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I just got hit with a restraining order from someone I have never spoken with or met.  Yes.......you read it correctly.  Here is the shortened story.......

     I met this girl on a CHRISTIAN forum, we emailed back and forth about 12 times over a 3 week period and would IM till sometimes midnight.  Anyway, in my last email, I was giving her a hard time about how after 3 weeks I didn't know how to contact her, as she refused to give me her email or phone number.  So...........today I'm sitting here and the phone rings..........I see the area code & am like....."Sweet she's finally calling me".  I pick it up and its the police dept where she lives, telling me not to contact her.  Then they conclude with, "G sir, you seem like a really honest and normal guy."  Thats when I said, "Umm...........I am".  "Why did she file a restraining order" and the detective said, "If she requests one, we have to oblige".  I was like...............Jeepers Creepers!!  THATS a little unfair.  The detective says, "Sir as long as you don't contact her, nothing will come of it and you'll be fine".  I was like.............."Umm..........okey dokey".  Totally dumbfounded.......speechless etc etc.

Granted, I AM from Seattle and she probably thinks I'm in with the Ted Bundys and Green River Killer group but umm.............I'm not.  What do you guys make of this???

I think she's nuts...and I think she did you a big favor.  You will be much better off not contacting her, restrainer order or no.

Trust me, I've dated some crazies in the past.  The best thing to do is make a clean break.

Bond

Quote from: BondServant on Thu Apr 29, 2010 - 21:18:13
I think she's nuts...and I think she did you a big favor.  You will be much better off not contacting her, restrainer order or no.

Trust me, I've dated some crazies in the past.  The best thing to do is make a clean break.

Bond

It just blows my mind that you can put a RO on someone without even meeting them or having verbal contact of any kind.  I mean.......I even had the detective saying they get around 70 per day and he feels that its the WOMAN overreacting 80% of the time.  He's telling me this on the phone and we're laughing together.......no joke.

I should clarify.......the only way I was emailing her was through the dating site.  She wouldn't give me a personal email so I set up a hushmail account just so I could send her pics of me & my son.  What is this world coming to when christians don't trust fellow christians??  Still speechless.

     

   A thought just occured.  777 are you sure it was really police that called you and not
   Just one of her male friends?  I think the real police would have paid you a personal visit.

christians don't trust fellow christians    they've burnt each other at the stake in the past don't forget. and why do you think so many churchs have insurance and take such care regarding sunday school security these days?

i had a friend who was molested by a man in her church as a child, every time her mother dropped her off to sunday school.

'christians' can be made up of all different types and talk is cheap. particularly on dating sites.

(I knew of another two ladies in a church I went to who married their internet 'christian' loves. Both marriages lasted less then a year because the men turned out to be porn addicts, alcoholics and one, physically abusive.)

I might add that I also had another prayer partner who was molested by her pastor as a teenager. He got 4/5 other girls before they caught him and put him in prison.

TRUST christians??  Just like normal people. It depends who they are.



(And not coming down on you, sounds like serious over reaction to me too -  but that being said, many christian women reach out to God because of brokenness, and guess where a lot of that brokenness comes from...........)    

Wow that is bizarre, but there are some nutters out there. Talk about an over reaction.
Having said that I met some really great people on Christian dating sites (including my husband) so there are good and bad there, just as there are in real life.

Quote from: walker starr on Thu Apr 29, 2010 - 22:37:10

     

   A thought just occured.  777 are you sure it was really police that called you and not
   Just one of her male friends?  I think the real police would have paid you a personal visit.

Yes.......it was def the police........he gave me his full name, police dept #, the whole shabang.  He said it was a "no contact order" (restraining order).  He said anyone can put a RO on anyone as long as they have their first & last name & address.  I just feel violated by a woman I have never met........never spoken with.  Ca........RAZY!!!

I get the feeling that 95% of these "christian women" are on these sites to chat......I don't think they have the intentions of EVER physically meeting someone.  If they aren't willing to meet in person, why are they on the site to begin with???  Check this out.......I told this girl, if it would make her feel more comfortable, I would take her dad & sister out to lunch too (4 OF US TOGETHER)..............she refused.  lol    Its like......sheesh!! what more can I do?  No offense to women on this site but umm.......not every guy in the world is a psychopathic serial killer.

Quote from: 777 on Fri Apr 30, 2010 - 08:30:40

Quote from: walker starr on Thu Apr 29, 2010 - 22:37:10

     

   A thought just occured.  777 are you sure it was really police that called you and not
   Just one of her male friends?  I think the real police would have paid you a personal visit.

