An unexpected reaction from a female friend

[lookingforanswers]

I was not 100% sure which Forum/Board to put this under but I thought it best fit singles.

Have you ever had someone say something to you and you think, "I understand what they are saying but why did they say that?"  You ask what they meant by what they said and they say, "It means exactly what it says!"

Here is a "short" (Can I ever do a short version?) version of the story:

Before my "now" husband met me he would get online and play online games with online chat.  Playing a game one day he met a Christian woman and they became good friends sharing Christian beliefs.  They lived "quite a distance" away from each other.  Their friendship became like a brother/sister relationship. 

A few months after my husband and his female friend met, My husband and I met online when I was looking for people in my area to chat with in an online directory NOT A PERSONALS SITE.  I came to his directory profile and I saw his picture and I was like this guy is NOT going to talk
to me even just to be friends.  I said a prayer and set him an Instant Message.  A little while later, he IM'd me and we found out that we
had A LOT in common.  Examples:  Christian beliefs, we knew A LOT of the same people and we even found out that we were in the same trade school for two years, in two different parts of the school, therefore, we never knew each other within those two years of school. 
Completely, unexpected by me he step out on a ledge and asked me out on a date before we even got offline with each other that day.

My then boyfriend (now husband) even told me that he had this female friend that he had never met in person and that was Just a friend online and that she was like a sister to him.  He even introduced us and her and I became online friends.  Her and I would chat off and on.  He also told me of other female friends and male friends (Of course he knew I was NOT going to be upset about his male friends.) that he had online and that he had never met them in person as well.  He was VERY bluntly upfront with me about who he talked to.

My then boyfriend broke up with me just for a short while because of a lot of mixed emotions, he was solider that knew he would must likely
be deployed very soon.  I cried my eyes out to this now then mutual online female friend when he broke up with me.  Our female friend was SO
SWEET and prayed for me and let me just talk and talk if I wanted to.  I found out when we got back together that he found out pretty quickly
that he had made a BIG mistake breaking up with me.

A month or two after him and I got back together, I noticed that our female friend was kinda of acting differently toward me.  She would be
very short with our talks.  One day my then boyfriend surprised me with a very unexpected visit at my job and a surprise, an expensive gift
(NOT a ring).  I was talking to her and was telling her about the beautiful gift that he got me and she kinda got a "short" with me like a
little bit of an attitude toward me.  I was in shock at her reaction to me.  I was like, "What do I say to her?"  I did not want to make her
mad or more mad if she was mad.  I was polite and kept the rest of the conversation short.  I even told my then boyfriend about what I said
and how she reacted.  He had NO CLUE why she reacted that way.  I decided myself that it may be a good idea for me to lay low from talking to her for awhile.  I myself thought that I should be the one two back off from talking to her because my then boyfriend and her became friends first and I did not want to become between their friendship. I knew if she herself contacted me I would talk to her but I was trying my best to leave the ball in her court.

Before, we knew it time flew by and my then boyfriend by the "skin of his teeth" (like 98% by the skin of his teeth) was NOT deployed.  Very
Shortly, after he come home after finding out that he was not going to be deployed we were on a drive to get a piece of equipment for his
volunteer job.  Marriage had come up and he said, "LET'S GET MARRIED!"  I was like, "OK!"  Before the day was over we had at least the month that our wedding was going to be picked out. 

A little more time went by and we had not told anyone but our close family and very close "in person" friends that we were planning on
getting married.  We finally announced our marriage PUBLICLY after we picked up my rings and he was able to officially ask me to marry him.
Well, one night he was online and he excitingly announced our engagement to our mutual online female friend and he received a VERY DIFFERENT RESPONSE from her that NO ONE else EVER responded to him nor I that way when one of us announced our engagement.  She said to him, "Our friendship will NEVER be the same again!"  Of course out of shock and verbally out loud (of course she could not hear him cause they were online not on video chat) he said, "WHAT?"  He asked her, "What do you mean by that?"  She said, "It means exactly what it says!  Our friendship will NEVER be the same again!"  She NEVER would go into detail with him nor myself on WHY she said that. 

Even though, we both have NO REGRETS on our decision!  We both still wonder especially me why she even said that to him. 
Anyone have any ideas or thoughts?  I would like to know ideas and thoughts from both female and male prospective.  Please think about it
and try to put yourself and our shoes and please state why you think she said that and exactly WHAT she REALLY MEANT behind that.

Has anyone else had a similar situation?   

[chosenone]

Do you HONESTLY not know the answer to that???

