I'm cheating and he's being safe. Does this behavior absolutely mean that he is cheating?

Why does he want to use them now? Do you have kids? I admit, it sounds odd, but I'm not sure why he would want to offer to use a condom unless maybe he thought you might want him to for some reason? Perhaps if you've been using birth control, was he saying in his own way that he'd like to take responsibilty?

I'm on the birth control pill (mainly just to regulate hormones) even if he was worried about conception. I'm 39 and he's 40 and we have two (adoptive) children. We don't have any plans for another child. We wouldn't be opposed though. We have been married for 16 years and never, never used them. Now there's this recent insistance and the few random ones I found over the past couple of years. I've told him they make me feel like a cheap girl.

Have you asked why he wants to start using them? all of a sudden?

He said it's because it burns when he urinates. He went to the doctor and had a urinary tract infection. That's been a while bakc and he still insists on using them because he doesn't want to get another uti. It makes no sense to me, that's not how men get uti's.

No it doesnt make sense to me either.
While I obviously dont know the truth, it sounds very suspicious sadly. If he did buy them for your use why did he keep them in the car? The only reason that I can think of for him suddenly using them with you, is because he thinks that he may catch something from someone else and doesnt want to pass it to you. In fact did he already catch something and that is why he is suddenly using them?.Did he have a urinary tract infection or was it something else?
His stories dont add up a all. you know that he has lied to you about only having one in the car when there were a box of them. Why would he need to keep a box of condoms in the car anywaY, unless he is using them with someone else?

Sorry to say this, but if he were my husband I would want to sit him down and get to the truth of this.  I dont know if either of you are Christians but if you are then ask God to reaveal the truth to you. A lady I know did this when she suspected that her husband was cheating, and within a week she had her proof. If he is a christisn then why not go and see your pastor together and talk this out.
If he is a Christian then I think he needs to find new friends, The ones hes got sound dangerous and immature.

I would suggest that you go to your doctors asap and get tested for STD'S

I am so sorry, I hope that I am wrong but it doesnt look good.

Someday

After my reply I noticed that you have started another thread about your husband staying out till 3am twice a week, Well that really just confirms what I thought. I think it is highly likely that he is cheating. Otherwise what is he doing till 3am after the shop closes at 12pm?He is acting like a young teenager and not like an older married man. Could you go along there one evening to see what is going on?Do you know if local women hang out there?
if he is a Christian he seriously needs to be challenged by your pastor.

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck; most likely it is a duck.

Quote from: someday. on Thu Feb 11, 2010 - 16:22:48Shortly after that he came home with like a box of 40 and has insisted on us using one every time since.

I guarantee you if my wife came home with a box of condoms and started insisting on me using them I'd be seeing a great big red flag.

Your husband's "urinary tract infection" might be gonorrhea.  Back in my pre-Christian (and single, stupid) days I caught it from a prostitute.  It took a total of 10 shots of pennicillin in the buttocks, one in the morning and one in the evening for five days to kill it.  Now that AIDS is so rampant and it can kill you and there is no cure, I'd be calling his doctor and yours also ASAP and tell him no more sex until the results are back.

Ben

   A boot seems a silly unsanitary place to hide a condom.

two things:

1) he's a liar and deceiver.  He is in sin, yet wants to protect you from what he is coming into contact with.  That's part of the perversion that he is captivated by.

2) he's become so accustomed to condoms, he finds it far less stimulating not to have their pressure, to the point that he's finding it harder to orgasm with you, and needs to have them for this and to keep you from asking why he can't when he comes to that inevitable stage.

Which goes hand-in-glove with doing fantasy things with others, so that you are no longer giving him enough stimulant, and it will start to rear it's ugly head soon enough.

You've already talked to him.  He's shown his hypocrisy and bad heart in his replies.  Do the next thing and find a GODLY man and together confront your husband, with the godly man doing it: you're just there as the spouse observing and participating as requested and when requested.

One step at a time.  Time for the next step.

Listen to Ben.  I recommend that you do exactly as he has said.

God Bless!

Quote from: Ben on Sat Feb 13, 2010 - 08:28:34
Your husband's "urinary tract infection" might be gonorrhea.  Back in my pre-Christian (and single, stupid) days I caught it from a prostitute.  It took a total of 10 shots of pennicillin in the buttocks, one in the morning and one in the evening for five days to kill it.  Now that AIDS is so rampant and it can kill you and there is no cure, I'd be calling his doctor and yours also ASAP and tell him no more sex until the results are back.

Ben

This was exactly what I thought too when I read your post.

Quote from: Ben on Sat Feb 13, 2010 - 08:28:34
Your husband's "urinary tract infection" might be gonorrhea.  Back in my pre-Christian (and single, stupid) days I caught it from a prostitute.  It took a total of 10 shots of pennicillin in the buttocks, one in the morning and one in the evening for five days to kill it.  Now that AIDS is so rampant and it can kill you and there is no cure, I'd be calling his doctor and yours also ASAP and tell him no more sex until the results are back.

Ben

Calling HIS doctor is a waste of time since, by law the doctor cannot reveal any medical information about her husband to her.

He probably hasn't, but if he has signed papers giving them (the Drs.) the right to discuss his medical issues with you, you could call the Dr.  We both have signed this paper. After 33 years of marriage I handle more of my husbands stuff than he does.