Christian Forums

• 1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
• 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
• 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
• 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten.
• 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Ask spouse for help.
• 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
• 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from shelf and set to one side for gluing later.
• 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down the straw.
• 9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
• 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
• 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
• 12. Retrieve cat from neighbor's tree. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
• 13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, get heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
• 14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
• 15. Arrange for Humane Society to come get cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any dogs.

• 1. Wrap it in bacon.

Quote from: MrQuietGuy on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:03:27
I know from experience -- it's true.

Quote from: OneLung on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 14:58:45

Dogs are, without a doubt, mans best friend.

Quote from: MrQuietGuy on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:16:56
When I said it's true, I didn't mean I prefer dogs. I mean it's true about how to give a cat a pill. That's what I love about them. They're independent like me.

Quote from: Mere Nick on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:19:10
Cockroaches are independent, too, and are about as useful.

Quote from: MrQuietGuy on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:16:56
When I said it's true, I didn't mean I prefer dogs. I mean it's true about how to give a cat a pill. That's what I love about them. They're independent like me.

Quote from: OneLung on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:26:33
That's because cats are Democrats and dogs are Republicans.

Quote from: Mere Nick on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:31:53

Quote from: OneLung on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:26:33
That's because cats are Democrats and dogs are Republicans.

Probably, since dogs have the capacity to be decent creatures.

Quote from: Mere Nick on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:12:08

Quote from: OneLung on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 14:58:45

Dogs are, without a doubt, mans best friend.

Yes they are, and cats are vermin.  Why bother giving a cat a pill?  Just shoot it.

Quote from: Mystery Man on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:10:37
Then why do they crap all over your lawn, and the cat buries its crap ?

Take the hint.  The cat loves you and the dog hates you.

That is why I have both a cat and a dog = Balance

Quote from: OneLung on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 15:26:33
That's because cats are Democrats and dogs are Republicans.

Quote from: OneLung on Mon Mar 02, 2009 - 17:06:47
MM, my dog says, "Woof you."