The Narrow way in being a single Christian

[starla]

As a Child of God, it is really difficult for me to not date non christians because that's whom I get the attention from mostly.Why is it that I can't  get a brother in Christ for to be interested in me?It's always the non christian male whom find me attrative and want to pursue a relationship. I wish that the tables were turned. Does anybody go thru the same thing of the lack christian mates in the church? 

[spurly]

I have made a decision not to date anyone who is not a Christian, even if I am attracted to them.  So I don't have the problem you are mentioning.

[Triad 1028]

Look, I'll be honest. I really don't see that big of a deal in not dating a Christian.

My girlfriend is not a Christian. In fact, she just so happens to be an atheist. I mean, sure I don't particularly agree with her choice of belief. But it's just that, a belief.

We've already discussed our different religious beliefs and agreed to not let them interfere with our relationship. You can't let something like beliefs turn you away from someone you love.

We've been going out for almost a year and a half now, and I love her more than anything. And she is by far the most loyal and honest person I have ever met in my life.

[Bon Voyage]

I am not single, and my wife was not an athiest when we met, but we had religious differences.

And after all the newness has worn off, you will find yourself with problems with different religious beliefs.

[Triad 1028]

Actually, no. We've both already solemnly agreed to not interfere with each others religious beliefs as long as our practices don't inflict upon our relationship in any way.

[Bon Voyage]

What if you get married and have kids?

[Triad 1028]

What about it?

Neither of us is going to press our kids into going to church until their old enough to decide what they believe on their own.

She believes that young kids should most definately not be pressed into going to church, simply because if they do they'll feel obligated to follow that religion blindly without having had a chance to experience any other religions or beliefs on their own.

The prospect of hell in Christian belief may instill a certain amount of fear in the child, restricting them from opening up to other ideas or beliefs.

[spurly]

Triad, are you letting love blind you to God's will for marriage and family?  You know, bringing up kids in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  Talking about the things of God wherever you go and whatever you do since he is by far first and foremost in your life?

[boringoldguy]

What about it?

Neither of us is going to press our kids into going to church until their old enough to decide what they believe on their own.

She believes that young kids should most definately not be pressed into going to church, simply because if they do they'll feel obligated to follow that religion blindly without having had a chance to experience any other religions or beliefs on their own.

The prospect of hell in Christian belief may instill a certain amount of fear in the child, restricting them from opening up to other ideas or beliefs.

This is wrong in so many ways it's hard to count them.

First of all,  it's just fatuous to say that neither one of you is going to try to influence your kids.
They're not going to live in a vaccum.  By saying that you'll just leave it up to them to decide when they get old enough,  what you've really done is decided that her beliefs will control for the first however many years.    So somebody is going to be influencing them and it ain't gonna be you.

Secondly -  tell me what other important decisions you intend to leave up to your kids?
Whether to bathe?   Go to school?  Brush their teeth?   Eat their vegetables?
No responsible parent would leave something important up to their kids and not try to influence them.     So if you're not going to try to direct their religious formation,  either:

a.   You don't really think it's important; or
b.   You're irresponsible.

Sorry to be blunt,  but the statement I quoted is just moronic.

[Triad 1028]

Moronic how?

Having religious beliefs doesn't affect your direct life. Going to school, brushing their teeth, and eating their vegetables are acts that will objectively change their present lives.

Especially, in dealing with religion. It would be too early for them to comprehend such concepts and beliefs at such an age. I'd rather wait until they're old enough to fully understand the full extent of religious beliefs.

Going to school, brushing your teeth, and eating vegetables aren't issues that require much second thought or spiritual consideration.

[boringoldguy]

Having religious beliefs doesn't affect your direct life.

If it doesn't then they aren't worth having.

I think you'd be better off turning heathen with your girlfriend than being a Christian with beliefs that don't affect your direct life.

[Triad 1028]

As I've already mentioned in my introduction topic, I am seeming to become less and less religious as time progresses.

After the perspectives I've been hearing, I can't help but see where they're coming from. Frankly, they just seem to make more sense to me. And the funny thing about it is, most of the atheists I know are actually nicer than most Christians I know. I hate to say it, but it's true.

Anyways though, I would like for my children to have the same beliefs as me. But I don't want to be one to make them feel obligated into accepting it. And I just want them to really decide for themselves what they believe in, once they've undergone a certain maturation to where they can give it true consideration.

I want for them to come to religion when they feel they're ready.

[starla]

2 Corinthians 2:14-18
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.  For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
         "I will dwell in them
          And walk among them.
           I will be their God,
          And they shall be my people."

17 Therefore

        "Come out from among them
          And be separate,says the Lord.
          Do not touch what is unclean,
          And I will receive you."
18     "I will be a Father to you,
          And you shall be my sons and daughters,
          Says the LORD Almighty." 

