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Tonight I and the girl I'd been dating for a bit had to call it quits because of irreconcilable differences; namely my refusal to compromise on principles or to call what I consider wrong anything else and hold fast to the Bible, which she, being of a more worldly outlook, could not accept.

I know we ended things for the right reasons, and it was for the best, but I'm so tired of this endless pattern.  

I find myself so frustrated with this happening again, it's hard to want to keep staying true.  My friends just "go with the flow" and indulge in worldly pleasures and they have what I want, women who love them.  Why should I keep caring, WHY, it has left me with nothing to show for it.  Just more broken relationships and an enduring loneliness

I honestly need to hear why I should keep caring about keeping myself from becoming like the world, why I should care about right and wrong when doing so has left me with nothing to show for it.  I'm so tired of being alone and abandoning my principles would make it so much easier to find someone.   I need to hear someone tell me why, because I don't think I can tell myself anymore and still believe it

Only God's love can prove how worthwhile it is to stay faithful to Him.

"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts, by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:5)

In my case, I have been praying to be for real with God so I can connect with a really right lady of Jesus. But if I am considering giving up on God who is my only hope, then I'm not being truly and deeply faithful. And so, of course, any real woman can see through me, while I am like this. Good for them!!! It is good that the real ones can't be fooled ! ! !

And if ones are claiming to be Christians, but are selling out to worldly women, what those women are giving them has nothing to do with love, at all. So, if you are looking at what they are getting in the grass on the other side of the fence and feeling you aren't getting the "love" that worldly people are getting, then do you know how real love is? Plenty of people have married someone who turned out to be totally not like they saw those people before they married them. This *can* be because they were judging by if they were getting what *they* wanted, instead of faithfully seeking God's will.

And if my "standards" of right from wrong are not getting me together with a really Christian lady, possibly my standards are wrong or else at least I am not holding to them in the right spirit. Because in God's Holy Spirit, I will be beautifully satisfied in His love, even if everyone were to reject me. God's love is so beautifully wonderful in pleasant rest even having Heaven's quality of joy, even. So, seek this first, then see what comes, and who we are able to share with,

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

Be an example in the sight of God; "rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." And in this beauty of God's love you will be able to connect with and relate with a really Christian sister, and not only with her, but with all the others who are obeying God in His love. And He will have you connecting with all He pleases to share with you, and you with Him in His love you will be satisfied: "be content with such things as you have," we have in Hebrews 13:5.

I myself have been a religious perfectionist who could impose on others *my* standards that I dictated were the Bible's standards. Or, even though I might have had certain standards that are Biblical, still there was the problem of how my way of using Biblical standards had a way of being self-righteous.

And I have been a picky person about how things have to be in my life. So, this means my own personality has been dictating how people and things must be; and no way could someone else's personality fit together into my life, because my life was so set in place, rigidly and with barbed wire of a critical spirit, so that no one else's personality could handle how my personality dictated things had to be

So, in God's love we have balance. We know what is right and easily hold to living right, by staying in the power and wisdom of God's love. Plus, we can relate creatively with any person, because we have said no to our own selves (Luke 9:23-24) and to how Satan's spirit would have us dictating what we want (Ephesians 2:2, James 4:7). Paul became "all things to all men," he shares in 1 Corinthians 9:19-23, in order to reach all kinds of people. And he was very fulfilled and satisfied in loving

"And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15)

Right, Comfy, we have to be very careful to distinguish between--are we truly Biblical (love, truth, grace, etc) or do we have a critical spirit, perfectionism, etc. that hinder spiritualilty.   If we came from a "shame-based" background (parents, church, etc) and haven't grown enough in GRACE, that needs to be dealt with before relationships will work.  

I also strongly encourage reading about personality types and do some testing, because you have to have a deep understanding of how you function and how other types are.  For example, an author, Florence Littaur and her husband Fred were Christians but nearly lost their marriage because they did not understand each other's nature and misjudged each other until they understood the personality types. 

Third, I have personally discovered that we don't have to date around and go through multiple heart-breaks to find the mate God intends for us.  Jesus said His sheep hear His voice, and the Holy Spirit wants to guide us. By hearing His voice, I was led to my spiritual soulmate. I would never have found him otherwise!  

