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Hi. So I slept with a guy on the second date. I have been sexually pure for the last several years, and planned to stay that way until married because I believe it is best and that's what God wants for me. But I went to his house, and we went too far.

I am working it through and know that God forgives me and I am working on setting up better boundaries.

He said he is fine if we are still able to be friends. I've heard guys say that before, and that never happens.

Do I contact him and be friends or do I just let it go and never contact him again?

I can give more info if necessary....

I think you should not only not talk to him anymore, I think you should stay off the dating scene for a little while and focus more on prayer and spiritual growth.

Just my

Bond

Is this guy a Christian?If he isnt then you shouldnt be going out with him anyway and if he is, I would have to question if he is serious about his faith.
If you really cant stay away from sex so soon, then maybe you need to not be dating at this time.Take time to question your walk with Jesus and why this happened. 

Well..I do need to know something more about you than what you have posted here.

Who are you?
How old (approximate age) are the two of you.
Need some history on you...like been married before?
Longest lasting romantic relationship?

When was your last relationship? (before this one...how long ago?)

What do you do for a living?
Level of education

How long have you been a Christian?
What kind of Church do you go to?
Size?

You already know that sex is intended to follow commitment so nothing need be said regarding that.

As for contacting him, ask yourself: What gain will happen if you contact him to be friends?  It seems to me that nothing truly positive will result.  He is probably not interested in living a christian life, and evil corrupts good.  So if you are trying to live a christian life, dont allow him into your life anymore, even as a friend.  

JohnDB, you made me giggle.  I read your post as if you were asking her what size she was.  Haw.

Anyway -- No need to keep/build any kind of friendship with the guy.  I'm not saying be hateful to him when you meet; be cordial.  In company of other people.  In public.

If you are trying to protect sexual purity, stay away from people and places that attack that.  And right now, he's one of those people.

Girl, you shouldn't have a problem talking to him since you are MARRIED TO HIM, check out these verses,
1 Cor 6:15-20
15   Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.
16   What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.
17   But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.
18   Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
19   What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?
20   For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
(KJV)

So girl, you are now one flesh with the guy, if you just walk away from the union it's like getting a divorce.  Actions have consequences.

I disagree with the response from above. Paul is making a statement not about marriage through intercourse. its a contrast between sin outside of the body and in the body. Sex is valid only in marriage other then that its harlotry or fornication. He is driving home a point that if you fornicate you are joining yourself with that person and there conduct. If you flee from it as it says (Fornication) its a wise thing to do and repent from it and don't sin anymore. (in John...Jesus speaking to the woman who was caught in adultry)

of course they arent married, they have sinned sexually but there havent got married. That is what fornication is, the sin of sex outside marriage.They didnt get married, and therefore they dont need to divorce. Otherwise anyone getting raped would also be married to their rapist and what is they were raped by several men. Which of those men are they married to??
Sheesh.

As above. Fornication is sex outside of marriage. If sex automatically = marriage in Gods eyes then the sin of fornication wouldn't exist.

Forgive yourself. That's really important (sometimes thats actually the hardest of all - but it's crucial to heal and get free from the whole entanglement and consequences on your heart and spirit.)

2 dates.  Is there really anything there to save?

Quote from: janine on Tue May 18, 2010 - 07:31:02
JohnDB, you made me giggle.  I read your post as if you were asking her what size she was.  Haw.

Anyway -- No need to keep/build any kind of friendship with the guy.  I'm not saying be hateful to him when you meet; be cordial.  In company of other people.  In public.

If you are trying to protect sexual purity, stay away from people and places that attack that.  And right now, he's one of those people.

OK...grammar notes taken...I have failed to even try to control my bad grammar of late...don't know why...Just doing it for some reason...

So...are the grammar police gonna cite me or what?

 
You are correct EmbsComputerArt.... bygrace is incorrect.  EmbsComputer Art, use this scripture: The Lord is talking about breaking faith with Him but uses the marriage covenant that He created as an example.

Malachi 2:14-16
It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one?   In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. I hate Divorce, Says the Lord God of Israel.
Verse 15, Has not the Lord made them one?  what do you think this is made by? a contract? signing something? The two fleshes become one by sexual union!  That is why the scripture says if you committ adultry  or make your bed unfaithful, you break the covenant of marriage. You broke spirit and flesh with your wife or husband.  Luke 16: 18 That is why Jesus says: If you divorce your wife and marry another women  he committs adultry, and theman who marries a divorced woman committs adultry.  He is speaking about the marriage covenant, not the ceremony and signed document.

