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Trying to figure the best way to deal with a situation that is going on.  There is a guy in my church that seems to have developed a crush on me and I am in no way in agreement.  Unfortunately, I adore his parents and I also do not want to hurt feelings.  I have not dealt with this as a Christian and my old way is not, umm, nice.

Soo.....anyone wanna help?  My goal is to do absolutely no encouragement whatsoever, keep as far away as possible and be friendly yet standoff-ish?  It would be easier if I rarely saw the guy but we go to the same small church and two Bible studies each week besides other times some of us get together for fellowship.  Sigh.

Anyone else gone through this?

Be polite but cool and avoid him as much as possible.If he asks you out you will have to say something but until then make sure that you give him the clear message that you arent interested.

Thanks, Chosenone :)

Maybe even just come straight out with it and tell him (nicely.) Girls do vibes more easily then guys and something that to us might be crystal clear, might leave hope to someone who is really interested and thinks they could have a chance if they just persevere.

I have had crushes on women who didn't want me. And the crushing stuff in me made me so I didn't even know them, anyway. Once I got over the crush, I could see them better, and I was quite satisfied the crush was bye-bye. And I'm glad, now that I've known ones more, that they didn't want me. There are women I appreciate much better than the crush I had on them! The peace is nicer, better. The quality of love is nicer and so better.

So, maybe we could say I was being beguiled and needed correction; so I'd say maybe he needs to hear something to help him, so he's helped to not give in to temptation to keep on being fooled. And he can straighten out so he can relate with you as brother and sister in Jesus with love so better than the confusing and wishful stuff a guy can get into, wanting and maybe even expecting what he wants for himself. There's so much better that you can share together.

It has helped me to be committed to God satisfying a lady about what is for her and me or not. So, if she is not taking to me, I understand simply that God does not have her satisfied with me, and so I need to love her by caring for her and praying blessing to her and honoring how she is about me, and be the best brother and friend I can be because of God. And this loving has done me so much more good, than being confused and wishing for handouts of attention and wondering if I'm good enough for her and if she would have me . . . come one (c: With God, we are not beggars!

But he is not me; so it can be good to understand what is going on with him, maybe, and make things clear what is going on with you

Comfy, there is absolutely nothing going on with me.  Let me repeat this again--there is absolutely nothing going on with me.  I am not beguiling or whatever your post meant in any way.  I am not into fooling anyone.  I am not a flirt.  I am towards him the same way I am to my friends 9 year old daughter, the same way I am to the couple in their 90s and the same way I am to the however many other people in my church that I consider sisters and brothers in Christ but not close friends. I am not sure what sort of involvements you got into in the past  but I hope you are now able to stay away from that sort of female.  I also hope you let God lead you to someone who will return your affection in a healthy and loving way :) 

Yesult, I thought of that but have no idea how to go in to that!  And, honestly, it is a very uncomfortable thought. 

Just tell him that you have noticed his attentions & that you are flattered but that your personality type isn't compatible with his. You can mention that, to you, he has no attraction but that to many many other women he most definitely does.

If it comes to it, that may be a good thing to say.  I have to admit I hope it never comes to that and somehow he meets some gal between now and Sunday that he just falls for LOL!!  Poof!  Problem solved!

Quote from: fassopony on Thu Aug 26, 2010 - 12:53:19
I have not dealt with this as a Christian and my old way is not, umm, nice.

So how would you have dealt with this in your old way?
Sometimes you need to be blunt.
I know I would rather know sooner then later. Don't save my feelings, please.

Blunt and to the point is one thing, rude and hurtful another. 

Just pick your nose where he can see you. That'll do the trick. 

Like this !!???  LOL!!!!



My friend snapped that while we were hauling some horses somewhere....it was a dull drive and I told her I was having a nose pickin' good time!

If that don't work, pretending to pull out a wedgie will do it! Just be sure not to attempt this at the same time you pick your nose. Some things are just plain ill-mannered. :-)

LOL!!!!! 

Hey, your're cute!!
Now you have two guys to get rid of.

*picking nose and pulling out wedgies as fast as I can *

LOL!! 

Unfortunately, the guy has most definitely not found someone else to follow around, at least judging by this morning *eyeroll*

It's tough for guys,
if a guy is interested in a girl he's afraid to show it because rejection is often painful.
So the guy makes a move and as he suspect she's not interested, this happens over and over so that if the potential person finally does come along he is so gun shy , his very thin emotions are not all that interested in being hammered again. some men are more acustomed to the game and become better at it , but they have cultured this dating thing so well, a new date is already planned with some one else, before the the date he is currently on is begun.
People live in a fanticy world creating expectations that have no sustainable foundation.
Women and men have all their expectations, of what things migh be like on the other side, but the fact is fanticy leads to heart ache.
  People want what some one else has, that is called covetiousness.
For your self and the guy that can't seem to behave him self around you , the best thing is walking in God's perfect will. If only one of you do is not good enough both must want God's will far and above personal satisfaction.
  David said," trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto thine own understanding , but in ALL thy ways acknowledge Him , and He will direct thy path.
Jesus said Matthew 4; man does not live by bread alone , but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. The scriptures do not reveal what a personal obedient relationship does before God.
   Find God's direction in dealing with this man and do not stand alone but have a witness with you acknowledging all that is being said between you . See to it that you are not alone with him at any time , make the relationship very public and including others.
  if he cannot coax you alone he will know that there is no trust between you
no trust no relaationship.
 
 

I should clarify that there has been no untoward behavior from him.  Just the usual following me around, appearing wherever I am at, staring, etc.  I have noticed that he scouts out where I set my purse and/or Bible and always manages to be sitting right there so I now just leave them and sit across the room.  He is not a bad person, just REALLY not my type :) And becoming really annoying!  Thank you for your thoughtful post, arleigh. 

Just tell him that he is making you a little uncomfortable and let him know you need some space.  That's a good soft pedal.  If that does not work, then you may need to go to your "old way."

Bond

Hhmmmm...I may do just that tonight at Bible study.  We'll see what happens!

Quote from: fassopony on Mon Aug 30, 2010 - 16:23:02
Hhmmmm...I may do just that tonight at Bible study.  We'll see what happens!

Did you?  How'd he take it?  Inquiring minds want to know!   

I didn't go to Bible study last night!  It's kind of a break we have this week, no small groups although some did go last night.  I chickened out.  Bawkbawk.  My friend teaches that class though so she and I can discuss what I missed.

I was kind of cranky anyway, I have decided to lose the smokers weight gain and started boot camp yesterday.  Sheesh was I hungry and sore last night!  Today I am sore but feel pretty darn good :)  More pushups and crunches will make it all better LOL!