Yes.......it was def the police........he gave me his full name, police dept #, the whole shabang.  He said it was a "no contact order" (restraining order).  He said anyone can put a RO on anyone as long as they have their first & last name & address.  I just feel violated by a woman I have never met........never spoken with.  Ca........RAZY!!!

I get the feeling that 95% of these "christian women" are on these sites to chat......I don't think they have the intentions of EVER physically meeting someone.  If they aren't willing to meet in person, why are they on the site to begin with???  Check this out.......I told this girl, if it would make her feel more comfortable, I would take her dad & sister out to lunch too (4 OF US TOGETHER)..............she refused.  lol    Its like......sheesh!! what more can I do?  No offense to women on this site but umm.......not every guy in the world is a psychopathic serial killer.

From this Axe Murderer to you the Psycopathic Serial Killer...

I wonder where we get the time to hide the bodies eh?

OK...so you got a restraining order...

don't let that stop you...but I would leave the site with a note sent to the mods as to why you find yourself now at a disadvantage at that site...go to another. see if you get another restraining order there.


Wacko women seem to be ruling the day here in this world...sure we gave them the right to vote but now we got to live with the consequences of that decision. 


Some women just love being "victims" even when you ain't a perp...consider yourself lucky and with a clean break...you escaped with no damage done. What if the relationship had progressed further?
You would be in serious trouble now.

Oh my...the whole thing does sound crazy. Maybe she read something into your emails that you didn't mean to sound the way she took it. I dunno!!!!

Its kind of like that Brad Paisley song where he talks about being so much cooler online. He grows 6 inches and loses a lot of weight everytime he logs in. You cannot possibly really get to know someone through emails or chat rooms. My brother met his wife online. And Choseone met her husband online. It can work, but more times than not it seems like people "create themselves" when they don't have real contact. Maybe she was lying to you about a lot of things and when you wanted to really meet her she realized you would see the truth. Who knows!!!!

So count your blessings! She could have even been a HE!!!!! lol

God Bless!

Quote from: marie69 on Fri Apr 30, 2010 - 10:42:54
Oh my...the whole thing does sound crazy. Maybe she read something into your emails that you didn't mean to sound the way she took it. I dunno!!!!

Its kind of like that Brad Paisley song where he talks about being so much cooler online. He grows 6 inches and loses a lot of weight everytime he logs in. You cannot possibly really get to know someone through emails or chat rooms. My brother met his wife online. And Choseone met her husband online. It can work, but more times than not it seems like people "create themselves" when they don't have real contact. Maybe she was lying to you about a lot of things and when you wanted to really meet her she realized you would see the truth. Who knows!!!!

So count your blessings! She could have even been a HE!!!!! lol

God Bless!

I thought about those things too, but we both invested close to 30 hours IM'ing & she finally did call when I wasn't around and left a message.  She sounds (I use that term loosely) like the nicest person on earth.  Something set her off and I don't know what......worse part about it is....I'll never find out.

She called? You don't have caller ID, I guess.

You say you were "giving her a hard time" about not giving you a way to contact her. I, personally, understand that I am not to pressure someone to do what I want. It says, "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) So, pressuring someone is what I consider to be lording over, in my case, anyway. I would want to get to know the person, better, so I could find out why she did not want to give me personal contact information. Instead of trying to get her to do what I want, and what I theorize has to happen, why not discover how she really is, instead of trying to make her be what I have decided she has to be?

God wants us to obey Him willingly and freely, and because we are benefiting from doing His will and we are enjoying doing what He wants. So, in relating with people, I need to be this way. I should want someone to be freely willing and comfortable to trust me. And I encourage people to sense with God, about me, and not to go by just what I say or do. So, if someone does not accept me or go along with something I'd like, I trust God to be in control of if and how people accept me and do things with me.

Quote from: comfy on Fri Apr 30, 2010 - 14:54:50
She called? You don't have caller ID, I guess.

You say you were "giving her a hard time" about not giving you a way to contact her. I, personally, understand that I am not to pressure someone to do what I want. It says, "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) So, pressuring someone is what I consider to be lording over, in my case, anyway. I would want to get to know the person, better, so I could find out why she did not want to give me personal contact information. Instead of trying to get her to do what I want, and what I theorize has to happen, why not discover how she really is, instead of trying to make her be what I have decided she has to be?

God wants us to obey Him willingly and freely, and because we are benefiting from doing His will and we are enjoying doing what He wants. So, in relating with people, I need to be this way. I should want someone to be freely willing and comfortable to trust me. And I encourage people to sense with God, about me, and not to go by just what I say or do. So, if someone does not accept me or go along with something I'd like, I trust God to be in control of if and how people accept me and do things with me.

