Before I established a relationship with Jesus Christ, and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior, I thought that I was a good person. I was nice to people for all intents and purposes. I managed to stay away from drugs and alcohol, and I never got into any trouble with the police.
I was very concerned with conforming to behaviors that would lead to my being accepted and approved by my parents, not causing them any trouble.
I started viewing pornographic magazines when I was 13 years old. Although my first exposure to them was somewhat accidental, I couldn’t keep the images of the women in them out of my head. Due to my desire to be a parent pleaser, I kept my feelings a secret. I didn’t tell anyone for fear of being exposed and shamed, and I continued to find ways to view more and more magazines. My desire to view pornography continued to grow, and while I was in High School I began visiting strip clubs on Friday and Saturday evenings. After that, I started going on Saturday afternoons. Then I would go any day of the week that I could fit it into my schedule, and come up with the money.
As I worked my way through college I continued to please my sinful nature to gaze upon beautiful women. Looking back, I can actually see that I used this as a crutch. I now realize that I grew my addiction of lusting by using it as a reward system for myself. I would stop by the local strip club after a long night of studying. This was especially the case after studying calculus for hours on end, which was extremely taxing on the brain. After all, I deserved the much needed distraction and pleasure that this would bring. Besides that, it was legal and I wasn’t really hurting anyone (This is of course a lie directly from the enemy).
I actually believed that this type of behavior was harmless, and absolutely normal, for a long time. The truth, however, was that I had a problem and it was getting ready to wreak havoc and destruction in my life. This behavior was now becoming ritualistic and habitual. It became part of my life, and I started to plan it into my weekly schedule and budget.
Striving to please my sinful nature, in every aspect of my life, led me to have sex with women before marriage. In fact, it wasn’t even a major decision that I struggled with before it happened (It was a no brainer).
Galatians 6:7-8 says, “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.”
I now understand that the most tragic thing that happened to me in my early twenties was inevitable, given the way that I was thinking. I caught a sexually transmitted disease (STD) from being immoral and pleasing my sinful nature.
I know personally with all of my heart that God cannot be mocked. I reaped what I sowed, and I may be reaping it for the rest of my life. I am reaping the destruction that came from my unquenchable desire to please the desires of my sinful nature. Although the disease that I caught isn’t life threatening, there still isn’t a cure. I am likely to have it the rest of my physical life.
I know that God has forgiven me of my sins. I have been cleansed by His grace and my faith in His Son Jesus Christ. Nonetheless, I still have the consequences of my sinful actions with which to contend. God never promises us that forgiveness eliminates consequences. On the contrary He warns us that our sinful acts lead to destruction.
I am so thankful that I have repented, that I have made Christ the Lord and Savior of my life. Seeking to live by and to please the Spirit, I know with all of my heart that I will reap eternal life.