[lookingforanswers]

We honestly do not know HER answer to why she said that.  We only have our own assumptions on why she said that.  I wanted to get some other peoples option that was not in the situation so that I know what they think.  We just do not want to jump to our own conclusions and be wrong. 

May I ask what your thoughts are on this?

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

[MeMyself]

The only one that can truly answer for her reasoning is her...but...

I will give the benefit of the doubt and assume only innocence in her words, and say this:

I have a male cousin I was VERY close too...after marriage that closeness wasn't there any more.  My dh became my closest male friend.  I have close family friends that this is true of as well.  Our deep an abiding devotion to one another is there, but our marriages come first.  Our friendships were never the same again after we got married. It is a normal evolution for opposite gender platonic relationships IMO.

PS. Come to think of it...my female friendships were never the same either.  Marriage/family that comes from that comes first, or it should and friendships behind.

[lookingforanswers]

Yes, she is the only one that can actually tell us her TRUE answer.  I wish she would have just told us but she would not.  She just ending up repeating what she said after a sentence like I said above.

[lookingforanswers]

I can understand where you are coming from MeMyself but why would someone say that when someone is excitingly announcing their engagement?

[MeMyself]

I can understand where you are coming from MeMyself but why would someone say that when someone is excitingly announcing their engagement?

I don't know...some folks are just wet blankets like that. I am sorry she dampened your excitement!  Just toss her careless and (sorry) self-centered comment aside and focus on those that are being supportive and excited with you!  This is a joyous time, don't let anyone rob that from you! :)

[chosenone]

We honestly do not know HER answer to why she said that.  We only have our own assumptions on why she said that.  I wanted to get some other peoples option that was not in the situation so that I know what they think.  We just do not want to jump to our own conclusions and be wrong. 

May I ask what your thoughts are on this?

Anyone else have any thoughts on this?

My immediate thought was that she wanted him for her alone. She had a special friendship with him, and you being with him have stopped that from happening. She is jealous. To me that seems pretty clear from her reactions.
She may have seen him as more than just friends, and quite honestly some men are a bit clueless about women they are involved with and what they are feeling. He may have thought he was just being friendly, but she may have seen it as more.

[lookingforanswers]

Thank you both for your input and support!   

Would anyone else like to give their option on this situation?

[lookingforanswers]

The assumption that my now husband and I came up with when we so-to-speak were comparing notes is that she had to at some point have fallen in love with him as more than friends.

If what we assume is fact, another big question is why did she not tell him?  Even though he says that it would have never changed anything.  He says that he never had that kind of feelings for her.  He just thought that she was a cool, nice, sweet friend that was like a sister.  I can understand why she did not say anything while we were first dating but she had the perfect timing to do so once before him and I met and a second time after he broke up with me before him and I got back together.

Now do you see why I want to make sure that our assumption is correct and not wrong?  To me that is a very touchy subject to bring up to a friend to ask them if what you assumed is true.

[Carey]

PS. Come to think of it...my female friendships were never the same either.  Marriage/family that comes from that comes first, or it should and friendships behind.

What I was thinking also.

It is of course possible that she was in love with him, but it is also possible that she has seen relationships change with other platonic friends in similar circumstances.  Even if one is not "in love" with a friend it still hurts to have that relationship diminished.  It is pretty common for people to discourage platonic relationships their significant others may be part of, insecurity and all that.

Further, given this is a relationship that accompanies online gaming, there is a good chance the time for such games will be significantly reduced.  In my experience most guys either curtail there gaming when they marry, or they soon find themselves sleeping on the couch, or worse.

Pretty tough assignment reading others minds, especially women  but I don't know that I'd assume she is in love with him, just from the information you have provided.

[chosenone]

PS. Come to think of it...my female friendships were never the same either.  Marriage/family that comes from that comes first, or it should and friendships behind.

What I was thinking also.

It is of course possible that she was in love with him, but it is also possible that she has seen relationships change with other platonic friends in similar circumstances.  Even if one is not "in love" with a friend it still hurts to have that relationship diminished.  It is pretty common for people to discourage platonic relationships their significant others may be part of, insecurity and all that.

Further, given this is a relationship that accompanies online gaming, there is a good chance the time for such games will be significantly reduced.  In my experience most guys either curtail there gaming when they marry, or they soon find themselves sleeping on the couch, or worse.

Pretty tough assignment reading others minds, especially women  but I don't know that I'd assume she is in love with him, just from the information you have provided.

yes I agree. I think she wanted that special relationship with him, whether that was as a close sister or because it was more, we cant say.
I am not sure why you feel the need to contact her about it now. You are married and this is in the past, and what will be achieved by doing this? Just let it go is my advise.