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My mom and stepfather got home late last night and went directly to bed so I didn't get to talk to him about boundaries.

In the morning before my stepfather leaves for work he brings our dog into my room since I'm the last one to get up and leave the house. He always uncovers me and gives me a kiss goodbye. It has always made me uncomfortable because he doesn't just give me a normal kiss like a normal parent. He kisses my cheek multiple times and puts his hand under my shirt to rub my back. I prefer sleeping without a bra, but I  wear one anyway cause I don't want him feeling that I'm not wearing one. Anyway, yesterday I decided that's gonna change. I'm locking my door at night and the dog is sleeping with me so there's no need for my stepfather to come into my room.

I should tell you guys that before him and my mom got married, he asked me if he could adopt me and I said yes. I said yes because he was actually pretty nice back then and we really bonded while planning the wedding. Then after they got married, the inappropriate hugs started, followed by the slapping/bullying. I don't know what happened to him. He still hasn't adopted me, in fact, he hasn't even mentioned anything about adopting me since the first time he asked, which was like 3 years ago.

Quote from: mommydi on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 10:45:36

Quote from: Alan on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 08:30:13
With the introduction of Post # 24 this thread has moved from defensible to despicable, this guy is clearly a creep and needs to be exposed as such.

Yes, and speaking of exposing him for what he is, other family members and/or close friends with children need to know so they can make sure he hasn't done something similar to their kids. If he's slid his hand under her top, then there's the chance he's done this to others.

Oh trust me, if there were children involved, I would make sure they were protected. Thankfully we don't have any family members or friends with little kids. He has  2 teenage nieces, but they live in a different state and he rarely sees them. They have never been alone with him so I think it's safe to assume that he's never tried anything with them. I think I'm his first "victim".

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 16:53:33

Quote from: mommydi on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 10:45:36

Quote from: Alan on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 08:30:13
With the introduction of Post # 24 this thread has moved from defensible to despicable, this guy is clearly a creep and needs to be exposed as such.

Yes, and speaking of exposing him for what he is, other family members and/or close friends with children need to know so they can make sure he hasn't done something similar to their kids. If he's slid his hand under her top, then there's the chance he's done this to others.

Oh trust me, if there were children involved, I would make sure they were protected. Thankfully we don't have any family members or friends with little kids. He has  2 teenage nieces, but they live in a different state and he rarely sees them. They have never been alone with him so I think it's safe to assume that he's never tried anything with them. I think I'm his first "victim".

You must talk to your grandfather.

Setting boundaries is not going to work with your step dad.

He will violate and always apologise but he will have gotten what he wants and will upset you. He won't care and might even enjoy it when he sees you upset.

You are 18. An adult in the eyes of the law but you never mentioned if you are going onto further education.

Another option.... perhaps you could live with your grandfather for a while?

I would like to see you out of the house but at your age job opportunities to be self supporting are not there.

And neither is the idea of getting involved with a boyfriend thinking he would be your knight in shining armor.... Do not want to be a wet blanket... but you are too young if that had entered your mind.

Quote from: Rella on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 18:05:48

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 16:53:33

Quote from: mommydi on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 10:45:36

Quote from: Alan on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 08:30:13
With the introduction of Post # 24 this thread has moved from defensible to despicable, this guy is clearly a creep and needs to be exposed as such.

Yes, and speaking of exposing him for what he is, other family members and/or close friends with children need to know so they can make sure he hasn't done something similar to their kids. If he's slid his hand under her top, then there's the chance he's done this to others.

Oh trust me, if there were children involved, I would make sure they were protected. Thankfully we don't have any family members or friends with little kids. He has  2 teenage nieces, but they live in a different state and he rarely sees them. They have never been alone with him so I think it's safe to assume that he's never tried anything with them. I think I'm his first "victim".

You must talk to your grandfather.

Setting boundaries is not going to work with your step dad.

He will violate and always apologise but he will have gotten what he wants and will upset you. He won't care and might even enjoy it when he sees you upset.

You are 18. An adult in the eyes of the law but you never mentioned if you are going onto further education.

Another option.... perhaps you could live with your grandfather for a while?

I would like to see you out of the house but at your age job opportunities to be self supporting are not there.

And neither is the idea of getting involved with a boyfriend thinking he would be your knight in shining armor.... Do not want to be a wet blanket... but you are too young if that had entered your mind.

She has said that she may live with her grandparents once she finishes school in June, and go to the college near them.