Express the desire of your heart to the Lord, and have a humble, teachable heart....and listen for that still small voice.  It might be that there are things God wants to work on in you during this lonely time....this is an opportunity for growth in HIM... and in His best time, and way, "she" will come...  Keep FAITH!...Follow HIM...

Our personalities meshed fine, it was our beliefs that were irreconcilable.  Which is how it usually turns out.  Another girl broke up with me when she realized I was serious when I told her I didn't believe in sex before marriage.  I can bend on personality and I can accept differences of opinion as long as they can, but I won't compromise my convictions.

What I am failing to see is why I should bother anymore.  I've told myself for so long that it had to serve a greater purpose, that there was a reason I was alone while everyone I know wasn't, but I am now questioning if that's the case.  If it isn't than I should stop caring about those beliefs and start having fun for the first time, it would make my life so much easier.

I'm finding it harder to see what good following the word has done.  All I want is one thing, something others have without trying and without following God, and keeping to my convictions is a serious boundary towards that end.  I'm just having trouble seeing the point of it anymore, I have nothing to show for my years of abstention from worldly ways (i.e. drinking, pre-marital sex, gambling, lying, cheating, etc.).

I don't want to abandon my morals because they have always been such a huge part of who I am, but if they make me miserable why care?  This is an honest question I am having trouble answering

Your reward for Godly living is sure and everlasting. In comparison, there is pleasure in sin "for a season" (short-time) and the wages of sin is death! So the choice is clear that you must do life God's way.  As for finding a Godly male-female relationship-- What age bracket are you talking about? (teens, 20s, 30s, 40s...??) 

Quote from: Huscarl on Mon Apr 19, 2010 - 16:22:16
Our personalities meshed fine, it was our beliefs that were irreconcilable.  Which is how it usually turns out.  Another girl broke up with me when she realized I was serious when I told her I didn't believe in sex before marriage.  I can bend on personality and I can accept differences of opinion as long as they can, but I won't compromise my convictions.

What I am failing to see is why I should bother anymore.  I've told myself for so long that it had to serve a greater purpose, that there was a reason I was alone while everyone I know wasn't, but I am now questioning if that's the case.  If it isn't than I should stop caring about those beliefs and start having fun for the first time, it would make my life so much easier.

I'm finding it harder to see what good following the word has done.  All I want is one thing, something others have without trying and without following God, and keeping to my convictions is a serious boundary towards that end.  I'm just having trouble seeing the point of it anymore, I have nothing to show for my years of abstention from worldly ways (i.e. drinking, pre-marital sex, gambling, lying, cheating, etc.).

I don't want to abandon my morals because they have always been such a huge part of who I am, but if they make me miserable why care?  This is an honest question I am having trouble answering

"Manna" points to you, for having been so honest about this!!  This is one of those questions that most Christians I have met are truly afraid to ask, for fear of condemnation, or other rejections.   And it's also one of the things that I struggle with, as it describes my life, too:

One of the answers that God has put out to me when I ask that question is

"Because you belong to Me, and agreed that I am going to be Lord over Your desires, choices, destiny, trials, thoughts, words, and actions"  Sometimes, I actually need for Him to be that blunt with me.

Other times, it has been "Because I absolutely LOVE you, and am using you in lives in ways that I'm NOT  using those who are "getting their way"

Another response has been to remind me that it only SEEMS that life would be easier if people like you and I were to just cash in the chips and "go for it" like the rest of the world around us seems to be doing.  It SEEMS that the women in their lives are actually loving THEM, rather than loving what they get from their men/loving the role that they want their men to play, in bringing their personal fantasies to life.  We don't know!

Psalm 73 comes to mind, where Asaph was wrestling a  lot like you are, now--and how I often do. 

Picturing God wanting me ALL TO HIMSELF helped me alot with the questions you are asking, by reminding myself of just WHO and HOW He is; and THEN meditating on the fact that He wants me--all of me.  All to Himself.  That at least calmed (to a manageable level) the storm of feeling unwanted.  THEN, I could at least CALMLY repeat the same old request to God for a woman that would be after His own heart, that would really be serious, about living for Him, that would want me as much as I want her--that would be attractive to me.

I want you to know that I'm with you in this, brother, that I'd like for you to lift me up in prayer the same way I'm going to, by the time you read this.  I hope you'll keep coming here for encouragement, and know that I really RESPECT that you are STILL (I don't know if you even realized it) firmly saying that you "won't compromise" your convictions.

