Online dating - getting her to trust me??

[mikejones2013]

Afternoon everyone, I just recently met this nice lady on the christianmingle site. she's 22 and i'm 24 and she has caught my interest. we only spoke online a few times and haven't exchanged numbers yet but I'm trying to get to know her more so we can keep growing. The issue is, she tells me that she doesn't have a good feeling about talking to me but i feel like shes only saying that because I'm still a complete stranger to her regardless if I only have intentions on doing good. the last message i sent to her was pretty much me letting her know that anything worth having never comes easy and how she should talk to her pastor, continue to pray, and to let God guide her. I also let her know that I would still be thinking about her and i'd pray for her too. I really want to get to know her but i don't know what to do or say, so i'm just praying. I figured that I would give her a bit of space to think and spend time with God and her pastor, then i'll get in contact with her after a few days.

Any advice is helpful, also she deleted her christianmingle profile, i found it odd at first but i also deleted mine as well so God can talk to me in regards to her.

[chosenone]

Hi Mike

I have had a lot of experience of on line dating after I spent two years doing that before I met my husband 9 years ago. Also I know several Christian couples who met on line, including my son and his wife. There are many reasons why people go onto those sites, and they are not always people who are actually ready for a proper long term relationship. There are also many who may not be emotionally healthy for one reason or another.

For example, the daughter of a friend of mine, seems keen to find a guy. She hasn't had a boyfriend for several years, and never a Christian one. She went onto a Christian dating site recently, a nice guy contacted her, they clicked and seemed to have so much in common. They met up and that seemed to go well, but out of the blue shortly after that, she told him not to contact her any more, and that is that. She has come off all the sites now. You see, sometimes people THINK they want something, but when it seems they may be getting that, they get cold feet and withdraw and go back into their shells where it seems safe. 
To begin a new relationships takes risk, and that scares some people. It means we have to step out onto the water, and some people just cant seem to deal with that.

Others are keen to meet people, but are just not emotionally ready for a relationship. I met one guy like that, and while he was a nice guy and we got on well,  he had just been divorced and had got very depressed because of it, and he just wasn't recovered enough to be ready for a new relationship. I could tell that pretty quickly.

Anyway whatever the reason why this lady withdrew from you, it may not have been personal due to the fact that she has come right off the site now. You may just have to put that one behind you and move on. She did tell you that she didn't have a good feeling about it, and deleting her profile seems a pretty strong message to me, so you have to respect that.
You really barely knew each other after just a small number of emails, so its not like you have anything to loose is it. This sort of thing happens all the time in on line dating(or any dating actually).
There are lots more ladies out there.

[mikejones2013]

chosenone, you make a valid point. I haven't spoken to her about her past relationship because it was to early for that. We have a lot in common and seem like a great person (based from her profile) and I wanted to try before giving up. I guess guys tend to want to do or say something to make situations much better, even after praying to God. I'll send her another email just to see how she's doing, but if it doesn't go anywhere, at least I wont regret not trying.

[chosenone]

chosenone, you make a valid point. I haven't spoken to her about her past relationship because it was to early for that. We have a lot in common and seem like a great person (based from her profile) and I wanted to try before giving up. I guess guys tend to want to do or say something to make situations much better, even after praying to God. I'll send her another email just to see how she's doing, but if it doesn't go anywhere, at least I wont regret not trying.

Yes good idea. Have you just started internet dating? Its just that you may face many more situations like this one.

[mikejones2013]

Yes it is my first time and I just thought that maybe I did something wrong or didn't do enough of something, but pray for me. We all look for love in different stages of our lives so i'll stay positive about the online dating scene.

[chosenone]

Yes it is my first time and I just thought that maybe I did something wrong or didn't do enough of something, but pray for me. We all look for love in different stages of our lives so i'll stay positive about the online dating scene.

I got to know loads of different guys when I was on line, some for just a few emails and some for longer.
It seems to take time to find the right one, so be patient. Don't let one rejection put you off.   
I doubt you did anything wrong. You may never know why she just disappeared, but maybe she just didn't feel you were the right one.

Are there many young ladies in your church? Do you know any Christian singles groups? Or groups for those in their 20's? Just asking because the churches I have been to seem to have far more available young ladies than men.

[mikejones2013]

You are right about being patient. there are not to many younger ladies at my church that's around my age and I don't know any christian singles groups either. that would be a great idea if i can find one.

Also, thanks for the advice. it seems like the best option is to just move on and be prepared for whomever the lucky lady God has prepared for me.

[chosenone]

You are right about being patient. there are not to many younger ladies at my church that's around my age and I don't know any christian singles groups either. that would be a great idea if i can find one.

Also, thanks for the advice. it seems like the best option is to just move on and be prepared for whomever the lucky lady God has prepared for me.

Yes and remember that you are very young yet so you have plenty of time. My son married 3 years ago at the age of 31(his wife was 27).

[mikejones2013]

Chosenone, That must have been a great moment for him, and I'll keep that in mind and be more patient. I did find myself bummed out about this but only because of the timing (I've been single for awhile now) and she seemed like what I've been praying for (at least online she did). I know God haven't forgotten about me and everything will work out well on his time, so I don't feel bummed out about this anymore.

[chosenone]

Yes it is my first time and I just thought that maybe I did something wrong or didn't do enough of something, but pray for me. We all look for love in different stages of our lives so i'll stay positive about the online dating scene.

No you didn't do anything wrong I am sure. This will happen quite a lot whether you are on online dating or dating elsewhere. Most people go out with and get to know quite a few people before they meet the one they marry. For some it can happen straight away, as in my husbands case (he had only been on line for a few days when we met) and for others it can take years. My son didnt start following God till his late 20's, so just didnt know many Christians of his own age.  However God has blessed him with a lovely Christian wife, who he met on line. He tells loads of people how they met, and is very much pro internet dating as I am. As long as you are aware of potential dangers and pitfalls, and don't take everything too personally it can be really positive.

[mikejones2013]

Chosenone, that's a very interesting life story for both your husband and son. I feel much better about my case, thanks again :)

[Rella]

Yes it is my first time and I just thought that maybe I did something wrong or didn't do enough of something, but pray for me. We all look for love in different stages of our lives so i'll stay positive about the online dating scene.

Being that you are on a Christian site, and this is one also, I hope this does not come off sounding wrong.

I also have been on a Christian dating site... on a "free " 10 day trial.

No one contacted me based on my profile, but I did contact two that had wonderful profiles.

One I did not hear from and the other I did....

He was not right for me for the simple reason... for me, I just cannot and do not do the religious talk 24/7.

In our very brief discussions I was forthcoming and told him I had some baggage.... I mean, in your 60s who doesn't? And he asked me to tell him about it. While I felt that was not the right forum and far too early I briefed him in.

He then wanted to know when my free trial would end, and I told him.

He told me that he wanted to pray about something and I said that was fine, and I never heard back.

Now I only mention this because I already knew that if he came back I would likely make my excuses.

I enjoy all that this site has to offer, and my bible studies and everything Christian, but for me, as I said I don't talk it 24/7.

So, if you came across to the young woman as another Oral Roberts or Billy Graham... it might have made her back off.... just saying

[Wycliffes_Shillelagh]

Afternoon everyone, I just recently met this nice lady on the christianmingle site. she's 22 and i'm 24...

I don't need to read further than that.  Move on.  3 or 4 years from now you will be ready to think about getting married and starting a family.

Jarrod