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 16:53:33

Quote from: mommydi on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 10:45:36

Quote from: Alan on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 08:30:13
With the introduction of Post # 24 this thread has moved from defensible to despicable, this guy is clearly a creep and needs to be exposed as such.

Yes, and speaking of exposing him for what he is, other family members and/or close friends with children need to know so they can make sure he hasn't done something similar to their kids. If he's slid his hand under her top, then there's the chance he's done this to others.

Oh trust me, if there were children involved, I would make sure they were protected. Thankfully we don't have any family members or friends with little kids. He has  2 teenage nieces, but they live in a different state and he rarely sees them. They have never been alone with him so I think it's safe to assume that he's never tried anything with them. I think I'm his first "victim".

What is he doing uncovering you when he comes into your room in the mornings? That is entirely inappropriate.
I honestly think that you need to tell your mum ALL that he has been doing, either now or when you are living with your grandparents in the summer.Maybe write it all down.  She needs to know what sort of man he is. After all when you are older and have you own children you are not going to want to visit them if he is still there and she will wonder why. She will also wonder why you are going to move out, she needs to know the reasons so that she can act on them. Men like this are very good at hiding things from their partners and manipulating the situation.   

WHAT. Get out of there, and do it NOW. 'Out among the wolves' my foot, there's one in the house right now, and you need to leave. Find somewhere else to go for your own safety, this dude is a complete creep and needs to be away from you. Protect yourself and forget whatever nonsense your mother might say. Nope, nope, nope, get away from this crazy house, girl! And have him arrested for assault.

Quote from: TonkaTim on Sat Mar 11, 2017 - 23:42:07
Where is your Dad? Is he a man of good character? How about Grandfathers? Uncles? Older cousins?

Quote from: SashaBear on Sun Mar 12, 2017 - 00:07:26
I do have a grandfather and an uncle. They are great people.

Quote from: TonkaTim on Sun Mar 12, 2017 - 00:14:53
Talk to your grandfather

Quote from: Brisingr on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 19:22:40
'Out among the wolves' my foot, there's one in the house right now,

Yes there is.
Why I said

Quote from: TonkaTim on Sun Mar 12, 2017 - 00:14:53
Talk to your grandfather

Sasha's grandfather has a grave responsibility. "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." - 1 Timothy 5:8 As her male patriarch it is his & her uncle's job to protect her, especially from a wolf in her home. Advising a high school girl  to "go it alone" is bad, very bad advice. There are millions of other wolves laying in wait to devour a young naive 18yo high school girl. She needs to tell all of this to Grandpa, now. 

Quote from: chosenone on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 18:36:11

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 16:53:33

Quote from: mommydi on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 10:45:36

Quote from: Alan on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 08:30:13
With the introduction of Post # 24 this thread has moved from defensible to despicable, this guy is clearly a creep and needs to be exposed as such.

Yes, and speaking of exposing him for what he is, other family members and/or close friends with children need to know so they can make sure he hasn't done something similar to their kids. If he's slid his hand under her top, then there's the chance he's done this to others.

Oh trust me, if there were children involved, I would make sure they were protected. Thankfully we don't have any family members or friends with little kids. He has  2 teenage nieces, but they live in a different state and he rarely sees them. They have never been alone with him so I think it's safe to assume that he's never tried anything with them. I think I'm his first "victim".

What is he doing uncovering you when he comes into your room in the mornings? That is entirely inappropriate.
I honestly think that you need to tell your mum ALL that he has been doing, either now or when you are living with your grandparents in the summer.Maybe write it all down.  She needs to know what sort of man he is. After all when you are older and have you own children you are not going to want to visit them if he is still there and she will wonder why. She will also wonder why you are going to move out, she needs to know the reasons so that she can act on them. Men like this are very good at hiding things from their partners and manipulating the situation.   

He uncovers me to put our dog under the covers, even though I have told him a million time to not put the dog on my bed. Max (our dog) has his own dog bed in my room.

And my mom already knows EVERYTHING. She downplays it ALL. I tried to talk to her about another incident that happened after the innapropiate hugging and before the slapping started. Her response was offensive. She said, "You're just very family oriented". I asked her what she meant by that, and she explained that I'm just very innocent for my age. I interpreted that as her implying that other girls my age wouldnt be bothered by that. I was 16 at the time. Afer that I told her that once I move out, I'm done with my stepfather. She told me that was my choice. My future children will never be left alone with them. If that surprises her, I have emails saved to remind her why.