Yes she called and it said "restricted".......and from what I gather, it is impossible to find out a restricted number unless you subpeona your cell carrier through the courts.  I'm not about to go that route.  She was just VERY paranoid I guess.  Oh well..........its over & I lose.   

777,

By chance were you praying if she were the "one"?

If so, that's a pretty solid answer.

hang in there buddy, God will bring the right one to you.

Quote from: Seva on Fri Apr 30, 2010 - 16:35:41
777,

By chance were you praying if she were the "one"?

If so, that's a pretty solid answer.

hang in there buddy, God will bring the right one to you.

Thank you Seva.....& yes we were BOTH praying about it.  Thats what makes it so strange.  She would even IM saying stuff like, "well at least I know your sense of humor" & "you seem like the only normal guy I've met on this site".

She did a complete 180...and cut me loose.  After that long??  I mean who invests 30 hours of communicating and then stops instantaneously???  Apparently SHE does.

You mention that 95% of the women on the site seem to be there just to chat. Please dont let this one women put you off and make you think that. They really arent. I met up with my husband only 4 days after first contact. In my opinion the earlier you can meet the better as is saves wasting everyones time.
If a person refuses to meet after a long time of e-mailing and phone calls, then that is a red flag to me. I know quite a few women who have been on dating sites and they were all genuinly looking for a guy. A few of them found one. My son met his fiance on one and she is really lovely. This ladies reaction was extreem and rediculous and shows she has problems.You are better off to know now.

Sounds like a close call..... for you. Thank God she bailed. You have no idea what she was hiding. Maybe SHE was the axe murderer! Move on and find someone you can really share with. And keep up the prayers... I think it guided you well.

Quote from: 777 on Fri Apr 30, 2010 - 16:21:00

Yes she called and it said "restricted".......and from what I gather, it is impossible to find out a restricted number unless you subpeona your cell carrier through the courts.  I'm not about to go that route.  She was just VERY paranoid I guess.  Oh well..........its over & I lose.   

30 hours of chatting isn't really a great deal of time.  I don't think she did anything wrong in wanting to cease contact.  I think maybe you missed signals earlier and she needed to make things clear.  I think that rather than laughing at her and other unfortunate women who have needed to get a RO it could be a good idea to do some soul searching and see how you could maybe behave differently next time.

Quote from: 777 on Thu Apr 29, 2010 - 21:37:22

Quote from: BondServant on Thu Apr 29, 2010 - 21:18:13
I think she's nuts...and I think she did you a big favor.  You will be much better off not contacting her, restrainer order or no.

Trust me, I've dated some crazies in the past.  The best thing to do is make a clean break.

Bond

It just blows my mind that you can put a RO on someone without even meeting them or having verbal contact of any kind.  I mean.......I even had the detective saying they get around 70 per day and he feels that its the WOMAN overreacting 80% of the time.  He's telling me this on the phone and we're laughing together.......no joke.

I should clarify.......the only way I was emailing her was through the dating site.  She wouldn't give me a personal email so I set up a hushmail account just so I could send her pics of me & my son.  What is this world coming to when christians don't trust fellow christians??  Still speechless.

hhhmm.  At least it is not racial profiling for determining legal status.   Maybe we should hand out "national restraining orders"  That seems pretty simple.

Quote from: Rachel on Mon May 03, 2010 - 11:46:00

Quote from: 777 on Fri Apr 30, 2010 - 16:21:00

Yes she called and it said "restricted".......and from what I gather, it is impossible to find out a restricted number unless you subpeona your cell carrier through the courts.  I'm not about to go that route.  She was just VERY paranoid I guess.  Oh well..........its over & I lose.   

30 hours of chatting isn't really a great deal of time.  I don't think she did anything wrong in wanting to cease contact.  I think maybe you missed signals earlier and she needed to make things clear.  I think that rather than laughing at her and other unfortunate women who have needed to get a RO it could be a good idea to do some soul searching and see how you could maybe behave differently next time.

LOL.......she put a RO on someone she has never spoke with or met.  Thats CRAZY by anyones standards.  I gave her my whole life story including full name, address, & phone....and she gave me squat!  She's crazy......plain and simple.  I realize that past experiences should not be indicative of future ones but MOST women are so "on guard"  that every man scares them, so going in.......the guy is already at a disadvantage.

Quote from: zoonance on Mon May 03, 2010 - 11:54:26
hhhmm.  At least it is not racial profiling for determining legal status.   Maybe we should hand out "national restraining orders"  That seems pretty simple.

Just give all the women a "writ of restraint" so they can issue a restraining order at any time.

