Damaged Goods

[IStillHaventFound...]

Disclaimer: There is hypocrisy in this post. I am an almost divorced guy in his late forties, dating a girl who is 14 years younger. I realize that I shouldn't be dating until the divorce is final, which should be in a couple months. The girl I'm dating has never been married. She has no kids. I have one. She is a Christian but hasn't been going to church for a couple years. She is Eastern European and still lives with her family of origin, which is apparently common for people in her culture. She has a good job and so do I. One thing I always struggle with is wondering if I could find someone prettier, hotter and younger than who I'm with. It sucks and I don't like being that way and I'm trying to get better. This girl is attractive (sometimes very much so depending on what she is wearing) in an exotic sort of way (the accent helps) but is not what my ideal girl would look like.
      The other Day I told her I really enjoy being with her but felt the likelyhood was low that I would ever want to marry her (not the exact words). I saw her once more after that then my daughter came for a visit for a few days and I haven't seen her but we have texted a little. When I last saw her we talked about her past a little and she revealed that she had been in a friends with benefits relationship and has dated guys who I would describe as less than my equal. Although she did not specifically state it I think she has stopped going to church because of her sexual past. We have had sex (it's not the best I've had) and she has correctly identified it as sin.
      So after admitting that I am doing wrong here is the question. I really like her but I have these feelings like she is damaged goods and maybe not quite as pretty as I think I could find. Should I stay with her? Part of me wants to go all Gomer and Hosea on her and accept despite her sexual sin. I don't believe she is innately promiscuous. I think she is simply a girl who gave what she had (i.e., her body) to gain the companionship from men that all women truly want. I feel compassion for her and would like to help her. Are these good reasons to stay with her?

[Willie T]

Are both of you willing, and able to, keep your clothes on for awhile?  Or is sex too much to hold off on and wait for?

I ask, because it will be difficult to make good, logical decisions if you let sex cloud your emotions.  You needn't answer... just think about it.

[NowFound]

After reading this yesterday, I thought of two things:

"Is the title referring to his girlfriend or himself?"

"Is the verse referring to the splinter and the log familiar?"

But you did give the hypocrisy disclaimer, so you definitely know the score and are very aware of the situation.  Her actions in the past and present are as sinful as yours are.  Should either of you continue in them?  To quote Paul, "Absolutely not!"


And drawing upon your reference - God told Hosea what to do.  Shouldn't you first ask for forgiveness, from God, turn and repent?  Then pray and see what God has for you in this relationship?  (Perhaps the Gomer/Hosea situation could work both ways, with each of you challenging each other to draw closer to God.)

The other thing you may need to pray about is both coveting and pride.  Feeling that you "deserve" and therefore looking for the woman who is a little prettier/smarter/whatever-er can be a never ending chase.  Read Ecclesiates.  Soloman wrote about how reaching for anything but God was chasing the wind.

Prayers for you, brother.

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

You can *always* find someone prettier.  But does that really matter?  As long as there's an attraction between you, I would think that part is taken care of.

If anything, I would like to comment on the cultural differences.  I've been in two relationships now with ladies from other cultures, and it is an enormous obstacle to overcome, in making a marriage work.

Maybe give that some weight in your decision-making process.  You may find you are marrying her family, too, to a greater extent than you thought.

Jarrod