Sasha, maybe you should go to a counselor at school and tell him/her everything that you've told us. Be sure to tell everything, including the touching under your nightie. Someone local, like the counselor can help you with the steps you need to protect yourself. I believe someone mentioned that earlier, but the more I think about it, the more I think you need someone outside the family, and local, to help you.

I'mtyping from my phone so excuse any typos.

Today when he got home from work he asked me why i never replied to his text. His text said, "Love ya. Sorry you're still mad". I told him that there was nothing to reply to that. He then told me, "You're so mean". I didn't say anything back. Not gonna let him make me feel guilty.

Trust me guys, I want to tell others about my stepfather. I just don't want to ruin my relationship with my mom. It was just me and her for 13 years. I would be heartbroken if she stopped talking to me or tried to make me look like a liar to defend my stepfather.

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 20:48:49
I'mtyping from my phone so excuse any typos.

Today when he got home from work he asked me why i never replied to his text. His text said, "Love ya. Sorry you're still mad". I told him that there was nothing to reply to that. He then told me, "You're so mean". I didn't say anything back. Not gonna let him make me feel guilty.

Trust me guys, I want to tell others about my stepfather. I just don't want to ruin my relationship with my mom. It was just me and her for 13 years. I would be heartbroken if she stopped talking to me or tried to make me look like a liar to defend my stepfather.

Sasha, if you worry that your mother would pick him over you, then your mother has a problem. Not you. Trust me when I say it will not be a strain that can not be repaired.

Is there any reason you would not want to discuss this with your grandparents? No harm in talking with your grandmother first & her letting your grandfather know. They really need to know. They have a responsibility to ensure your safety. I'm sure they would agree. Maybe let them read this thread.

Quote from: TonkaTim on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 21:59:46

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 20:48:49
I'mtyping from my phone so excuse any typos.

Today when he got home from work he asked me why i never replied to his text. His text said, "Love ya. Sorry you're still mad". I told him that there was nothing to reply to that. He then told me, "You're so mean". I didn't say anything back. Not gonna let him make me feel guilty.

Trust me guys, I want to tell others about my stepfather. I just don't want to ruin my relationship with my mom. It was just me and her for 13 years. I would be heartbroken if she stopped talking to me or tried to make me look like a liar to defend my stepfather.

Sasha, if you worry that your mother would pick him over you, then your mother has a problem. Not you. Trust me when I say it will not be a strain that can not be repaired.

Is there any reason you would not want to discuss this with your grandparents? No harm in talking with your grandmother first & her letting your grandfather know. They really need to know. They have a responsibility to ensure your safety. I'm sure they would agree. Maybe let them read this thread.

My grandparents are really happy that my mom (their youngest child) has a man and is happy. They think my stepfather is "good people". Why? Well he has a strong work ethic, he goes to church, he takes my mom on vacation all the time, and he asked to adopt me. What parent wouldn't believe he's a good person based on those things?

Part of me is afraid that they'll believe my mom's version of the truth, which is sugar coated. I'd really feel alone then. Like I said in an earlier post, I know they would take me, no questions asked. So it's just easier to not say anything to them about my stepfather. However, I will expose him if he tries anything else. If he doesn't respect the boundaries I am setting, it's over. Forgiveness must be given freely (not saying it's easy, it's not), but trust must be earned.

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 20:48:49
I'mtyping from my phone so excuse any typos.

Today when he got home from work he asked me why i never replied to his text. His text said, "Love ya. Sorry you're still mad". I told him that there was nothing to reply to that. He then told me, "You're so mean". I didn't say anything back. Not gonna let him make me feel guilty.

Trust me guys, I want to tell others about my stepfather. I just don't want to ruin my relationship with my mom. It was just me and her for 13 years. I would be heartbroken if she stopped talking to me or tried to make me look like a liar to defend my stepfather.

Thats typical of such a man, 'sorry you are still mad' not 'sorry for what I did' .

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 16:28:39 He always uncovers me and gives me a kiss goodbye. It has always made me uncomfortable because he doesn't just give me a normal kiss like a normal parent. He kisses my cheek multiple times and puts his hand under my shirt to rub my back.