Some of the good you have been used for bringing about is not visible--that's a fair statement!!!!  And part of the tension you have to bear, for agreeing to be a godly man.  Driving that tension is a combination of your good desires, your flesh--and your enemy.  There is no way to know how many THOUSANDS of people are being affected by your influence (exaggeration?  think about the people you influence that go out and have jobs that influnce hundreds through writing, blogs, radio, T.V., public speaking, school-teaching........etc.  Not far-fetched at all).

Keep in touch, brother!

Thankyou for your words of encouragement.

I keep telling myself it's for a purpose, at least I try.  Even with the girl that prompted this post.  We have known each other for several years and she has had substance abuse issues for most of that time, but she went to rehab in November and is taking all of the steps to put that part of her behind her forever and is dedicated to changing.  I know from things she has said that my example was never lost on her and she admired me for never even taking a single drink.  I know that her ex-boyfriend was a really bad man who abused her, not the first person in her life to do so, and I did my best to be a sharp contrast to that, she even thanked me for showing her what a good guy really is, she was in tears as she broke up with me. 

I think maybe that was the reason for our entire friendship, I don't know.  I knew if I told my friends these details they'd question the wisdom of getting involved with someone with such a past, but I honestly thought, maybe I was right I don't know, that to hold her past against her when she was committed to doing right would be un-Christian.  Maybe it was naive belief.  It's not even the loss of her that has me so upset, we weren't that serious but we were very much on the verge, it's more the ongoing pattern that I'm having trouble coping with.

But why would God just use me to aid in the happiness of others and neglect my own?  It does not seem logical to me.  I don't see why they should be mutually exclusive, which is how it seems to me to have been all these years.  Being the good guy is such hard work, and hard work is supposed to pay off, and God said he would send blessings if we promised to follow him.  I want to believe God is keeping his word, I do, and I am in tears right now because of the very thought that he might not be, but if I can't see those blessings how can I hope to keep my faith?  I know that God exists beyond question, but maybe he doesn't play the role in my life I thought he did

I don't want it to be so, but it's a question I need to ask

Years ago, I was doing pretty good, as a Christian. But then I got in an argument with a guy where I was preaching with someone else. And I was hurting, just a little; and a woman had been smiling toward us while we were ministering; so I went over to her, for comfort. And I got interested in her. I had wanted someone with a different background so we could reach more people, and she had been on the street drugging and hooking and had AIDS.

For me, this was made to order.

She told me she wanted me in her life, but I was not sensing God giving me confirmation; but she kept pushing me, instead of challenging me to make sure with God, saying God had told her we would marry. So, I gave in and went along with her, instead of stopping and getting really into God's peace and leading and see what He did with me. Then I decided to prove to her that I could make decisions and take the lead; and that supposedly meant immoral stuff, my first time. That night, I felt so all right and so smart, upon seeing I felt all right, afterward, like no problems in the conscience.

But, the next morning, when it was time to go to church, uh-uh, I could tell I had lost something. I was getting homesick, already, for how I knew I could be in the pleasant rest and goodness of God. So, right away, I could see I could not talk my way out of that mess.

Then we went to church, and I was feeling how with my own Jesus brothers and sisters I was keeping a secret, and I felt this.

The wrong spirit of the immorality brought me down, and our relating down, more and more.

It wasn't easier to go along with her.

Quote from: Huscarl on Tue Apr 20, 2010 - 00:28:52
Thankyou for your words of encouragement.

I keep telling myself it's for a purpose, at least I try.  Even with the girl that prompted this post.  We have known each other for several years and she has had substance abuse issues for most of that time, but she went to rehab in November and is taking all of the steps to put that part of her behind her forever and is dedicated to changing.  I know from things she has said that my example was never lost on her and she admired me for never even taking a single drink.  I know that her ex-boyfriend was a really bad man who abused her, not the first person in her life to do so, and I did my best to be a sharp contrast to that, she even thanked me for showing her what a good guy really is, she was in tears as she broke up with me. 

I think maybe that was the reason for our entire friendship, I don't know.  I knew if I told my friends these details they'd question the wisdom of getting involved with someone with such a past, but I honestly thought, maybe I was right I don't know, that to hold her past against her when she was committed to doing right would be un-Christian.  Maybe it was naive belief.  It's not even the loss of her that has me so upset, we weren't that serious but we were very much on the verge, it's more the ongoing pattern that I'm having trouble coping with.