[Triad 1028]

Okay, great.

Doesn't change the fact that they would be too young to give something such as religious belief any true consideration.

[janine]

Neither are they old enough to give bathing or going to school or taking their medicine when they are sick anything like an adult's consideration.

You're not asking a 2-year-old to give you his deep thoughts on monotheism versus polytheism or how many angels can dance on a pinhead. 

If your faith in your god is not important enough to joyfully share it with your children as early and as often as their drink their mother's milk,  then it is. not. important.

Either that or your god is a fluttery little milquetoast of a shade without the power to lick a postage stamp.

[djcasp]

Okay, great.

Doesn't change the fact that they would be too young to give something such as religious belief any true consideration.

Your children are going to be influenced by what you do or don't do. Your not "forcing" them to go to church is going to influence them - daddy's  faith must not be important. By choosing not to have them experience your religion your wife to be has already done the influencing.

She believes that young kids should most definately not be pressed into going to church, simply because if they do they'll feel obligated to follow that religion blindly without having had a chance to experience any other religions or beliefs on their own.

Here is a little titbit for ya.  Taking your children to church doesn't obligate them to anything. When they are old enough they will still choose for themselves and you may or may not like that choice.

[Lee Freeman]

Triad, I have to agree with everybody else. Without wanting to sound preachy, your faith should impact every facet of your life. If it doesn't something's wrong.

Pax.

[starla]

To Triad 1028

Why be in a relationship with somebody who is not on the same level spiritually as you are? To my understanding the purpose of a spiritual compatible realationship should be is that both partners help each other in getting to Heaven. To be upfront, Is your partner helping you in getting to Heaven?Just a thought.

[EruditeJoy]

As a Child of God, it is really difficult for me to not date non christians because that's whom I get the attention from mostly.Why is it that I can't  get a brother in Christ for to be interested in me?It's always the non christian male whom find me attrative and want to pursue a relationship. I wish that the tables were turned. Does anybody go thru the same thing of the lack christian mates in the church? 

Boy I can relate to this.  I am frequently asked out by non-christian men.  The last time a Christian man asked me out......  ............ almost a year???  Maybe more.  Wow.  Long time to go without a single date.

Occassionaly, I find myself double checking the mirror to be sure that I don't have an extra head on my shoulders....or that third eye that I've been overlooking.

[spurly]

Occassionaly, I find myself double checking the mirror to be sure that I don't have an extra head on my shoulders....or that third eye that I've been overlooking.

[starla]

To EruditeJoy

Hello. How do you deal with non christians asking you out? Is is maybe date him for the possibility of bringing him to Christ like God sending you somebody for salvation of soul or non christian men are off limits period. 

[Triad 1028]

Egh, look, I'll be honest.

I'm only 16, and I am an atheist. I don't have a wife, but I do have a girlfriend who I've been with for a year and three months. She is actually a Christian, but only loosely. She's still in the spiritual searching phase. You know how it is.

Anyhow, I can understand most of the things you say about influencing your children with your own religious beliefs, and then allowing them to believe what they choose when they're old enough to give the matter true thought and consideration. However, me, actually being an atheist, am not going to be much of an influence on them. I won't tell them that there is no god, but if they ask what I believe then I will tell them exactly what I believe.

Anyways, sorry for leading all of you under the false assumption that I am a Christian. I merely wanted a chance to converse with other Christians and have a chance to see different points of views on certain subjects.

So, thank you.

[marc]

Egh, look, I'll be honest.

I'm only 16, and I am an atheist. I don't have a wife, but I do have a girlfriend who I've been with for a year and three months. She is actually a Christian, but only loosely. She's still in the spiritual searching phase. You know how it is.

Anyhow, I can understand most of the things you say about influencing your children with your own religious beliefs, and then allowing them to believe what they choose when they're old enough to give the matter true thought and consideration. However, me, actually being an atheist, am not going to be much of an influence on them. I won't tell them that there is no god, but if they ask what I believe then I will tell them exactly what I believe.

Anyways, sorry for leading all of you under the false assumption that I am a Christian. I merely wanted a chance to converse with other Christians and have a chance to see different points of views on certain subjects.

So, thank you.

Well, that explains the nonsense about Christianity not directly affecting your life, like brushing your teeth does.

I didn't have any idea how to respond to that, since it seemed to be so off-base.  Knowing the person who wrote it wasn't a believer makes it easier to understand.

[DCR]

As a Child of God, it is really difficult for me to not date non christians because that's whom I get the attention from mostly.Why is it that I can't  get a brother in Christ for to be interested in me?It's always the non christian male whom find me attrative and want to pursue a relationship. I wish that the tables were turned. Does anybody go thru the same thing of the lack christian mates in the church? 

