It’s sometimes a tough call — when to keep a thing to yourself or when to disclose it. The issue isn’t revealing it to God, of course, for everything is open to him.
It’s the matter of sharing with a human being who might not keep the matter in confidence or use the information with integrity.
Our society became a let-it-all-hang-out culture somewhere along the line. Bestseller lists are filled with kiss-and-tell autobiographies. Magazines and tabloids at the checkout counter feature the latest expose of some actor, politician or athlete. And they apparently sell — or they’d be replaced with copies of The New Yorker or The Tennessean.
Such a culture has in turn cultivated a mindset that has some people willing to tell much more than anybody else needs or wants to know about them. “I have a disease called ‘spontaneous disclosure,'” says actress Kelly Ripa. “I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously.” We’ve all known the occasional person whose favorite topic is self. There’s even a word in our dictionary for that self-absorbed, egocentric soul — narcissist.
It is more than wearisome to be around that person and to hear repeated tales of either whining or boasting, how life has been so unfair to him or how she knows how everyone should act, and what he has accomplished or what she has. Give it a rest! “Spontaneous disclosure” is a disease with a tell-tale odor. It smacks not only of self-absorption but of emotional insecurity and spiritual immaturity.
Yet the fact remains that all of us need a few safe persons with whom everything can be shared. All God’s children have baggage! And there must be a safe place for opening, unpacking and rearranging the content of our souls. There are wounds and successes, childhood deficits and family advantages, bad breaks and incomprehensible good fortune — they all need to be processed.
Except for the exhibitionists among us, healthy and productive self-disclosure is a challenge. But God knew we would need it, so Scripture says this: “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed” (James 5:16 The Message).
Mates to one another, children to parents, godly shepherds, trusted friends, mature teachers — these are some of the persons from whom we expect love and support. In other cases, there are covenant groups, 12-step groups, or therapists who can be helpful. But everybody needs somebody who will care, try to understand, and provide an occasional insight.
Narcissism is both unhealthy and offensive. But don’t confuse it with your need to develop those few close relationships we all need to deal with this thing called life. And cultivate the ability to be a trusted friend whose presence is Christ to others.