But why would God just use me to aid in the happiness of others and neglect my own?  It does not seem logical to me.  I don't see why they should be mutually exclusive, which is how it seems to me to have been all these years.  Being the good guy is such hard work, and hard work is supposed to pay off, and God said he would send blessings if we promised to follow him.  I want to believe God is keeping his word, I do, and I am in tears right now because of the very thought that he might not be, but if I can't see those blessings how can I hope to keep my faith?  I know that God exists beyond question, but maybe he doesn't play the role in my life I thought he did

I don't want it to be so, but it's a question I need to ask

That is EXACTLY the pattern I had lived, until just one year ago!!!

I'm questioning that pattern, now.  Especially the goal of "happiness".  Let me, as carefully as I can, mention what you probably already know:  "happiness" has never been what God called us to bring to another, in the Bible.....man has put that in where God has talked about "joy", "peace", being "settled", etc.  i'm not yelling against happiness; I'm questioning happiness as a GOAL.  (Am I making sense?)

To live as Christ lives will automatically provide evidence that "they're not all like that", no matter what the example the world is hungering after.  But to do that without putting myself in the position of having my desires, longings, and loyalties tied to something that is not dedicated to the Lord--THAT is what I'm learning now.

In my case, i STILL cannot say "WHY God let this happen", and have experienced nothing but frustration from the conversations of those who believe that they DO somehow know.  But despite the absence of that answer, I can see many benefits that are there for me to celebrate in the meantime.  That has at least helped to reduce the INTENSITY of all this crap, so I can think a little straighter before I go back to grumbling and repenting of grumbling.

I appreciate your question of the role God plays in your life, and whether you "had it right".  I appreciate it, cause I've also asked it!  Check 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, brother:


3 Blessed [be] God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;

4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

5 For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.

That's one of those places I would be tempted to insert "happiness" (lol).  But look at the context of actually taking COMFORT in the MIDST of trials, that is ours to repeat to other CHRISTIANS, so that they can experience the confident hope in Christ that we experience, too. 

Paul was talking about being beaten down for the faith; You and I are "beaten down" in a way--and in a way, it has been for the faith.  Let's make sure we don't INVITE beat-downs, by getting ourselves emotionally tied to those that are not headed toward Christ!  But let's confidently look for God's protection and glory every time we decide to honor Him, despite our unmet needs.

We DON'T KNOW if those we helped are actually experiencing ongoing happiness, or a temporary reprieve that God used us to provide.   We know that it LOOKS that way.  Does that hurt?  YES!!!  And we must not be bullied into acting as though it doesn't.  After all, 2 Corinthians 5 clearly shows good brothers GROANING for their house that is in heaven, because they discovered that living in a sin-filled world......well,............sucks.  But let's fight back; and let's fight the real enemy, brother--with the Word.  2 Corinthians 5:7:  "For we walk by faith, NOT by sight"!!

God's going to help us with these unanswered questions about these unmet desires.  And He's going to sustain us in all these windstorms that are here in the meantime.  Still praying for you!

Quote from: Hot Ice on Wed Apr 21, 2010 - 18:15:24 Let me, as carefully as I can, mention what you probably already know:  "happiness" has never been what God called us to bring to another, in the Bible.....man has put that in where God has talked about "joy", "peace", being "settled", etc.  i'm not yelling against happiness; I'm questioning happiness as a GOAL.  (Am I making sense?)

I would say that makes sense; and with this we have, "be content with such things as you have," in Hebrews 13:5. For me, this means God wants me to be content, right now, no matter what things of life I have or do not have, and no matter what I have or don't have in each relationship. By the way, in a relationship, I think we could feed on what Song of Solomon 3:5 says:

"I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
By the gazelles or by the does of the field,
Do not stir up nor awaken love
Until it pleases."

So, no one has to do anything, in order for me to be content; if I am with God in His love (Romans 5:5), His love is so beautifully wonderful in peace and sweetness and refreshing making me content, so that no way am I going to look to what is inferior in order to be "happy" (Psalm 63:3).