Young lady, there's not much more that needs to be said to you, then what has been already said, so this will be short. No man or woman should uncover a young woman or a young man while they are still in bed when that person is a teenager or above. That's invading one's privacy way too far. That's going beyond being a parent to being a child molester.....and a 13-19 is a youth/lad based on God's definition of a youth~where he divides age into three groups~0-5; 6-19; 20-60; in Leviticus...... and then entering old age after 60. If he did this to you, then any young girl that you bring around him are in danger of being molested, have you considered this? You should. Why are you giving him so many second chances, one is too many for molesters? Your mother is not innocent in this, sad to say. Where is your biological father? Can you tell him? He has absolutely no right to rub a back of an 18 young girl, EVEN IF she was his biological daughter. As a grandfather, I draw the line of doing such thing when my daughters get over the age seven, way before they enter into the age of puberty. NOT that it's a temptation, but to teach my little girls to PROTECT THIER PRIVATE PARTS, and save that for their future husbands. I trust that you see the need to dress appropriate so that you will not be guilty of tempting him or other boys/men, and if you do not, then trust me, you ought to consider.

Quote from: SashaBear on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 20:48:49
I'mtyping from my phone so excuse any typos.

Today when he got home from work he asked me why i never replied to his text. His text said, "Love ya. Sorry you're still mad". I told him that there was nothing to reply to that. He then told me, "You're so mean". I didn't say anything back. Not gonna let him make me feel guilty.

Trust me guys, I want to tell others about my stepfather. I just don't want to ruin my relationship with my mom. It was just me and her for 13 years. I would be heartbroken if she stopped talking to me or tried to make me look like a liar to defend my stepfather.

Your mother is in denial over your stepfather. She doesn't want to hear it or to believe it.  You are doing yourself, your mother, and your grandparents a great disservice by not exposing your stepfather for what he really is.

You are not going to ruin your relationship with your mother. She needs help also and you are part of the solution to this problem.

Girl stand up, and take charge! God is on your side and so are all of us.  There is no greater power than the Almighty to draw your strength and courage from-

OK, let me get this straight -

1. Mom brings man into home when daughter is 16.
2. Man starts coming into 16 year old's bedroom and sliding his hand under her nighty and even touches her breast. Man kisses 16 year old on her face while feeling under her nighty while she's in bed.
3. Girl tells mom. Mom blows it off.
4. At this point, the man escalates physical contact and brings in physical violence by slapping girl, then taunting her.
5. Girl tells mom. Mom blows it off.

IMO -
The man wants to have a sexual relationship with his step-daughter, but when she told on him for touching her, he became angry and began the slapping and taunting and still tries to enter her room and wants to "make up" which probably means more kissing and hands under her clothes.
Since he has turned to violence upon being rejected sexually, there's a possibility of rape in the future.

Her mother has turned her back on her. This girl needs to get to a local counselor ASAP where they can help her.

Quote from: TonkaTim on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 21:59:46
Sasha, if you worry that your mother would pick him over you, then your mother has a problem. Not you.

Yes! Yesyesyes!!!

I couldn't respond when I read of your fear, Sasha of her choosing him over you and even being willing to lie about your character to cover up his obvious character flaws, but I wept.

Your mother cannot be trusted, dear one.  Please guard your heart so that you do not allow her to emotionally black-male you into doubting yourself or allowing him to have access to you OR your future children! She is just as dangerous to you as he is because she has been faced with truth and has chosen NOT to be a protector of YOU, her precious child! You are a gift from God, and she should love you more than her own self.

God bless you, honey.  May you find support and love, and someone to stand with you against this terrible wrong being perpetrated upon you.

Quote from: MeMyself on Tue Mar 14, 2017 - 08:56:14

Quote from: TonkaTim on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 21:59:46
Sasha, if you worry that your mother would pick him over you, then your mother has a problem. Not you.

Yes! Yesyesyes!!!

I couldn't respond when I read of your fear, Sasha of her choosing him over you and even being willing to lie about your character to cover up his obvious character flaws, but I wept.

Your mother cannot be trusted, dear one.  Please guard your heart so that you do not allow her to emotionally black-male you into doubting yourself or allowing him to have access to you OR your future children! She is just as dangerous to you as he is because she has been faced with truth and has chosen NOT to be a protector of YOU, her precious child! You are a gift from God, and she should love you more than her own self.

God bless you, honey.  May you find support and love, and someone to stand with you against this terrible wrong being perpetrated upon you.

I agree.

