Dont know what to do anymore

[onefaith]

hello all i wanted to ask you advice about my current situation. i have been with my fiance for about 2 yrs now he and i are both christians although i don't think he has a personal relationship with god. for the most part everything is great between us. he treats me really good and my kids love him alot although he isn't their father. over the past 2 yrs he has done so much for both me and my kids and he and i get along very well. the problem here is that he has a drinking problem. he often drinks like every couple of days but has to have at least 10 or more beers. now when he drinks he doesn't become violent or abusive but i just don't like the fact that he does it. i think it has control over his life. me myself coming from a alcoholic home i know what effects it can do to everyone involved.
he also thinks its fine to smoke marijuana once in a blue moon and i disagree with that as well. i have spoken to him about this several times and he goes on and on about how he used to drink more hevely before and that now he doesn't drink that much, also that he dosen't abuse me or become some other person when he drinks. he has said that he will slow down his drinking but he only does that some days and not others. i just fear of what has already happened or what can happen because of his drinking. every time he drinks i feel so sick to my stomach and i really love him and can't stand to see him hurt himself this way. we are planning on getting married in February but i don't want to take that step if i will have to deal with this in our marriage. he is the best guy i have ever been with but at the same time he has this disease. my kids are attached to him and i really don't know what to do here. some people would say if he isn't hurting you or the kids then what's the harm. but i just feel like what he is doing is wrong. should i just leave him?

[Jon-Marc]

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that drinking alcohol is a sin, but drunkenness is. How much does he drink? Does he consistently get drunk? Does his personality change for the worse when he drinks? That is too often the case. However, the only time my dad treated me good was when he was drunk. Unfortunately, that was only on Friday nights.

[Howdyboyalan]

Agreed. However If he is doing it alone it may be a problem.

Maybe you could turn it into something positive. Eg Don't drink alone, but you could introduce a bottle of wine into your meals every few days, therefore making it a coupley thing.

He migh just enjoy the taste of beer, so once again, maybe join him, or when he goes out with friends, allow him to have a few drinks.

I can see why it would be upsetting you if he is just drinking heavily and there does not seem to be a reason, so find out if there is and if he has any problems. If it is just from habit try and turn it into a positive thing, while also reducing the amount he drinks

[sopranette]

I would think long and hard about marrying this man.  It isn't fair to you, and it's not good for your children, either.

love,

Sopranette

[Jon-Marc]

While compromise between husband and wife is necessary for a successful marriage, we should never compromise our Christian beliefs. NO one is worth that. Also, if you're a Christian and he's not, you would be unequally yoked, and God forbids that.

[fanuvmxpx]

we are planning on getting married in February but i don't want to take that step if i will have to deal with this in our marriage.

If you do not want to accommodate his current behaviors, then you probably should not marry. It is a hard suggestion to give.

Most men will not change. Drinking alcohol is not inherently bad, but being drunk is. Although I do not agree with smoking it, marijuana has been argued to be medically safer than alcohol or cigarettes. However, if we are to look at drunkenness and say "it alters your state of mind and opens you up to demonic influences"...then the same could be said of pot, and thus, it wouldn't be prudent for a christian to partake in.

[chosenone]

I would be more concerned by the fact that he doesnt have a personal relationship with God. is he actually a Christian if he doesnt have that? I thought that was what being a Christian was all about.
Coming from an alchoholic background as you say that you have I can totally understand why you are concerned.
I know that many think that when they marry things will improve but this rarely is the case, and if you arent happy with it now, you wont be happy with it then. if he knows how bad and unhappy it makes you feel and he still does it , that would concern me.

I wouldnt marry him if it were me until you are sure that he really is a Christian. I have several friends who have non christian husbands and it is very hard for them. They all became Christians after the marriage. We are told not to marry non believers for a reason.The heavy drinking (10 or more beers is enough to make anyone drunk)is just more cause for concern.

[NeonZ]

Let him go. You can pray for him to change but you need space from him. He is dangerous and if you keep on hanging around him he's going to destroy you. He's not worth your relationship with Chirst. Put yourself in Christ hands.