And am I first interested in being pleasing to God, or am I first trying to get Him to please me? If I really want to please Him, I am submitting to Him in His love so pure and pleasantly satisfying. And this love makes me how He wants me to be so I am pleasing to Him (1 Peter 3:4) . . . while this love is so pleasing to me; so I have this instant feedback, then, of if I'm being pleasing to You or not, I consider

Thanks for taking the time to reply, but I just don't know

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is stupid, I need to change if I'm going to get anything I want

I'm tired of working towards what others want, I'm tired of working so hard at something and having nothing to show for it.  Most of all I'm tired of being lonely, and being different from everyone by caring so much about right and wrong is what's keeping me there.  I've always been a deep thinker and I think about moral issues constantly, I think I should just stop.

I just don't see a way around it.  I just don't know

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound ungrateful for your words or like I'm dismissing them, I'm just tired of caring because no one else does

Not so.  People do care.

Sometimes you have problems -- or even sometimes you get persecuted -- because of the high standards you feel you must hold, if you are to honor the Christ.

But, sometimes, you suffer because you are an insufferable jerk about it, not because of Jesus.  Some people would suffer anyway, even if they were Buddhists or Shintoists or Zoroastrians.

On one end of the scale is the worldly guy who couldn't care less about the Lord, and on the other is the guy who is so Heavenly-minded he ain't no Earthly good.  There's got to be a "happy medium".

It's your job, Huscarl, to simply be yourself.  If you are the Lord's man, that will show -- and some people will be repelled, and others will be drawn toward you -- or toward the Lord in you.  Not your fault at all.

It's also your job to "do it like Jesus did".  Somehow, even though Jesus managed to walk this flesh-life walk without sinning, He still managed to do it so lovingly, in such a lovely way that people couldn't stay away from Him. 

His family thought He was nuts, sometimes; sometimes people followed Him for the wrong reasons, and left Him as soon as they learned to know Him better.  And then of course they -- we -- eventually killed Him.

But, in general, while Jesus walked the Earth with us, He was so loving and lovely, so truthful and demanding of truth, and yet doing it in the right way -- in general, we loved Him and delighted in His presence.  He did not condone our sins but He loved us so genuinely anyway that it was  a delight to have Him near, and to try to be a better person for Him.   

Somehow, that's what you need to do, sugar.  That's what you need to be.  To be Jesus in a  lost, dying world.   That's what we all need to be.

 Amos 3:3 KJV says "  Can two walk together, except they be agreed ?"  So you have to date someone who is of similar spiritual maturity.   Find out when you meet someone, how long has she been a born-again Christian and what has she been doing to cultivate her relationship with God? Does she feed on good teaching & preaching, fellowship with other believers, and is she doing any kind of ministry?  That should screen out many and guard your heart from thee unqualified, plus set apart those who have potential to be your mate. 

Or is there some kind of spiritual or emotional flaw to overcome?  For example, do you tend to be the kind of person that immature or needy people turn to for help or hope?  Or what attracts you to people who aren't as moral and spiritual as you are?

Also, some people who are very moral are also "shame-based". Are you familiar with that term?  It will destroy relationships.  These people are shame-wounded. They come from a home or church background that stirred up shame, blame, criticism, etc. and held them up to unrealistic perfectionist standands and expectations. They were controlled and their boundaries violated.   But there is hope for recovery and hope for genuinely intimate and joyful relationships.

Most of all, be sure to ask God to lead you to "the one" who can be truly "one" with you in spirit and overall. He is the perfect Matchmaker!!  He did that for me and I didn't have to date around!  I would never have imagined this could happen!  See, God had taken me through very tough trials over many years, and I learned through that to be His sheep that hears His voice!  He actually placed some words in my spirit at several different times--there was no context or story with them so I did not know what they meant until I met this man, and as I got to know him, I realized those words uniquely fit this man!  Truly amazes me too, how God worked in this man's history and mine to prepare us for each other.  We are so much alike spirtually-- what a delight!!!  We enjoy the same things overall.  In all my life, I have never had a companion like this. I felt like you, HusCarl, very moral, not worldly, alone and different in a big world for most of my 40 and some years!... But in July 2006, God brought my spiritual soulmate!!  I share this to encourage you, that God has not forgotten your need!!  Hang on!   

Lets put it this way....

I am an impossible person to start with...extreme in most instances.

So...right from the git go I already know that a person who wishes to join with me is going to be a rareity...if not an out and out impossibility.

