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I met a guy a couple of years ago and we've been very close ever since. I'm 23 and he's 25. Both of our parents are ministers and we related to the pressure that comes from being a child of someone who is often in the spotlight. However, when I first met him I was more of a lukewarm Christian, only going to church because my parents expected me to but not for my own personal enjoyment. Upon meeting him however, I was able to see his love of God and that made me want to build my own personal relationship with the Lord. As a result, I recommited my life and began seeking God wholeheartedly. My friend began showing interest in me. He invited me to all of his events (he's a minister/singer) and we talked all day through texts and calls about God and certain things that were expected in our ideal relationships (General conversation, not aimed at one another) However, I later realized that I hadn't guarded my heart properly. His actions and words showed that he was considering whether or not we should date and pursue a relationship and was going to God about it. (Later finding out a few girls were feeling the same way about him and he was also giving them "signs" of pursuit) A few months back, he showed up with a female at church. He refused to admit they were dating for quite some time. (He's an incredibly private person but I felt that's something he should've told me since we've been such close friends and considering all we've talked about) Later I found out they were in fact officially dating and are quite serious and pursuing marriage and it was like a blow in my stomach. I now have this bitterness and anger towards him that I'm ashamed of and have been hiding. It's so confusing how I can care so much about him as a friend but also can be so angry with him. It consumes my mind alot of the time and I can't get rid of the bitterness towards him or his female friend. I had allowed my heart to get involved resulting in getting heart broken. And now I don't know what I should do. Bitterness and anger is not of God and no matter how much I try to ignore it, everytime I see him it's there. I don't want to allow this situation to taint my spirit and have control over my mind and emotions. What was once a huge blessing, has turned into a hinderance and I don't want impurity in my heart. I want to genuinely desire to see him prosper and happy but bitterness is keeping me from releasing him and moving on. He doesn't know I feel this way and he's been such a great friend, always lending his ear and advice and being supportive to me. But even with that, I still have been hiding anger, sadness and rejection. Any advice would be appreciated.

I hope this helps.

http://www.gracecentered.com/christian_forums/general-discussion/forgiveness-33446/

Forgiveness is the best herbicide against bitter roots. Use some for yourself & him alike.

Well, it sounds like he was not being honest, if he was not admitting to what was going on. And ones can act very supportive and giving advice, even while they are capable of being dishonest. A culturally raised child can seem to be a Christian . . . copy-cat how to tone the voice like those who are socially accepted in a church, be a good listener, give the advice he or she has heard others give - - - copy-catting . . . getting some camouflage to put on . . . so one blends in.

So, if you could be fooled by him, I'd say number one is we need to check our own selves out about how we could fool our own selves into buying what is not real. I'm "betting" that if a dishonest person can show you something that you want, then what you want is not good enough for you . . . if a faker can show it to you: it is only a vain thing . . . surface stuff that can be acted, and not really in a person's character.

I keep reading about ones who fall for people who are fake. Those fakers can not possibly be showing anything that has to do with real love, I offer. So, we need, ourselves, to become able to tell the difference . . . so we stop fooling our own selves into falling for fake stuff.

So, I would say "forgiving" him might not be the number-one thing we really need to do, though we need to forgive. I need to submit to God, for His correction, so I get really into His love with ability to tell the difference between the fakers and His real people > "And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment." (Philippians 1:9)

Quote from: comfy on Tue Feb 22, 2011 - 23:00:25

So, if you could be fooled by him, I'd say number one is we need to check our own selves out about how we could fool our own selves into buying what is not real.

You are very blunt and honest and I appreciate that because I'm the same way. I totally agree with alot that you said, specifically the quote above. I guess alot of my bitterness comes from feeling manipulated because I was a "baby in the spirit." Although I know better now, I didn't at that time which is what makes me angry because I felt like he did. However I wouldn't say he's a fake or copy cat. Although he's a Christian,  he's human and has issues just like the rest of us and that specific area is obviously something he struggles with. I'm not playing the blame game. As I stated above, I didn't guard my heart properly and alot of that had to do with my lack of understanding at that time & I take responsibility for that. My discernment has matured since and I am guarding my heart from any man until God instructs me to give it away. At this point, I'm trying to forgive and move on. Thank you for the advice! God bless!

WOW . . . I usually have not been that "blunt". But I see you can handle it.

I think you are showing very good maturity, and sharing what can help me not to be so hasty to put people totally in the unsaved or the totally mature category.

That can be very gory! to do that, but I still tend to judge people all the way, one way or the other.

So, with your understanding growing, you can be a good helpmate for someone so you can help him grow while you grow with him. Glory to You, God . . .

Alright, you've been hurt. Some amount of anger is expected.

But, it's time to put on our big girl panties and decide who we want to be. If you plan on going through life letting others determine your emotional state, you will be in counseling for a very long time.

Decide to let it go. Pray for them that they will be blessed and happy together - and mean it.

Who are you? Who do you want to be? Live that way.

You can release your bitterness by making a decision to do so.

Quote from: stevehut on Tue Mar 15, 2011 - 21:00:04
You can release your bitterness by making a decision to do so.

Yup. Maybe not overnight but, yup.

Hi Lovingjc,
I'm sorry you had to go through that, it happens, and to many of us it happens a lot!  God teaches us and makes us stronger but it does hurt ~ growing up and going "through" life can hurt but with each step we are molded how God wants us to be.  God knew this would happen so maybe try to view it as a learning step for something God has for you later, OR, maybe he will use this so you can help someone else later?!  God loves you very much, and wants to teach you things you will need as you age ~ sometimes we will not know why till later, and sometimes never at all but you must trust Him.

Now, a bit of advice my older brother (RIP 6/15/09 I miss him terribly) use to say when he lost a girlfriend.....

NEXT!