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 ::frustrated::I need to get rid of this anger i have towards my x-fiancee...I let it go..then take it back....I sent back my engagement ring to him on the advice ofmy Christian counselor...cause he is passive agressive & sabatoges relationships...with negativism..& criticism...I dont know wy I stll luv him....I want to let it go...he told me hed never date again......noone would be like me...etc.........He wanted me to wait on him to see if he could get rid of the commitment phobia he had....but I was suffering emotionally...cause he withdrew from me....cause he cant let anyone close to him.... & the christian counselor said I'd have an unhappy relationship if I married him....so why am I so angry?  I saw him on a dating site today...that really made me angry...its been 2 months...he said he was looking for a soul mate....althuohg he said hed never luv anyone like he did me.....I feel like he lied to me...he was a fake.......I want to tell him a few things.....his soul mate would be total negative....not like people...& not want a commitment...thaats what I would like to tell him he needs to say he is looking for if he wants a soul mate......I need scripture....to help me....so I can read it a lot...why cant Ilet this go?...I just heard a sermon on this..........luving your enemys.......that have hurt ya...why didnt he fight for me?..I'm hurt & angry I never cry but I've cryed fro 3 days now.....anyone out there...how can I let htis go....your fellow friend in Christ...mindboggled..God bless!

I am so sorry for your hurt and anger. I can totally understand your hurt that he is already on a dating site so soon, but as you know he will be exactly the same with another woman and she will suffer as you have, because he hasnt dealt with his issues.
It will take time to get over this and forgiveness is a process. Keep asking God for help to let it go, but you are grieving for him and that doesnt just go in a couple of months.
It will get better (I know you may not believe that)so be patient with yourself and tell God exactly how you feel ,because He knows anyway and He can take it.
God Bless

Forgive yourself for all the mistakes you made in the relationship and going out with him in the first place. Sounds like he took you on a bit of a journey.

Pain can be pretty excruiating in a break up, but time does heal a lot of wounds. Keep working on the forgiveness. It can take years to forgive some people, but you'll get there eventually if you keep working on it and asking for Gods help and enabling.

Just take it one day or even hour at a time if you need to. The pain will lessen.

 ::cryingtears::Thankyou ..I've been crying for days but maybe thats what i need to ........youre right God will take care of me...I luv you... thankyou!!!!!!God bless you

I think it looks looks it might take one day a t a time.......I'll pray for help...thankyou so much..God bless you!

"'And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.'" (Mark 11:25)

This is not a threat. We are blessed in prayer, so we are appreciating God's forgiveness, and so we want to love others with this forgiveness that comes to us. So, get with God more. What he is doing can get the better of you, because you are still somewhat like you have been and it takes time to become different so this sort of a thing can't get to you.

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." (James 1:19-20)

This is what we all need, by the way. But some of us have already gotten more correction than others. But we all need the same thing. And as you do better, then you can see his need and how we all have been able to fail and be sloppy about real loving, and have compassion on him and others: "He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray, since he himself is also subject to weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)

So, you have found him communicating that he is looking for a soul-mate. In case this is what he really is doing, be glad you have proof that you are making the right choice to get away from him!!! But . . . it is possible he knows you would be able to find his Internet soul-mate search thing, and possibly, for all I know about him and you, he is doing this to play you. I'd say you've made the mistake of checking up on him . . . while you were not ready to deal with the truth. Yes, we should test, instead of trusting blindly and assuming. But be with God, first, so we are ready to discover the real truth about people and be ready with compassion and forgiveness and good example so they can't play us and use us. So, do not assume, just get your attention where it belongs

Likely, you have been making assumptions that got you with him, instead of testing prayerfully and making sure with God. So, now, you might still be making assumptions about him, when instead you need to get your attention where it belongs.

I would be glad to write this a hundred times on the blackboard:

Get your attention where it belongs.

Get your attention where it belongs.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

 ::saint::Yo ::::u are right...I need to get my attention towards God .....I am going to church Sunday night & bible group......so that will help me.....I just want to tell him so many things because i'm mad....but I am just going to have to pray for him & ask God to send me someone who is real..& honest with himself & me....I dont even think my x fiancee knows whats wrong with him...he just knows he has all of these fears....but maybe hes just lying bout that too....this would be so much easier if I didnt give my trust & fall in luv with him....I thought I was going to marry him......Its like a shock ..I cant grasp it ..I feel angry hurt ..I want these feelings to go away ...how long will this take...I feel hurt crushed & betrayed...he didnt fight for me! If I could just get answers to these questions in my head...I think I could get clousure.....I want to let this go!!!I just feel like crying all the time.....& I never cry....I gave my heart to him...I wanted to be one with him in marriage....& I had to let it go...cause I had to face the facts...how can I heal with all this emotion going on inside?

The answer you seek is in the scriptures. This one is most recognizable in the parable of the soils.

Some soils may want to produce crops but simply can't when it comes to the Gospel. The same is true about love filled marriages too.

I know that doesn't ease your pain. But it is a sad reality of the situation.