Granted there are a few out there who might think that they want to and that they can...but..it is up to me and God to decide the reality of the situation.

Some things are relative to how and where you were raised.
One person can wear a string bikini and another nothing where some think that even driving by a beach is a big big sin...regardless of levels of clothing.

Then you have those that shouldn't or can't even smell a glass of wine vx those that can drink and not be drunk. All relative.

The important part is that I see that "Mrs. JohnDB" and I can get along...she supports me and I love her and can be the leader for her that I need to be. (IOW...she follows without being commanded...I don't want to order anyone about including a wife)

That she and I can make a great team with our abilities merging and meshing...and sometimes that is unique.

Is she a saver or a spender...does she actually have an intimate relationship with God...is she relexed with household chores or is she a neat freak...a health nut or flavor junkie...

All these things go into the mx.

In the end...there can be only one...and so far two have tried and failed.

Quote from: Huscarl on Thu Apr 22, 2010 - 14:05:32Most of all I'm tired of being lonely, and being different from everyone by caring so much about right and wrong is what's keeping me there.  I've always been a deep thinker and I think about moral issues constantly, I think I should just stop.

It is important to know right from wrong, so we don't get into trouble. But only God can guide us to what is really right for us.

And included in Christian morality is not giving up

And Christian morality includes caring about people who don't care for us. "And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved." (2 Corinthians 12:15)

And I have been so helped by understanding that God does not want me to *use* anybody, but love first, with every person.

So, be glad you have your morals, whichever ones are right; but maybe you are finding out that the morals you have are not enough to do all that God would do to make you satisfied in loving. Even the right morals may be only able to keep us from getting into trouble, but they alone can not make us become loving and pleasing to God and satisfied. The Law of Moses was given to help to get us to Jesus (Galatians 3:24), and this Law is God's perfect law of morals; but it is meant to get us to Jesus who is the only One who can give *us* "rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:29) What you have tried has *not* done this; so we need to offer ourselves humbly to You, LORD, for however we need Your correction and maturing us in Your loving.

I don't know, if I can't see the benefits, if I have no idea what purpose any of it is serving, how can I keep going.  Then it's just blind faith based on nothing, faith is important, but purely blind faith is dangerous.  God doesn't want robots

It just seems to me like the only reason to keep doing the right thing, is because it is the right thing to do.  That logic has been enough for me for a long time, but I don't think it is anymore.

Quote from: Huscarl on Thu Apr 22, 2010 - 14:05:32
Thanks for taking the time to reply, but I just don't know

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is stupid, I need to change if I'm going to get anything I want

I'm tired of working towards what others want, I'm tired of working so hard at something and having nothing to show for it.  Most of all I'm tired of being lonely, and being different from everyone by caring so much about right and wrong is what's keeping me there.  I've always been a deep thinker and I think about moral issues constantly, I think I should just stop.

I just don't see a way around it.  I just don't know

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound ungrateful for your words or like I'm dismissing them, I'm just tired of caring because no one else does

Hi there,
I feel your plight.  I have also felt that way, but do it because of your love for Jesus:
John 14:15If ye love me, keep my commandments.

Do it because God says so:
1st Corinthians 6:9-10 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators...shall inherit the kingdom of God.

God will honor your choices.   Do it because you want to please God...not man/woman...not yourself.   

God will give you the desires of your heart if you seek him first.   
Matthew 6:
30Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?  31Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?  32(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.  33But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

I believe the above verses extend to all of your needs.  Put God first and He will see to your needs.

I hope these verses help. 

You have my prayers.[/color]

If you quit "spouse shopping" you would be happier and less discontent.

Be happy in any circumstances that you find yourself...

Then...for some unknown reason God seems to see fit to send someone along that really messes up your planned single life.

He seems to have a very twisted sense of humor.

Quote from: Huscarl on Thu Apr 22, 2010 - 14:05:32
Thanks for taking the time to reply, but I just don't know

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is stupid, I need to change if I'm going to get anything I want

I'm tired of working towards what others want, I'm tired of working so hard at something and having nothing to show for it.  Most of all I'm tired of being lonely, and being different from everyone by caring so much about right and wrong is what's keeping me there.  I've always been a deep thinker and I think about moral issues constantly, I think I should just stop.