IMO, the most hurtful and damaging consequences of this whole situation is the mother shifting the blame back onto her daughter when the daughter came to her for help. That's the lowest blow of all.
The same thing happened to a friend of mine - years ago. She went to her mother and told her mom that her step-father and step-grandfather were both having sex with her. Her mother got angry and blamed her for the men's actions.
Years later, my friend tried to work on forgiveness for all involved, just so the hurt and betrayal wouldn't eat her alive. She told me that it was easier to forgive the two men who sexually molested her than her own mother who blamed her when she went to her for help.

I want to thank you all for hearing me out and taking the time to respond. I truly appreciate it. I really needed the validation that I'm not overreacting. I knew my stepfather's behavior was unacceptable, but I needed to hear it from someone else.

I promise you guys don't have to worry about my safety. My stepfather is a coward and the only reason things have gone this far is because I have been afraid to be assertive and stand up for myself. If I would have said what I felt like saying when he started hugging me inappropriately, he probably would have died of embarrassment and never touched me again, perhaps maybe even left town in fear. But because I let it happen a few times and had my mom "confront" him instead, he realized he could get away with more. I'm frustrated with myself for not realizing this 2 years ago. But now I know better and I will not let him mess with me ever again. I hope he stays out of my way, so I can finish school here, but if he puts his hands on me again, I will make a scene. I will tell my grandparents and go live with them. And I will tell my mom that if she cares about our relationship, that she will make him see a therapist. Trust me. I am done be passive.

Thank you all again. I will post an update if anything happens. 

Quote from: SashaBear on Tue Mar 14, 2017 - 10:52:37
I want to thank you all for hearing me out and taking the time to respond. I truly appreciate it. I really needed the validation that I'm not overreacting. I knew my stepfather's behavior was unacceptable, but I needed to hear it from someone else.

I promise you guys don't have to worry about my safety. My stepfather is a coward and the only reason things have gone this far is because I have been afraid to be assertive and stand up for myself. If I would have said what I felt like saying when he started hugging me inappropriately, he probably would have died of embarrassment and never touched me again, perhaps maybe even left town in fear. But because I let it happen a few times and had my mom "confront" him instead, he realized he could get away with more. I'm frustrated with myself for not realizing this 2 years ago. But now I know better and I will not let him mess with me ever again. I hope he stays out of my way, so I can finish school here, but if he puts his hands on me again, I will make a scene. I will tell my grandparents and go live with them. And I will tell my mom that if she cares about our relationship, that she will make him see a therapist. Trust me. I am done be passive.

Thank you all again. I will post an update if anything happens.

Sasha, your entire post is full of self-blame. This is not good for you now, and it won't be good for you in future relationships. That's why I'm encouraging you to talk to a counselor/therapist.
Please do keep us updated. We care about you, girl.

Quote from: SashaBear on Tue Mar 14, 2017 - 10:52:37
I'm frustrated with myself for not realizing this 2 years ago.

Oh, I *so* relate! My denial has gone on for YEARS and taken so much from my life.  Be *proud* of yourself for being so young and for it only being 2 years.

I was about your age when I woke up the first time, then my mom started soothing me, saying what I most needed to hear from her to keep me chained to the (different) dysfunction in our family and I gave in.  I beat myself up endlessly for that!  For being so passive, and weak and needy for her affection.
(by different, I mean that our dysfunction was different than yours...my dad enabled her non-sexual abusive ways)

Stay strong, beautiful girl! No matter what you mom or step-dad may come back saying, no matter how sweet their words or how deeply they may touch a needy place in you. Stay strong! Trust your gut, and believe in your perceptions! You are worth far more than what has been dealt you and God is on your side in this!  He wants you safe and loved and strong.

Quote from: mommydi on Tue Mar 14, 2017 - 09:17:57

Quote from: MeMyself on Tue Mar 14, 2017 - 08:56:14

Quote from: TonkaTim on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 21:59:46
Sasha, if you worry that your mother would pick him over you, then your mother has a problem. Not you.

Yes! Yesyesyes!!!

I couldn't respond when I read of your fear, Sasha of her choosing him over you and even being willing to lie about your character to cover up his obvious character flaws, but I wept.

Your mother cannot be trusted, dear one.  Please guard your heart so that you do not allow her to emotionally black-male you into doubting yourself or allowing him to have access to you OR your future children! She is just as dangerous to you as he is because she has been faced with truth and has chosen NOT to be a protector of YOU, her precious child! You are a gift from God, and she should love you more than her own self.

