Facing the Fact: I Have An Addiction to Internet Porn part 2

In my introductory column I explained how I was exposed to pornographic material (in the form of magazines) for the first time in my life, at the age of thirteen. That exposure grew into a consuming addiction.

Now, at the age of 44, looking back I can see how both God and Satan were at work in my life. I am now free from my addiction by the Grace of God, and through my faith in Christ Jesus. However, It took many years of Spiritual Battle to get here.

The fact is that in Spiritual Warfare there really aren’t any rules. Satan is ruthless, and he will use any and all means at his disposal to attack and destroy us. The only rules that Satan has to follow are those dictated by God.

Consider the case of Job, during his first test. Satan came with the angels as they presented themselves before the Lord. God and Satan had a conversation over Job’s faithfulness. Satan indicated that Job had good reasons for fearing God. Satan said, “But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face (Job 1:11).” The Lord said to Satan, “Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger (Job 1:12).”

So, you may be asking, “What is the point in bringing this up?” The point is that when I was thirteen years old, it seems that Satan was using my own family against me to lead me into temptation, and what he hoped would be my eternal destruction.

Think about it. That’s pretty ruthless! Examine the situation with me.

The stage had been set. My cousin, fifteen years old at the time, had already known about “the stash” of magazines. Our parents were going out for the evening, and my cousin and I would be staying alone together at his house for many hours.

So, now I ask you, “Do you see Satan at work here at all?” I attribute the events of the evening to Satan because of the affect they had on me for the next three decades. Yes, three decades. I have to believe that something so powerful and so damaging could not result from the mischief of a couple of teenage boys. Furthermore, if I don’t attribute it to Satan, that means the responsibility for this evildoing must fall to other people in my family. It would have to fall to my cousin for showing me the magazines. It would have to fall to my uncle who brought these magazines home and left them in a place where they could be easily detected by us. It would have to fall to my parents, for allowing me to remain in an unsupervised situation for too long a time period, and for not equipping me with the knowledge of how to handle a situation such as this if it ever presented itself. It’s not that I am trying to shift the blame to Satan, it’s just that I can’t imagine anyone in my family wanting to harm me by purposefully contributing to my addiction.

That evening, so many years ago, I saw images of women that created a craving inside of me that I will never forget. I believe that my cousin loves me, as we have been more like brothers than cousins. I do not believe he would have shown me those magazines if he knew what would happen to me as a result. I also believe that my parents love me, and therefore, would not have let this situation occur if they knew what would happen.

So, I’m left with the burning (no pun intended) question, “Who or what was behind this?” My answer, the only answer as I see it, is Satan. By the way, I have never asked my cousin if his Dad (my uncle) showed him the magazines, or if he found them on his own. I might ask him someday, but it would have to be done very carefully. You see, my cousin is still Jewish. I was born and raised in the Jewish faith, but I put my trust in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was thirty-three. But as you might imagine, my conversion to Christianity has caused a great deal of tension in my family. Now more than ever, my family is struggling to understand what I do, and why I do it!

Hello, my name is Ian J. Drucker. I am writing a continuing column for Grace Centered on the subject of Internet Pornography. I am the President of IMD Ministries, which I founded with my wife (Marti). I will be sharing a lot about my life, my personal struggles with this addiction, how my addiction impacted my marriage, and most importantly how this addiction drove me to my knees in prayer begging God for deliverance.