I just don't see a way around it.  I just don't know

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound ungrateful for your words or like I'm dismissing them, I'm just tired of caring because no one else does

Then, quit working at it.  You could do like me (48 and single and never been in a serious relationship)...keep free of relationships and find out what God has for you to do in His Kingdom as a single.  You were asking for a reason to remain as you are and to hold to your convictions.  There is but one reason:  Love for Jesus.  If He is our First Love, we just obey His Word, not because we are trying to impress Him or gain points or do what's right.  It should simply be motivated by love for Jesus.  And the more we fall in love with Jesus, the more we come into the pleasures that are at His right hand forevermore...and quit seeking the pleasures of the world.  Paul said some our called to be sngle (I know this isn't what you want to hear).  And even if not called to be single your entire life, you are single now...so change your goal to finding out what God wants for you now in this single season.   

I pray that I am not coming across condemning in this...it is something I struggle with.  I just know that when I used to focus too much on wanting a husband and "where is he?" and so on, I had no peace.  I had to pray and pray for peace in regards to my singleness, and, now, I can say that even though I have hopes of some day marrying, I am at peace.  I will wait as long as God asks (and, no, I won't give in to the world's ways).  I will not allow my worth or value to be determined by whether I am in a relationship or married.  I will allow God, alone, to be my source of worth and value.  And, I will wait, patiently, for Him to bring the very best possible person to me (someone I also believe has waited for marriage for physcial intimacy). 

I am so sorry you are struggling in this way...but please DO NOT give up on these convictions!  You will only regret it.

4Jesus  

There are plenty of very good things shared, here, that help me; so thank you I need to love Jesus, first, and doing what He wants is enough. And Paul said he could be content in whatever state he was (Philippians 4:11-13). I can see he was so satisfied in loving all the Christians who were his Jesus Family; I mean, the ones who were obedient were such blessing and satisfaction to be sharing with them, but anyone who was tempting him to go after pleasures was not a special satisfaction, though he did have the goodness and satisfaction of God's love, in caring for even those wrong people.

"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." (2 Timothy 2:22)

I can see that I have gotten into trouble emotionally, and discontent, by wanting what lusts would have me thinking about. But there are "those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." There are the obedient loving people who are included in my reward for staying with the LORD. But while I am impurely desiring what is foolish, I can not at the same time appreciate the ones who are for real, if I am letting foolish people get me into wishing for what they are capable of getting You can't see what is good, while you are looking for what is inferior; and we can be puppets and robots of what we want, that is inferior; so, you're right: God does not want us to be robots. "You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections." (2 Corinthians 6:12)

So, thank you for your helping things and your prayer; they are helping me

Quote from: Huscarl on Sun Apr 18, 2010 - 03:32:55
Tonight I and the girl I'd been dating for a bit had to call it quits because of irreconcilable differences; namely my refusal to compromise on principles or to call what I consider wrong anything else and hold fast to the Bible, which she, being of a more worldly outlook, could not accept.

I know we ended things for the right reasons, and it was for the best, but I'm so tired of this endless pattern.  

I find myself so frustrated with this happening again, it's hard to want to keep staying true.  My friends just "go with the flow" and indulge in worldly pleasures and they have what I want, women who love them.  Why should I keep caring, WHY, it has left me with nothing to show for it.  Just more broken relationships and an enduring loneliness

I honestly need to hear why I should keep caring about keeping myself from becoming like the world, why I should care about right and wrong when doing so has left me with nothing to show for it.  I'm so tired of being alone and abandoning my principles would make it so much easier to find someone.   I need to hear someone tell me why, because I don't think I can tell myself anymore and still believe it

I hear you man.  Did you read MY post?  Its crazy isn't it?  And I was on a christian forum.  Bottom line........stay true to the Lord.......he will reward you beyond measure in heaven.

I feel you though,...it seems like us "true" christians are the only ones with morals.  Keep fighting the good fight.   

Hi Huscarl,
I'm glad you asked this question because I have been going through something rather similar. It's hard when you see romance and love connections all over the place. It's hard when you KNOW right from wrong; yet, your body has desires that hard to shake (and I'm not only referring to sexual, I'm also talking about the need of companionship). But, you have to not only live for yourself, but live for God first! Find out what He likes and does not like, and do your best to please Him. I believe it's ok to cry out to Him of your lonliness and the struggles you are having with it. But don't allow your lonliness to tempt you into sinning. Your worldly friends have passion and romance now but they may (not) have what matters most - Jesus Christ and God's love! That does come first. And just think about when you do give into worldly desires - it feels good fo a bit, but then it's gone. And you begin to think 'man, why did I even do that?? It wasn't even worth 'it'.'
So, I hope this post and all the others before mine will help you to stay strong. And find a good Christian friend who is working to live Christlike who can understand your struggles.

