Lonely and Needing Christian Fellowship

[StarrDazl]

Hello. I am a single female, almost 21 years old and I need advice. I feel like I am at a breaking point in my life and do not know where to turn. I am very lonely and greatly long to make more close friendships with other Christian young people my age and broaden my social connections-- especially with some single men. I have never been on a date before. I am very friendly and everybody says I am very attractive. However there are several factors I believe that are inhibiting my opportunities to meet people.

1. I take online college classes. I originally had wanted to attend a Christian college, but there is no way I can afford tuition without going into massive, crippling debt. I can't get any sort of student aid. Online classes are pretty much my only option at this point, so I'm trying to do the best I can with the situation life has handed me. I can't afford a public university right now either by the way.

2. My church. I attend a wonderful church with my family and it is actually a pretty good sized congregation. The preaching is pretty good and I have made friends there. However, out of all the young people my age, most of them are women. There is just not a whole lot in the male department at all.

I don't know what to do. I've tried searching for various singles groups, social gatherings, etc. in my city to no avail. There just aren't many opportunities where I live. And I cannot relocate. For various reasons I can't mention, online dating is not an option for me. I am really desiring closer, deeper friendships with people my age and wanting to broaden my social connections. I do have a few good girlfriends, but it's not enough anymore. I just have no idea what to do. I am finding myself getting increasingly more lonely, depressed, and anxious by the day. I know I need to have faith trust and trust God, but this has been my situation for years and I'm almost at the breaking point. I often manage to snap myself out of my depression for a little while and try and be happy with my life, but then reality hits. I am just so lonely and need companionship. Originally I had planned to attend an actual college campus, but because of factors beyond my control, that's just not going to happen. Any advice for me on how I can make friends and possibly meet that special Christian young man? I feel like I'm stuck.

[Wordman]

I don't really have any advice to give, other than to say I empathize with you.   I turned 30 not to long ago and I have been single for most of my life.   I try to focus on other things to occupy my mind like immersing  myself in reading and writing, and keeping in mind that relationships are not the only focus in this life.  But there are days that I do feel pretty alone...but I remind myself that when I am alone, I am not really alone.   

Anyways, you're only 21, and you have a whole life ahead of you.  I am sure you will have plenty of chances to meet some nice guys...I wouldn't worry too much about it, there are plenty of other things in life to take joy in.   

[chosenone]

So you have lots of Christian females in your church of your age but not many guys? I am afraid that is the norm in many churches today which is why so many women do go in for on line dating these days. You mention that you cannot do this, but I just wanted to say that I know about 7 or 8 Christian couples who met on line(including myself and my husband!)
Have you looked into singles events in your town? Speed dating? Singles holidays? Singles evenings? Church weekends away? Christian summer camps often need helpers. How about volunteering for work in a food bank, for example, or some other outreach? That's often a good way to meet those outside your church. How about finding another church where there are more young people?
Do you work as well as study? A good way to get out and mix with others.If all you do is stay at home and study on line, you will feel isolated.

[HumanClay]

First of all, I would like to say that God is able to do above all that we think or ask. If we delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts. Don't be anxious about finding someone, that will only cause depression and pain. We must believe that He is a rewarder to those that seek Him.
While you are waiting, keep your mind  on God and His word and He will keep you in perfect peace. Trust in Him with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding.

[k-pappy]

Starrdazl,

Have you considered volunteering?  Getting involved in clubs/groups/activities outside of your church?  A Christian companion is important, but your church is not the only place too meet a Christian man.  Just a thought...

Bond

[Douglas30]

Hi guys, I'm new here but just wanted to jump in and say that I'm the same as WordMan - I'm nearly 30 - my birthday is this Sunday actually and I'll be spending it with my church family which I can't wait for.  I've never been on a date before either.  At the start of the year I was crying a lot and recently realized it's because of my age and thinking about experiences like dating that I've not had.  The power of prayer can heal the loneliness and I've been experiencing feelings of peace and joy recently which I believe are from God.  I've kind of decided now that I'm going to wait for my wife which I've been praying about.  But it's so nice to see that there are other people in the same situation.

Douglas

[nettie830]

Hello there,

Similar to you, I'm kinda lonely most of the times. I am also single and I'm 24. Although most of the time, I'm just focusing with my work, but there are just moments that I will feel sad because sometimes I feel that I am alone.

But then, i know that there are disadvantages being single and in my case, I only have a very few good friends that I can talk to from time to time, but one advantage I can think of, and why i still choose to be single, is that there are a lot of opportunities for me to discover, knowledge to gain and of course people to meet.

Just seek His kingdom first and really focus your heart and mind to our Lord and Savior. ;)

[chosenone]

Hi guys, I'm new here but just wanted to jump in and say that I'm the same as WordMan - I'm nearly 30 - my birthday is this Sunday actually and I'll be spending it with my church family which I can't wait for.  I've never been on a date before either.  At the start of the year I was crying a lot and recently realized it's because of my age and thinking about experiences like dating that I've not had.  The power of prayer can heal the loneliness and I've been experiencing feelings of peace and joy recently which I believe are from God.  I've kind of decided now that I'm going to wait for my wife which I've been praying about.  But it's so nice to see that there are other people in the same situation.

Douglas

Hi Douglas take heart. Both my 2 older children married at ages 30 and 32. Incidentally they both met them on a Christian dating site. Both came to God in their late 20's, so didn't know that many other Christians for a while, and had more non Christian friends. I am so glad that they didn't marry earlier as it would have probably have been to a non believer.

I echo what bondservant said, look outside the box. Get involved in volunteering and Christian activities that dont just involve your church. If you ask around you will find that many Christian couples didn't meet in their own church.