Christian Forums

I have a (i think) psychological problem that i need help with.

There is a lot of back story to this but i'll just fill you in on the details. I'm in my 20's, unmarried and have been dating a girl for 8 months. We are both christian and are waiting till we get married to have sex.
2 months ago when i was in my car, i got an erection, but i actually got the feeling like i was going to ejaculate, so i had to grit my teeth and try to get rid of it. The erection went away but the feeling of ejaculating kind of stayed. I have struggled with this for a while now, but i think i have overthought it all. Anyway, the point is, now i feel like i am very sensitive to anything sexual.

If i watch something that has any kind of mild sexual content or sexual language, i worry that i'm going to get aroused and then ejaculate without any stimulation.
Now, i'm not saying that i'm watching pornography or something really sexual, i mean PG shows that might have a couple kissing or something, and then that triggers something in my head that says "oh, that's sexual" and then i worry about getting aroused, because i feel like if i get aroused, i might ejaculate.

Now, obviously this happens moreso when i'm out in public or with my girlfriend. If we are watching a movie or tv show with mild sexual content, i will be afraid i'll get aroused.
And, likewise, when we are kissing, holding hands, hugging or if there's even very minor touching, i'll worry that i will get aroused and ejaculate.

We do make out a little bit when we say goodbye, and that gives me an erection, but when we're kissing and i'm getting an erection, i get the feeling(and it's probably overthinking) that if i get too aroused, or get a full erection, i will just ejaculate.

Is there any logic to this at all? Am i way overthinking it? I never had this problem with her in our first few months of dating, yet we would still kiss and hug and all that normal stuff. I would get an erection, but i wouldn't worry about ejaculating because i didn't think that was really possible like that. But now i'm worried that because i'm worried about it it's going to happen, which makes me feel like it's making it worse.

Bottom line is, i can't seem to differentiate anymore the feeling of very very mild arousal, compared to ejaculating. I worry now that everytime i get minorly aroused, i will ejaculate. Can anybody help?
P.S. I have told my girlfriend about this(very difficult conversation) and she was 100% supportive and helpful and she understood. That helped, but i still get this feeling. She said that if it did happen she would be totally understanding and not make me feel bad about it. Again, that does make me feel better about it, but i'm still concerned about it.
Anybody have any help that is actually helpful and constructive?

Quote from: kamikaze on Thu Nov 25, 2010 - 00:24:23
I have a (i think) psychological problem that i need help with.

There is a lot of back story to this but i'll just fill you in on the details. I'm in my 20's, unmarried and have been dating a girl for 8 months. We are both christian and are waiting till we get married to have sex.
2 months ago when i was in my car, i got an erection, but i actually got the feeling like i was going to ejaculate, so i had to grit my teeth and try to get rid of it. The erection went away but the feeling of ejaculating kind of stayed. I have struggled with this for a while now, but i think i have overthought it all. Anyway, the point is, now i feel like i am very sensitive to anything sexual.

If i watch something that has any kind of mild sexual content or sexual language, i worry that i'm going to get aroused and then ejaculate without any stimulation.
Now, i'm not saying that i'm watching pornography or something really sexual, i mean PG shows that might have a couple kissing or something, and then that triggers something in my head that says "oh, that's sexual" and then i worry about getting aroused, because i feel like if i get aroused, i might ejaculate.

Now, obviously this happens moreso when i'm out in public or with my girlfriend. If we are watching a movie or tv show with mild sexual content, i will be afraid i'll get aroused.
And, likewise, when we are kissing, holding hands, hugging or if there's even very minor touching, i'll worry that i will get aroused and ejaculate.

We do make out a little bit when we say goodbye, and that gives me an erection, but when we're kissing and i'm getting an erection, i get the feeling(and it's probably overthinking) that if i get too aroused, or get a full erection, i will just ejaculate.

Is there any logic to this at all? Am i way overthinking it? I never had this problem with her in our first few months of dating, yet we would still kiss and hug and all that normal stuff. I would get an erection, but i wouldn't worry about ejaculating because i didn't think that was really possible like that. But now i'm worried that because i'm worried about it it's going to happen, which makes me feel like it's making it worse.

Bottom line is, i can't seem to differentiate anymore the feeling of very very mild arousal, compared to ejaculating. I worry now that everytime i get minorly aroused, i will ejaculate. Can anybody help?
P.S. I have told my girlfriend about this(very difficult conversation) and she was 100% supportive and helpful and she understood. That helped, but i still get this feeling. She said that if it did happen she would be totally understanding and not make me feel bad about it. Again, that does make me feel better about it, but i'm still concerned about it.
Anybody have any help that is actually helpful and constructive?

Yeah, if any man gets too aroused, he will ultimately ejaculate. That's the nature of male sexuality.
It is not actual intercourse alone that effects climax. Heavy petting can do that.

You need to seriously examine marriage. It is without question, the most effective cure-all for your "problem." That institution will quickly negate your worrying. 

canuck

ok, I am going to assume you are not a group of college kids who are bored writing in to Dear Abby.

some options:

1. Jesus said "gouge out your eyes ..."  -- so at the very least, get serious.   

2. nurses who have to bathe male patients solve this problem by viciously thumping the aroused part!   

3. you and your girl need to scale it back to G-rated activity?   

4. marriage is good fire prevention, according to Paul.   

5. wait a few years and the problem will abate.   

now, pray more and play less.

Quote from: JERRY C on Thu Nov 25, 2010 - 20:44:12
ok, I am going to assume you are not a group of college kids who are bored writing in to Dear Abby.

Ditto.....


(Didn't we just have a "question" like this?)


IMHO, you EITHER have an incredibly extreme case of premature ejaculation (call a Doctor) or you are confusing being sexually aroused (happens - as we've all known since we were 10) with some "feeling" that you'll ejaculate.   That you get an erection easily and not necessarily when wanted or needed is largely a function of your age (you've been living with this reality since puberty - you should be okay with it BY NOW) - don't sweat, it will all balance out at the other end of your life....




No; do NOT discuss this with your girlfriend.  If the first is the case, discuss it with your doctor.  If the second is the case, forget it.

WHY do some guys think they should tell their g/f EVERYTHING?   Watching too many chick flicks, maybe?

Look, your girlfriend has known since she was 10 that guys get erections - sometimes when not intended or wanted.  Do you NEED to remind her of this?  Why?   Really?

Now, IF you were married (or sexually active with her) and having EXTREME premature ejaculations, she'd know it.  You wouldn't NEED to tell her (she'd be more likely to tell you, lol).  You could THEN discuss what to do about that (see my first bit of advise) but that's not your situation





.

You may need to visit with a doctor, possibly one who specializes in psychiatry.  Your problem sounds quite serious.

Best wishes.