Christian Forums

When I speak of the first time you have had sex...instantly images, a name, a situation and a whole host of memories flood your brain.

Considering 95% of all couples don't wait till their honeymoon for their first sexual encounter...and that most people who wed aren't virgins.

It stands to reason that we all fall short.

BUT

When speaking of your first time to have sexual intercourse with another person....

Why is it that most women do not seem to enjoy themselves but the guys all claim it was the best ever?

Thoughts, opinions?

I remember reading somewhere that women need a reason to be intimate, whereas us guys.........umm...........don't.

Women need to be "in the mood".......not like us guys who are always "in the mood".

Quote from: 777 on Wed Jun 30, 2010 - 21:35:18
I remember reading somewhere that women need a reason to be intimate, whereas us guys.........umm...........don't.

Women need to be "in the mood".......not like us guys who are always "in the mood".

Totally agree. For the women it is far far more than just the physical act, wheras a man can enjoy that alone, even if it is with a stranger.
I personally cant think of anything worse than sleeping with a person that I hardly know, as so many youngsters do, love and sex are intertwined for me. 

I really enjoy reading at this forum, all the different opinions are awesome.  However, I am a Christian, and while yes we all sin, I find it odd to want to discuss pre-marital sex in the singles section of a Christian forum.

That is like having a pleasurable discussion lauding the first time you stole your neighbors car.  Or the difference in technique of males or females in auto theft.

I can almost see this discussion in the marriage forum when discussing ones private sex life but not here.

Count me out, no thanks.

Quote from: fassopony on Thu Jul 01, 2010 - 08:54:20
I really enjoy reading at this forum, all the different opinions are awesome.  However, I am a Christian, and while yes we all sin, I find it odd to want to discuss pre-marital sex in the singles section of a Christian forum.

That is like having a pleasurable discussion lauding the first time you stole your neighbors car.  Or the difference in technique of males or females in auto theft.

I can almost see this discussion in the marriage forum when discussing ones private sex life but not here.

Count me out, no thanks.

I though we were discussing the first time of sex, not premarital sex necessarily. For many here it will have been in marriage, but yes I do see your point .

If you are taking this discussion as an endorsement of premarital sex then you probably have an issue.

I think it has something to do with anatomy, John.  First time is painful for most women because of the ripping of the hymen.

Jarrod

After my first time, I went down emotionally and spiritually. If it was sin, there was the evil spirit of disobedience in it to degrade me. After we started, our relating got worse and worse. If you exercise in what is wrong, it will make you "stronger" in what is wrong so you get worse . . . kind of like doing things in a room full of unhealthy fumes: no matter what exercising and eating you do to be healthy, you will still be breathing those fumes.

Paul speaks of "the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience," in Ephesians 2:2. While we do what is not obedient, this spirit's feelings and emotions will be messing us.

And I might have seen that a woman advertising her behind can keep getting a guy who is after only one thing; and so, then she can suppose all guys are after only one thing and that there aren't any Christian men around If you want a man who is worthy and fit to be your "head" (Ephesians 5:23), why try to get someone who you can fling around and control with your tail And if I mean to be a woman's "head", I understand "nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) So, I must not try to control my lady, but win her with good example that helps her do better with God and loving, including how we both need to be first about pleasing God > "rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4) With this will come sex that is in love, "instead of lust to use each other for pleasure."

Quote from: JohnDB on Thu Jul 01, 2010 - 12:01:29
If you are taking this discussion as an endorsement of premarital sex then you probably have an issue.

Exactly! And with that said, as a woman, we do operate more on feelings and emotions than men in general I believe (from my own personal experiences).
Anyway, most women tend to say the sex was not good b/c we have this expectation of sex based on romance novels, movies, etc. And also, we may climax differently than men.(Disclaimer: This is not an endorsement to premarital sex or to glorify it. Its just my honest view toward the issue).
Even in marriage, I know that sex and the thought of it between men and women can be different. As long as most (key word, most) men get 'theirs' (you all should know what I'm talking about) they are ok. But for women, it can take longer or it may not always be an intercourse type of stimulation needed to get 'theirs'.

So with all of that said, a good number of women tend to be dissatisfied with their first time due to various reasons: including expectations that are not met in their own sexual encounter, emotional needs not met during the encounter, and pain (like someone said, breaking the hymen can hurt and if it continues during the encounter, I don't see how it could be enjoyable).

Just my 2.5 cents :-)

First times stink, period...  Nobody knows what they're doing.

If I could undo that day, I wouldn't even think twice; I'd just hit Ctrl+U instantly.

Also, Women are better car thieves...  They can fit under the steering column more readily and cops don't look at them as suspiciously.  (NOTE:  I have never stolen a car.  I borrowed a Bradley Fighting Vehicle once, but that was in the army, and lead to many, many laughs...and lots of trouble.)

I'm too old to remember the last time, much less the first time. No, just kidding 

Quote from: JohnDB on Tue Jun 29, 2010 - 20:44:02
When speaking of your first time to have sexual intercourse with another person....

Why is it that most women do not seem to enjoy themselves but the guys all claim it was the best ever?

Interesting question, and perhaps Fassopony is correct that it might be more appropriate in the married sex folder.  It may just be too frustrating for someone trying to be continent.

That said, IMO it is based on anatomy. Intercourse has an incredible connection factor, expecially when it results is good stimulation and release. For the guy the parts involved in that are directly involved so it all comes together easily.  For the gal, the part involved is not directly involved and usually needs a lot more direct contact. Since the stimulation may be minimal or non-existant, there rarely is the release. That is bound to be very unsatisfying.

Also, for the guy's first time; if he has never seen or touched those female parts, he may "finish" before they even get started. THAT can also be very frustrating to the woman.

This is asuming that the couple already have a strong emotional connection and both are "in the mood."  If those are missing for either one, the result will not be as good, but probably more so for the female.  But that is only statistically true; there is a significant minority of cases where that is reversed. (For her it was great but not so much for him)

OK - I confess.  I was a regular poster on www.themarriagebed.com forums back several years ago (and invited to be on their Oversight Group - kind of a mod) and much of this was discussed in great detail there incuding people's personal experiences. I learned a lot there.

I enjoyed myself very much. Before I had all these thoughts it'd be painful etc and it wasn't, for me. There was a very strong passion that I acted on and for me it was the culmination of a feeling of intense closeness (though I'm sorry to say in this case sinful though we married later). But I agree with the others if more women don't enjoy it as much as most men it's because sex is easier for men to enjoy on the whole, a lot more straightforward it would seem.

First time was when I was still single and a non xtian. Well men always enjoy the act in any situation. It is simply anatomy.

With my wife, we did not have sex before marriage though there were temptations but all thanks to God we came through it. Our first time was lovely...