Mark 2-12
And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" 3 He answered them, "What did Moses command you?" 4 They said, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to put her away." 5 But Jesus said to them, "For your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female.' 7 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." 10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, commits adultery against her; 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

It is about the union where the two become one flesh. Jesus addressed the certificate or ceremony or marriage papers "issue" and gave a correct response how God created it from the beginning.  When you sleep with somone you become one with them and a union is formed, a covenant is established.  Our laws of the land require you to have a marriage certificate before a judge.    But even then Jesus addresses that there should be only one women and one man in God's created covenant.  Jesus is re-establishing the  marriage covenant from that point on. 
It is also for our own benefit..
Paul says, you who have united himself with a prostitute, have become one with her, and everybody else she has slept with.  "The two will become one in body and spirt"  No wonder our world is a mess!!

.

Quote from: Wycliffes_Shillelagh on Sun Jun 20, 2010 - 22:57:20
2 dates.  Is there really anything there to save?

That is what I was thinking..........

There seems to be a problem, & they both have it...

I would consider @ some point, like now, do you wanna be w/ a person that sleeps w/ ppl date #2???  

He should think about it as well..............  Christian or not...........

 Hehealedme
So you are saying that when a man lay with a women a covenant has not taken place?? That the two fleshes have not become one?   

Quote from: leewood777 on Fri Jul 02, 2010 - 03:14:57
Hehealedme
So you are saying that when a man lay with a women a covenant has not taken place?? That the two fleshes have not become one?   

  No, a sin has taken place, either adultery if one of them is married to someone else, or fornication if they are both single. Otherwise as hehealed me said a rapist would then be married to the woman that he raped, and a father who rapes his child would then be married to his
own daughter which is of course not the case.

.

.

Hi Starling,
It's easy to says 'let's remain friends' because people don't like the idea of letting someone go after they have done something that should not have been done. And you guys only went out twice and had sex - there's not much of an established relationship there. My advice to you would be to let it go. You did it, move forward, without him.
I slept with a guy first time I met him and I knew afterwards a friendship was impossible and I knew a real relationship (marriage) was not even there so I just cut my losses and let him go and got closer to God because obviously I wasn't grounded in Christ enough that I let myself go so easily.

Yes, God will forgive you - which is the beauty of it all. But repent and stay focused on Christ.

Quote from: Hehealedme on Fri Jul 02, 2010 - 11:21:29

Quote from: leewood777 on Mon Jun 28, 2010 - 16:40:15

Mark 2-12
6 But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female.' 7 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." 

Notice what is written:     'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to HIS WIFE, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.'

It says ''HIS WIFE''...not just any woman out there...people need to acknowledge their sin and repent...and you two leewood777 and EmbsComputerArt, need to study the Bible a little deeper and recognize your error...

Thats for that information hehealedme.

Quote from: starling2003 on Fri May 14, 2010 - 19:37:21
Hi. So I slept with a guy on the second date. I have been sexually pure for the last several years, and planned to stay that way until married because I believe it is best and that's what God wants for me. But I went to his house, and we went too far.

I am working it through and know that God forgives me and I am working on setting up better boundaries.

He said he is fine if we are still able to be friends. I've heard guys say that before, and that never happens.

Do I contact him and be friends or do I just let it go and never contact him again?

I can give more info if necessary....

Sis...

Might I suggest that you get up, dust yourself off, REPENT, and start all over again.  I wouldn't suggest that you continue in a relationship with this man because now the potential to continue in sin is greater. 

If he wants to have a serious, committed relationship with you [courtship] then I would advise that you both meet with your pastor, confess your sins, and start fresh without the sex...  Also, for safety sake maybe there should be some monitoring of the relationship.

If you chose not to continue seeing him, or if he doesn't want to see you anymore, [or attempts to make this a "sexual" relationship only then you should stay away from him]...then set some rules for your next relationship one of them being NOT to be alone with a man...public dates at first.  Then if you are alone, he goes home by a certain time, no kissing, fondling, laying down, going to his house, etc.

Just some thoughts...

Hello starling2003,
I noticed that you posted only once-if you are still reading this thread please let us know how things are going with you now-there are believers praying for you 

i'm wondering, how long did you know this person before you dated him the first time?  i heard that the first 7 dates should be in a public place. and if you go on a date at least once a week, then that is about 2 months before you should even have a chance to be alone with him for anything to happen.  since i don't know how long you've known this person, then i can't say whether or not you shouldn've really trusted yourself to be alone with him.    being alone with a guy is not wise. trust me i know. i've known this guy for bout a month, through my brother, and the 2 outta 3 times i've been at his house, little lines got crossed, and now, i'm not going back there alone for a while, unless our kids are around.