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OK so I have a huge problem. I have been the last couple of yrs bouncing around trying to get myself strait with god and on the other hand trying to let go of sexual addiction. I have a problem of going out to bars and picking up girls to make out with, have short term relations and have sex with.  This is not even the worst of it. On not one or two but three seperate occasions I have paid for sex. Not with a 'prositute' but strippers in another country...which I know is not any different really. I feel awful about it and everytime I have done it I have promised myself never to do it again. The one main culpret in all of this has been alcohol and my inability to control myself when on it. Also I have a hard time finding a real girlfriend and it is what I want more than anything else. I want to get married and have kids and be a normal person. I am scared at times that god wont forgive...I pray and pray all the time.  It started when my first girlfriend rejected me and cheated on me. My view of women has never been good. I never have trusted them or thought they were of good nature. I also have not had really any good friends. I went through some tremendouly painful times because of my lack of healthy relationships and distrust of others.  Ialso had a time period where I didnt believe in god and drank a lot of alcohol and wanted to kill myself on several occasions. I feel awful. I know I cant use these as excuses anymore and need to take responsibility for my actions. I want to walk to right path and put this sinly behavior behind me.  I need help. God has fixed me in many areas of my life but this one has been my worst. I see other posts on here worrying about looking at porn and it makes me feel so bad about how bad i have been. I have never cheated on a girl so at least i feel ok about that.

In reality I live a double life...or have been. I am in the military and do a lot of selfless things. I do volunteer work, I treat everyone with respect and help build the furture of the military. I have recieved many awards and early promotions as well. But then on my own time, I have no real  friends. I drink and pick up on women. It receantly really hit me to how bad this and how much it is costing me. Spritually, financially...it is eroding away at my soul. I have been looking to fill that void of lonliness and painfullness the wrong way. I even admit now in this confession that I have read book on how to pick up women. The certain things to say and act. I can see that would be ok if it was a genuine thing for a long term realtionship that could lead to marriage..but for me it has always been the short term because I never trust women and have been lost in the lust and sex has been the only form of intimacy for me. It is horrible, I am never happy and want to be like everyone else with healthy realtions. Joining the military was the best thing that I ever did and was a godsend and as helped me eliminate other bad behaviors of the past but this one has been the worst. I think now comeing out and actually talking to others about it will help me tremendously. I am going to continue to pray and focus on stopping this behavior.

Acts 3:19 - "Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out";

2 Chronicles 7:14 - "if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."

Ezekiel 18:21-22 - 21"But if a wicked person turns away from all his sins that he has committed and keeps all my statutes and does what is just and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die.
22 None of the transgressions that he has committed shall be remembered against him; for the righteousness that he has done he shall live."

Brother ... would you not agree ... the scripture is clear on this point ... you need to decide, once and for all ... which path you will walk ... the path of redemption, or the path of damnation ... it's up to you ...

The fact that you chose to post here shows that you are at least aware of this need ... the question now is, what will you do about it?

Until you allow CHRIST into your life ... and your heart ... nothing will change

As long as you chose not to turn from your past ways, GOD will allow you to reap the fruits of your failings ... HE wants you to give yourself over to HIM ... allow HIM to lead you ... to guide you ... to show you the way ... HIS WAY ... so that you may be redeemed and return to HIM ...

But the choice is yours to make ... continue on the path you've been on ... or choose a new path ... a new life ... and a new future, as a committed follower of CHRIST ... it will not be easy ... think boot camp, but with much greater consequences at stake ...

And this decision must be an "all-or-nothing" decision ... you're either "all in" in committing your life to CHRIST ... or you're not ... there can be no half-hearted effort here ...

Put down the bottle, and get yourself straight ... the life you've been leading has left you empty, jaded and unsatisfied, has it not ... so why not seek a new life ... a new way ... after all, what else do you have to lose ...

I went through a period ... 27 years ago ... when I was single, living in my own ... and very lonely ... where I sought comfort in drugs ... so I can relate to your struggle ... and after 3 years of this kind of "life", I realized that I had nothing to show for it ... I was still lonely ... and I was 3 years older ... I realized that I had wasted 3 years of my life ... gone, never to get them back ...

So I quit ... I gave all of my "stuff" away ... no more "tokes" ... no more late night gatherings at my apartment for "nose candy" ... I dumped it all ...

And, once I did all of that ... a beautiful young woman entered my life ... and within 18 months, we were married ... of course, I lived in Florida and she lived in Indiana ... so the logistics needed to be worked out ... but the point is, as long as I was willing to live a destructive lifestyle ... GOD was not going to allow me to ruin her life, as well as my own ... if I wanted to make a mess of myself, that was one thing ... but not her as well ...

So you have a choice ... you can continue the way things are ... and expect little to change ...

Or you can see things for the way they are, admit to yourself ... and to GOD ... that you need to change ... and invite CHRIST into your life ... accepting that you can't do it anymore ... without HIM ... and let it all go ... when we decide to stop "tinkering" with our lives, and let HIM do the work ... what HE can build within us is AWESOME !!!

Today ... find a church ... and start going ... find a Bible Study Group, and get into HIS WORD ... and find another mail Christian who can be your accountability partner ... someone who can keep you focused ... and hold your "feet to the fire" when you are weak ...

Please, Brother ... it's not to late ... and you can do this ... because HE will give you the tools to succeed ...

May GOD reveal HIMSELF to you today, in an unmistakable and undeniable way ...

Brother ... one more thought ...

Romans 6:12-14 (AB)

12Let not sin therefore rule as king in your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies, to make you yield to its cravings and be subject to its lusts and evil passions.

13Do not continue offering or yielding your bodily members [and [a]faculties] to sin as instruments (tools) of wickedness. But offer and yield yourselves to God as though you have been raised from the dead to [perpetual] life, and your bodily members [and faculties] to God, presenting them as implements of righteousness.

14For sin shall not [any longer] exert dominion over you, since now you are not under Law [as slaves], but under grace [as subjects of God's favor and mercy].

When you mentioned alcohol you got to the root of the problem.
If you stop drinking you will find the control you lack. Stay out of bars and drink other things socially. You will be amazed at your improvement mentally and health wise. Take it one day at a time. Once you're out of those situations you will look back and realize what a factor the alcohol had on your decisions.
I know.

You'll find and develop a healthy awesome sex life with a solid virtuous women.