God bless you, honey.  May you find support and love, and someone to stand with you against this terrible wrong being perpetrated upon you.

I agree.

IMO, the most hurtful and damaging consequences of this whole situation is the mother shifting the blame back onto her daughter when the daughter came to her for help. That's the lowest blow of all.
The same thing happened to a friend of mine - years ago. She went to her mother and told her mom that her step-father and step-grandfather were both having sex with her. Her mother got angry and blamed her for the men's actions.
Years later, my friend tried to work on forgiveness for all involved, just so the hurt and betrayal wouldn't eat her alive. She told me that it was easier to forgive the two men who sexually molested her than her own mother who blamed her when she went to her for help.

That is awful. I feel for your friend.

I know my stepfather would never rape me because unlike with fondling and slapping, you cannot say that the rape was just innocent or playful. My stepfather isn't dumb. He knows what he can and cannot get away with. And my mother isn't that delusional and depraved that she would try to excuse rape. If I believed she was, I would have moved out a long time ago.

Quote from: SashaBear on Tue Mar 14, 2017 - 11:13:44

Quote from: mommydi on Tue Mar 14, 2017 - 09:17:57

Quote from: MeMyself on Tue Mar 14, 2017 - 08:56:14

Quote from: TonkaTim on Mon Mar 13, 2017 - 21:59:46
Sasha, if you worry that your mother would pick him over you, then your mother has a problem. Not you.

Yes! Yesyesyes!!!

I couldn't respond when I read of your fear, Sasha of her choosing him over you and even being willing to lie about your character to cover up his obvious character flaws, but I wept.

Your mother cannot be trusted, dear one.  Please guard your heart so that you do not allow her to emotionally black-male you into doubting yourself or allowing him to have access to you OR your future children! She is just as dangerous to you as he is because she has been faced with truth and has chosen NOT to be a protector of YOU, her precious child! You are a gift from God, and she should love you more than her own self.

God bless you, honey.  May you find support and love, and someone to stand with you against this terrible wrong being perpetrated upon you.

I agree.

IMO, the most hurtful and damaging consequences of this whole situation is the mother shifting the blame back onto her daughter when the daughter came to her for help. That's the lowest blow of all.
The same thing happened to a friend of mine - years ago. She went to her mother and told her mom that her step-father and step-grandfather were both having sex with her. Her mother got angry and blamed her for the men's actions.
Years later, my friend tried to work on forgiveness for all involved, just so the hurt and betrayal wouldn't eat her alive. She told me that it was easier to forgive the two men who sexually molested her than her own mother who blamed her when she went to her for help.

That is awful. I feel for your friend.

I know my stepfather would never rape me because unlike with fondling and slapping, you cannot say that the rape was just innocent or playful. My stepfather isn't dumb. He knows what he can and cannot get away with. And my mother isn't that delusional and depraved that she would try to excuse rape. If I believed she was, I would have moved out a long time ago.

You may feel secure in that he would never take things further than he has but often men like that are simply testing the waters or seeing how far they can go, the slaps are simply him denying that he has any attraction to you, a kind of self-redemption.

Things have been going well this week.  Just now my stepfather said, "You asked me not to bother you and notice I haven't been bothering you. You don't have to lock your door".  In the past , I would have stopped locking my door, but I know I gotta keep the boundaries I set so he takes me seriously. My door is staying locked.

Anyway, I'm posting here today because I want your advice on something.

I worked really hard this past Summer to start saving up to buy a car in the future. I think it would be cool to able to say that I bought my first car with my own money. Well yesterday my mom told me that her and my stepfather were gonna get me a car...I reminded her that I wanted to buy my first car myself and she said, "Don't be naive".  What do yoy guys think? Would it be "naive" to turn down a free car?

When my mom and stepfather bought me a computer, my stepfather used that to get me to hug him. Those hugs turned innapropiate. I don't want him thinking that him buying me a car would get him any "special rights". Of course I would be grateful that he helped me, but this is a hard decision because of our history. 

Quote from: SashaBear on Wed Mar 15, 2017 - 18:22:17
Things have been going well this week.  Just now my stepfather said, "You asked me not to bother you and notice I haven't been bothering you. You don't have to lock your door".  In the past , I would have stopped locking my door, but I know I gotta keep the boundaries I set so he takes me seriously. My door is staying locked.

Anyway, I'm posting here today because I want your advice on something.