I am in the same boat as you, I've had nothing but bad luck.  I am bored by most women after talking to them for 10 seconds.  And once every year or two I find one that intrigues me she slips out of my hands.  My other Christian friends are all in relationships, and it seems to have been so easy for them, I don't get it.  I would suggest going to churches with people your age, and maybe try internet dating. 

I hope tha t you are still waiting.  I haven't been able to get on here in a while (just moved and no internet connection in new place, yet).  But I have been thinking about you.  And I hope and pray you are waiting.  Sex belongs to only one person:  your mate.  Don't cheat her out of it! 

Quote from: 4Jesus on Wed May 19, 2010 - 19:25:09
I hope tha t you are still waiting.  I haven't been able to get on here in a while (just moved and no internet connection in new place, yet).  But I have been thinking about you.  And I hope and pray you are waiting.  Sex belongs to only one person:  your mate.  Don't cheat her out of it!  

You bring up a great point by saying "Sex belongs to only one person:  your mate.  Don't cheat her out of it!"  The real problem is regarding the existence of said mate.  It dumbfounds me why the bible gives explicit instruction on some matters, however it is devoid of guidance when it comes to finding a mate, which exceeds everything else in importance, second to ones own soul of course.  The only advice given is not to marry nonbelievers, an issue which shouldn't even be in question for a Christian anyway.  This leads me to believe that it is accomplished purely by faith, and not by ones own actions.  For if actions were necessary, it would make sense that the bible would have examples for us to follow. 

I think the example we have to follow is Adam.  It was GOD, not Adam, who determined it was not good for man to be alone.  So, once Adam was doing his purpose (taking care of the garden), God brought him a mate.  It is God who picks the one we marry...and says when we are to marry them.  Or this should be left to God.  Too many are trying to find a mate when God wants to bring the right person in HIS timing.  I know His timing can be trying (believe me, I know!).  I mean I'm 48 and single, and since the age of 22 I have been praying to be with the right guy...off and on.  But I did get to the place where I let it go and just told God I would leave it in His hands.  If we don't give up our frantic wanting of someone, we will never find peace.  And I HAD to find peace.  So, through much prayer, I came to where I could take marriage or leave it.  I have become a satisfied single...and I adedge that we all can become that.  I know to some this sounds impossible.  But it is truly the testimony of my life, that by pressing into Jesus, I found that peace and was able to begin enjoying my single years.  Now, I just can not imagine being married and someone competing for Jesus attention in my life.  Rather than taking this waiting time as something horrible, take it as time to get closer and closer to Jesus.  Jesus is more real to me than the earth and people around me, than the things of this world...and the pursuit of earthly pleasures.  I do believe God has someone set aside that I will some day marry.  But unless Jesus is First and most important, my marriage has no chance of success.  I can not put my husband in Jesus place or he will be more important to me than Jesus, and I will have made him my god.  Jesus has to remain Lord and First Love...and that includes that He, not physical pleasure, has to be the most important thing in my life.  We do this out of love and obedience for Jesus, because he gave His ALL for us.  Can we not give up something for Him?

 

Quote from: JohnDB on Sun Apr 25, 2010 - 14:07:18
He seems to have a very twisted sense of humor.

Doesn't He though.

What a great and wonderful God He is. (not sarcasm)

He gives then He takes away. He gives then He takes away.

He puts a sex starved man with a hot looking wife who does not want to be touched.

Life is one big test.

My advice is to set your heart towards Yeshua/Jesus and trust Him for your wife.  When I say trust, I mean walk daily trusting Him for that person as long as it takes.  Ask yourself, do I really trust Him, am I walking in trust?? Are my lips saying one thing and my heart saying another.  Your heart and words should match each other.  Ask the Lord God to help you with that. In Roman's 10:10 says; It is with your heart that you believe and are justified and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.   The Lord hears our words and examines our hearts. Ask Him to help you..  Remember to wait upon the Lord for He cares about you.