I would file a counter suit.  While under restraining order you can not buy a firearm, which means your civil rights are being violated.  Obtain all the emails and messages, archive them and contact a lawyer immediately.  Send a certified letter through your lawyer demanding that the restraining order be lifted and if not file a lawsuit against her and the police department for civil rights violations.  That's assuming you did nothing wrong of course.  The police have no right to contact you or even speak to you without a lawyer being present.  Period.

Thats just it.  There IS no communications.  It was all done on a dating site.  The investigator said all you need to put a RO on someone is their full name and address.  Never met her, spoke to her.......nothing!  She doesn't even live in the same state.  I didn't know about the firearm thing though.  I have no idea how long a RO lasts.

Honestly I doubt it's a real restraining order, probably just a pissed off boyfriend or brother pretending to be a cop.  I figure that because you were never officially served.  You probably would have gotten a sheriff knocking at your door to supply the paper and the terms and give you a chance to appeal and all that.  The paper would tell you the terms such as duration of the order, the distance you have to keep, what sort of contact is not allowed, all that.  You could always contact the police department in the county in which she lives and see if one has actually been filed, but I have my doubts.  I can't see that a phone call could be sufficient notice of a restraining order, because a judge signs the order, so it's an official court document, and has to be filed, and a chance has to be given to you to respond.  At least that's how I understand the law.  While under a restraining order you can not pass a background check required by federal law to purchase a firearm and attempting to pass one to purchase a firearm when you know you can not is a crime in itself so there would have to be proper notification given to you.  Also how would you know if you are in violation of the restraining order unless the terms were in writing?  Something sound fishy to me.  Obviously she doesn't want to talk to you, but I'd make sure no paperwork was filed by contacting the police.  Even your local police department could probably help you look into it.  Most people at the police department understand these procedures since that's what they do all day.  Paperwork.  Just walk inside and talk to them and ask them explain how it all works.

Quote from: EmbsComputerArt on Sat Jun 05, 2010 - 06:00:53
Honestly I doubt it's a real restraining order, probably just a ticked off boyfriend or brother pretending to be a cop.  I figure that because you were never officially served.  You probably would have gotten a sheriff knocking at your door to supply the paper and the terms and give you a chance to appeal and all that.  The paper would tell you the terms such as duration of the order, the distance you have to keep, what sort of contact is not allowed, all that.  You could always contact the police department in the county in which she lives and see if one has actually been filed, but I have my doubts.  I can't see that a phone call could be sufficient notice of a restraining order, because a judge signs the order, so it's an official court document, and has to be filed, and a chance has to be given to you to respond.  At least that's how I understand the law.  While under a restraining order you can not pass a background check required by federal law to purchase a firearm and attempting to pass one to purchase a firearm when you know you can not is a crime in itself so there would have to be proper notification given to you.  Also how would you know if you are in violation of the restraining order unless the terms were in writing?  Something sound fishy to me.  Obviously she doesn't want to talk to you, but I'd make sure no paperwork was filed by contacting the police.  Even your local police department could probably help you look into it.  Most people at the police department understand these procedures since that's what they do all day.  Paperwork.  Just walk inside and talk to them and ask them explain how it all works.

No.......its a real detective for sure.  I have his email, phone #, etc..... I have called him before and got the main Police Dept. switchboard.

He said, no third party contact, no flowers, no anything.  I'm like ok whatever.  She doesn't even live in my state so the firearms thing doesn't matter.  I have long since chalked this one up as a psycho chick and have moved on.  LOL

OK, wait a minute here...   

Quote from: 777 on Thu Apr 29, 2010 - 20:27:16
I met this girl on a CHRISTIAN forum, we emailed back and forth about 12 times over a 3 week period

Then....

Quote from: 777 on Thu Apr 29, 2010 - 20:27:16
after 3 weeks I didn't know how to contact her, as she refused to give me her email or phone number. 

How did you "email back and forth," when "she refused to give you her email?"  Something fishy here...

I think you've deceived yourself into believing you had a relationship with this girl.  After three weeks, did you expect her to profess her eternal love and devotion? 

Quote from: 777 on Thu Apr 29, 2010 - 21:37:22
What is this world coming to when christians don't trust fellow christians??  Still speechless.

And she knows your Christian character....how, exactly??

Quote from: 777 on Sat Jun 05, 2010 - 13:41:37
I have long since chalked this one up as a psycho chick and have moved on.  LOL

Or perhaps you were moving too fast, and she got nervous?    That's the #1 mistake most guys make. If you feel so supremely confident that she owes you something, don't be so quick to say she's the psycho one.

 

I have to admit that crossed my mind too.

At the OPer:

Leave her be and just keep on keeping on in Christ. Let Him decide who's best for you, ok?