I worked really hard this past Summer to start saving up to buy a car in the future. I think it would be cool to able to say that I bought my first car with my own money. Well yesterday my mom told me that her and my stepfather were gonna get me a car...I reminded her that I wanted to buy my first car myself and she said, "Don't be naive".  What do yoy guys think? Would it be "naive" to turn down a free car?

When my mom and stepfather bought me a computer, my stepfather used that to get me to hug him. Those hugs turned innapropiate. I don't want him thinking that him buying me a car would get him any "special rights". Of course I would be grateful that he helped me, but this is a hard decision because of our history.

I see both sides of that. Them buying you a car will give them a sense of control over you. At the drop of a hat they may throw it up to you for whatever reason.  You buying yourself a car gives you a great "feeling" of independence which is awesome!

...but be smarter than that. Take them up on their offer but drill into them of how thankful you are for their gift and make sure they know that you can only accept it as a gift and that they understand what a gift is.... your step father can cry wolf for only so long.. don't let him cry and beg for handling you any longer. Turn it around on him

Use your hard earnings on gas, maintenance and insurance---it's expensive.  You are a smart cookie- take advantage of it and thank God for everything.

Quote from: SashaBear on Wed Mar 15, 2017 - 18:22:17
Things have been going well this week.  Just now my stepfather said, "You asked me not to bother you and notice I haven't been bothering you. You don't have to lock your door".  In the past , I would have stopped locking my door, but I know I gotta keep the boundaries I set so he takes me seriously. My door is staying locked.

Anyway, I'm posting here today because I want your advice on something.

I worked really hard this past Summer to start saving up to buy a car in the future. I think it would be cool to able to say that I bought my first car with my own money. Well yesterday my mom told me that her and my stepfather were gonna get me a car...I reminded her that I wanted to buy my first car myself and she said, "Don't be naive".  What do yoy guys think? Would it be "naive" to turn down a free car?

When my mom and stepfather bought me a computer, my stepfather used that to get me to hug him. Those hugs turned innapropiate. I don't want him thinking that him buying me a car would get him any "special rights". Of course I would be grateful that he helped me, but this is a hard decision because of our history.

Cool or not ~ being able to say that you bought your first car with your own money ~, is not the matter. The matter is what is right and good for you and for others as well, and what pleases God. You seem to be a smart and godly young lady and knows what is right and good for you and for your mom and stepfather. Remember, setting the boundaries with your stepfather is a sacrifice you've taken for goodness sake, for both of you, which is also good for your mom. And I suppose that you took that decision out of love. There is grace in every loving sacrifice Sasha.

Regarding the matter of them buying you a car, I can see that you have some fear and doubts. Know that anything done with doubt, that is, without faith, is sin. And without faith, God is not pleased.

Considering all these and the situation you're in right now, it's wise to not look and consider the offer at this point. Don't let the flesh get to you, rather, continue to follow the good and wise spirit in you, knowing that, doing so will bring about the greatest good, not only for you, but also for mom and stepfather.

Turning down a free car may be naive, but only to the carnal minded person.

Thanks for sharing your opinions, guys. I agree that I should not take up their offer at this point. It just doesn't seem right.

Quote from: SashaBear on Wed Mar 15, 2017 - 22:14:00
Thanks for sharing your opinions, guys. I agree that I should not take up their offer at this point. It just doesn't seem right.

You shouldn't have to be worrying about these things. Follow your heart and may God be with you.

Quote from: SashaBear on Wed Mar 15, 2017 - 18:22:17
Things have been going well this week.  Just now my stepfather said, "You asked me not to bother you and notice I haven't been bothering you. You don't have to lock your door".  In the past , I would have stopped locking my door, but I know I gotta keep the boundaries I set so he takes me seriously. My door is staying locked.

Anyway, I'm posting here today because I want your advice on something.

I worked really hard this past Summer to start saving up to buy a car in the future. I think it would be cool to able to say that I bought my first car with my own money. Well yesterday my mom told me that her and my stepfather were gonna get me a car...I reminded her that I wanted to buy my first car myself and she said, "Don't be naive".  What do yoy guys think? Would it be "naive" to turn down a free car?

When my mom and stepfather bought me a computer, my stepfather used that to get me to hug him. Those hugs turned innapropiate. I don't want him thinking that him buying me a car would get him any "special rights". Of course I would be grateful that he helped me, but this is a hard decision because of our history.

I would do what you have decided and save for it yourself. Especially if you are moving out soon. He may well sort of expect a favour in return again. 