I see what ya mean.....I dont think my x fiancee wanted to change his ways ...it was to much of an effort for him...if he married me,he would continue to be unhappy & not give in the marriage & he cant let anyone in...hes passive agressive...so he would have continued pushing me away with negativity & hurtful comments to me to keep me from getting to close...so I know the Christian counselor was right in telling me to give the ring back...but it still hurts cause i fell in luv &waited 1 year &. 1/2.....i know there has to be a purpose God let this happen & I'm gonna concentrate on God now to get me through ..thankyou so much ..& God bless you 

Hi mind boggled,
This situation and disappointment is going to hurt. There's no way around it. But there's a way to deal with it, staying with God by FAITH. Comfy said it but I will tell you again. No other way. I believe all of the emotions you are having are natural. Just stay with God, He will love that pain out of you. And, don't rush it.

People say men like your ex can't change. But I'm sorry, I really BEG to differ. However, only by the POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT will the change occur. Your anger will subside one day. Your hurt will go away. How long will it take? I don't know. Everyone is different. But it will happen if you continue to believe, stay in the Word, and live your life for Christ first.

Also, don't stop loving. I believe the devil is a liar and when we go through situations like this, he wants us to stop loving - Become hard and crass - Not allowing anyone else to love you or for you to love anyone else. Keep fighting that evil thing with everything you have because God is love and since God first loved us and we love Him back, we are to love others.  Of course, not just a romantic love toward the opposite sex, but our friends, family, co-workers, and strangers. Pray for your ex, because what he is doing right now is sad. Don't stay mad at him for what he has done; instead start praising God now that you were able to get out of this mess!!

- May you be blessed and press on.

Stefanie

 ::saint::I love what you said....God will luv the pain out of you...how cute & how true....when I read the bible verses bout his love for us & how he forgives us...since he is perfect & hates sin.....I try to realize i need to luv others also cause he loves & frogives me.....I'm coming closer to that place....lots of crying last week & a message bout frogiveness...& I remember the verse bout removing the board out of our eye before removing a spinter from your brother....& anger isnt luv its hate......unless its righteous anger....some of mine is ...some of it isnt...I'm mad at him also..sometimes that he didnt fight at trying to change instead of just giving up & not e-mailing me or calling me lke I told him not to.....it makes me feel like he lied ...that he didnt luv me like he claims....on the other hand its a blessing in disquise unless he changed with Gods help....which evidently he wasnt willing to let happen....i feel very blessed with this site ...so many kind Christians ..thanks for helping....God bless you 

When you give over your heart to someone, it will take time. Think about it. Your very heart. I did this, and it took me a long time to get over him, because he had my heart. He had a part of me, so getting it back will take time....as, in a way, we let them have something (our hearts) that should have only been given to God.

God is totally trustworthy to hold our hearts....yet, you and I both gave our hearts over to someone who didn't keep them safe.......................so, it took time for me to get my heart back and it will take time for you I would imagine.

SO, give yourself time to heal and learn from this experience....

Prov. 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for out of it flow the issues of life."


Prov. 19:8 "To aquire wisdom is to love oneself; people who cherish understanding will prosper."


I encourage you to read Proverbs....read with a prayerful, open heart....then God will give you more wisdom for this time....

Ela, thank you for your input,
I had gone through great distress when my wife left, You know all the stuff people go through , and after the dust settles you know both hearts are hurting and asking one's self ,"what could I have done differently to prevent this?"
  Disapointments went back 35 years, but we stayed together for the kids sake. Still n ot devorced , we don't believe in it,  but seperated 10 years. If I am angry it is in my own failure to listen to God from the beginning, romance clouds the mind. no one listens .
  I could play the blame game but all in all I am responsible to seek out God's will before doing anything, I got anxious, and I know it  .
  But for the way things are now it is best, She is happy and independent , and i am free to spend time witnessing and working with others. there is no compitition for my interest .
  i do not look for nor need another relationship, that would defy the value of this position.
It was not my plan but it is how things worked out .

 ::angel::I I went to my counselor today...talked bout the 2 men I dated...one wants to be serious...they are both nice.....my counselor asked me if I missed my fiancee..I said no why should I hes a creep...& I could verily get the words out...the tears flowed.....I couldnt fix him....only God can..& he isnt letting him.....so I guess I have to let God heal me too....why do I still luv him...& whats wrong with him...he luved me he could have had everythiing......he still wasnt a happy person...always bringing the relationship down with his fears & just bringing life down in general....I just cant understand at alll.....I was looking at pictures on my camera & he was in some....I dont think I've ever saw an unhappier person in my life..yet he had everything...a woman that luved him...that he luved ...nice daughters good job...& all he could do was think of what ifs that could go wrong if we married...if his job took a turn for worse...if he didnt like the new house or neighbors hed have.....just anything & everything that could possibly go wrong with anything......he is pathetic...& he seems to want to stay that way....I'll never understand....I felt sorry for him till I saw him on a dating site...he said we will start with an interview...then get coke ....etc. if we hit itoff...if not oh well!...he stated his life was work house yard ....it hurt me cause he said he never would date again....but I did edit him out of a picture & put it on the site before he put his pic. on....now I hid my profile...I just need some time for God to heal me....you are right...when I give my heart I give it all the way...so its broke right now...appreciate your prayers ..God Bless you!(thanks for sharing your experiences with me that helped

I have given God anger  or  not being able to forgive one step at a time
Faithlady

You are saying you were so hung up on him. I would say that is not the way to let ourselves become about anyone. A humble person, I understand, does not want you to get hooked on him, but to be equal with him and enjoy sharing.