Just a thought from the single Christian male perspective... could it be that a lot of Christian guys tend to be more inhibitive than non-Christians?  Church isn't always an easy place to meet prospects... perhaps because of certain social dynamics in place.  Also, a lot of guys are not comfortable approaching the girl unless he can tell that she likes him.  Not all men are aggressive.  But, maybe that's just low self-esteem talking.

In spite of the fact that we're supposedly in the era when men and women have equal roles, men still seem to be in the role where they are expected to do the pursuing, not women.  That can be very difficult for men who are non-aggressive by nature.  It seems that girls can afford to be a little shy as long as she has the looks going for her.  But, shyness is a hard road to travel for single guys.

As far as the Christian vs. non-Christian thing... I've experienced some of the same thing.  There have been times when I received a whole lot more attention from women at work than from girls I might have been interested in at church.  But, for me, it's not even a question.  If I'm going to spend the rest of my life with someone and possibly raise a family with this person, then we have to be on the same team... sit on the same pew together on Sunday morning, etc.

[EruditeJoy]

I wonder if, as Christian singles, we attach a immense amount of expectation on what could simply be a fun time getting to know someone! 

In the back of our minds, we're thinking: "Does he/she like me?  Could she be 'the ONE' "  "Are her hips wide enough to bear childen???" (kidding!)  If we do ask ourselves these questions, should not the answer be, "Who cares?  I'm going out to have a good time and to make friends."

Would we ask ourselves the same question if we met an interesting person of the same sex who seems interesting to us and whom we would like to know?  Would there be the same amount of trepidation for a mere coffee meetup, then???  Probably not. 

Perhaps we should just relax.  If we are sensitive to God's leading, then we are free to open up and have fun regardless what the future may or may not hold for our new friend-in-the-making.

Thought you all might find this article interesting.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/singles/newsletter/


Edited for atrocious spelling.

[EruditeJoy]

To EruditeJoy

Hello. How do you deal with non christians asking you out? Is is maybe date him for the possibility of bringing him to Christ like God sending you somebody for salvation of soul or non christian men are off limits period. 

Hi, Darla,

I've always heard this type of dating called "missionary dating".  Dating a non-believer with the hope that, one day, he will come to Christ is occassionally successful, but it is risky business, indeed.  What is more likely to happen is that the believer will have their focus turned away from God. 

Besides, what will it be like to want to share a wonderful new epiphany you've just had about your relationship to Christ to someone who will smile, listen curteously (sometimes) and say, "Gee that's great.....for you."  By nature, though they may try, they simply cannot understand and truly share your joy because they do not have the Spirit.  There can be no true fellowship.  At least, not in the most important area of your life. 

It seems like a painful dead end, to me.

[Bon Voyage]

Maybe some singles could meet right here on GCM, wink wink.

[EruditeJoy]

Maybe some singles could meet right here on GCM, wink wink.

Somthing in your eye there, Gary?   

[Bon Voyage]

Maybe some singles could meet right here on GCM, wink wink.

Somthing in your eye there, Gary?   

I am married, but maybe some GCM singles could meet and greet. 

[EruditeJoy]

Maybe some singles could meet right here on GCM, wink wink.

Somthing in your eye there, Gary?   

I am married, but maybe some GCM singles could meet and greet. 

   I know THAT!  I know what you were insinuating; I just decided it would be fun to give you a difficult time about it. 

[kalen]

Hey, EJ, I know this single guy, really cute.  I could fix you up....

lol


Seriously, you don't have a third head -- from the looks of your picture, you're a beautiful woman (unless that's a picture of only your second head).  :o)

[Bon Voyage]

We need more single women posters and Lee could help setup a Singles of GCM Meet and Greet.

Could even be in Nashville.  Not to far from WV, Alabama, or Ohio.  Not to mention, close for those folks right in Tennessee.

[EruditeJoy]

We need more single women posters and Lee could help setup a Singles of GCM Meet and Greet.

Could even be in Nashville.  Not to far from WV, Alabama, or Ohio.  Not to mention, close for those folks right in Tennessee.

Oh for the love of PETE, Gary!   lol

[EruditeJoy]

Hey, EJ, I know this single guy, really cute.  I could fix you up....

lol


Seriously, you don't have a third head -- from the looks of your picture, you're a beautiful woman (unless that's a picture of only your second head).  :o)

Actually, Kalen, the picture is of my first head.  The other two weren't awake yet.

[janine]

Multiple heads can be fun.  Always someone to talk to.

Lee Admin has a Christian Singles site ya know.  Folks could set up meetings thru that, yes? -- a bunch of folks getting together for coffe or something, you know?