Quote from: chosenone on Thu Mar 16, 2017 - 01:13:36

Quote from: SashaBear on Wed Mar 15, 2017 - 18:22:17
Things have been going well this week.  Just now my stepfather said, "You asked me not to bother you and notice I haven't been bothering you. You don't have to lock your door".  In the past , I would have stopped locking my door, but I know I gotta keep the boundaries I set so he takes me seriously. My door is staying locked.

Anyway, I'm posting here today because I want your advice on something.

I worked really hard this past Summer to start saving up to buy a car in the future. I think it would be cool to able to say that I bought my first car with my own money. Well yesterday my mom told me that her and my stepfather were gonna get me a car...I reminded her that I wanted to buy my first car myself and she said, "Don't be naive".  What do yoy guys think? Would it be "naive" to turn down a free car?

When my mom and stepfather bought me a computer, my stepfather used that to get me to hug him. Those hugs turned innapropiate. I don't want him thinking that him buying me a car would get him any "special rights". Of course I would be grateful that he helped me, but this is a hard decision because of our history.

I would do what you have decided and save for it yourself. Especially if you are moving out soon. He may well sort of expect a favour in return again.

^^^^^
And possible that when you do move with the grandfolks the car will be taken back because you are no longer living at home.

Save and buy it yourself.

I bought my first car myself and it was truly a wonderful feeling of accomplishment.

Sasha girl, boy they are testing you!  Trying to get you to unlock your door and then trying to "buy" you with a new car and making you second guess your polite "no thank you".

Stick to your guns, dear one!  No is your best friend right now.  It will protect you and keep you safe and out from under their guilt and control and his abusive and disrespectful behavior.

If necessary you can file CRIMINAL charges against this CREEP.
No one has the right to hit another and no one need put up with it!

I fear your mother isn't doing her job as a mother.
I don't care if you are the worse step child ever you shouldn't be hit by anyone!

I raised three step daughters. I could do NOTHING right.
It's the step parent curse.
I never laid a hand on them. Had I hit them the mother would have beat me silly THEN
put me in jail!
It IS domestic violence.
Call the police, make a report, if need be sign a warrant charging him with domestic assault.
( I'm a retired police officer. )
If the guy does it again it's a FELONY and he goes to prison, not just jail.
If need be there are kind volunteers that will give you a secret & secure place to live
till this gets resolved.
Domestic violence is NOT tolerated.
I knew a mother with a 14 year old girl. I took a report from the girl at the request of
the girls teacher.
The "step" had been sexually abusing her since age 11!
She told mother but she DIDN'T believer her. That's a common form of denial.
I gathered enough evidence and arrested the molester.
I was good at getting confessions and he admitted it, got 20 to 40 years in prison.
Child molesters don't to well in prison. Even vile criminals have kids ya know.

DO NOT put up with abuse of any kind. Resources are available.
You are not alone.

Quote from: jeager on Mon Mar 20, 2017 - 15:41:39
If necessary you can file CRIMINAL charges against this CREEP.
No one has the right to hit another and no one need put up with it!

I fear your mother isn't doing her job as a mother.
I don't care if you are the worse step child ever you shouldn't be hit by anyone!

I raised three step daughters. I could do NOTHING right.
It's the step parent curse.
I never laid a hand on them. Had I hit them the mother would have beat me silly THEN
put me in jail!
It IS domestic violence.
Call the police, make a report, if need be sign a warrant charging him with domestic assault.
( I'm a retired police officer. )
If the guy does it again it's a FELONY and he goes to prison, not just jail.
If need be there are kind volunteers that will give you a secret & secure place to live
till this gets resolved.
Domestic violence is NOT tolerated.
I knew a mother with a 14 year old girl. I took a report from the girl at the request of
the girls teacher.
The "step" had been sexually abusing her since age 11!
She told mother but she DIDN'T believer her. That's a common form of denial.
I gathered enough evidence and arrested the molester.
I was good at getting confessions and he admitted it, got 20 to 40 years in prison.
Child molesters don't to well in prison. Even vile criminals have kids ya know.

DO NOT put up with abuse of any kind. Resources are available.
You are not alone.

Thank you. It's nice to here this from a stepfather. Sometimes I forget that not all stepfather are like mine.

I will not put up with any abuse of any kind anymore. I got an after school job so I'm barely ever home anymore and I move out in June. Things are looking up for me.