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i have guys friends who confide in me.  their ways of living aren't like mine, but i don't judge them, that's why we are friends.  they love that i respect myself and not like other girls. my problem is with the guys who are interested in me for more than friendship.  their way of thinking is this:  come to my house, try to spend the night, see nothing wrong in sex after a month of knowing me, and after that month, ready to move in so they can see how it is to live with me to make the decision to further our 'relationship'.   i made that mistake as a teenager, and it was a disaster. moving fast isn't for me. my thoughts of sex and marriage are TOTALLY  different than then.  guys look at this as being 'old timey'.  they wouldn't wanna be stuck with someone they haven't had the chance to live with.  i believe all that should happen AFTER marriage, because if you love me enough to committ to me, then it doesn't matter about all that other stuff. a guy recently told me that he broke up with his children's mother because she didn't let the water out of the tub, which he viewed as discusting.   he said he didn't wanna marry someone w/out the chance to see how they live and be stuck with someone nasty.

how do i defend what i stand on w/out seeming judgemental or 'old timey'?  i ask people what would they tell their daughters if a guy approached them the same way they approach me?  and the standard would be different! 

I think you have stated well enough here...no religiousness to it or false pretense stance.

If they can't stand for that tell them you weren't interested in dating them. Friendship is one thing...but dating and potential marriage is a whole nother subject.

It isn't all that uncommon. I have standards in dating for myself. NO nurses or schoolteachers or lawyers for me. I have a good number of them as my friends and some really good friends but that doesn't mean that I or they are interested in dating whatsoever. Just a taste thing...

Simply explain it to them the same way as you have stated and chalk it up to taste. Tell those guys that they want you simply because they can't have you...and you understand that but still the answer is "NO"

Quote from: nightowl on Tue Dec 28, 2010 - 15:31:15
how do i defend what i stand on w/out seeming judgemental or 'old timey'?  i ask people what would they tell their daughters if a guy approached them the same way they approach me?  and the standard would be different! 

Something i'm seeing here is that you shouldn't worry about what every tom,dick and harry think about you. The people with character are the ones  you should be modeling. One of my weaknesses is a codependent people pleaser.