Spouse feels like roommate.

When Your Spouse Feels Like A Roommate

In the context of Christian marriage, the concept of reigniting the spark between spouses is not only about sustaining love and passion but also about honoring the covenant made before God.

Marriage, as described in the Bible, is a sacred union that reflects the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:25-32).

Therefore, the effort to deepen the connection and rekindle the passion in marriage is not just beneficial for the couple but is also an act of worship and obedience to God’s design for marriage.

Let’s explore how couples can reignite the spark in their marriage through a Christian lens, incorporating biblical principles and scriptures.

Understanding Love Progression in Marriage

The journey of marriage often begins with intense feelings of love and joy, comparable to the romantic love depicted in Song of Solomon.

However, as life progresses, couples may find these feelings evolving or diminishing, leading to periods where the relationship feels more functional than passionate.

It’s important for Christian couples to recognize that love in marriage is multifaceted and dynamic.

Biblical Insight: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 teaches us about the enduring nature of love.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

It’s patient, kind, not envious or boastful, and it perseveres.

This passage reminds us that love within marriage is not just about feelings but about a choice to love our partner as Christ loves the Church.

Reigniting the Spark Through God’s Love

Biblical Insight: Ecclesiastes 4:12 states that “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

In marriage, when both spouses intertwine their lives with God, their relationship is strengthened and more resilient.

Therefore, marriage is a covenant, not just between a husband and wife but between each person and God.

So the commitment in marriage is not just to keeping our vow to each other but also to God.

We have committed ourselves to two entities – our spouse and God.

That can be a motivating factor when marriage seems difficult and giving up seems more attractive than our spouse at the moment.

We must remember that our vows were before God and a covenant was entered into with Him.

Prioritizing Physical Intimacy

Sex in marriage is a gift from God meant to be enjoyed within the bounds of the marital covenant.

It is an expression of love and a physical manifestation of the two becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

Rekindling this aspect of marriage involves open communication about desires and needs, ensuring that both partners feel loved and valued.

Biblical Insight: 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 commands spouses not to deprive each other of physical intimacy, highlighting its importance in maintaining a strong bond and safeguarding the marriage from temptation.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Physical intimacy, within the sanctity of marriage, holds a profound significance in Christian relationships.

It is more than a mere physical connection; it is a spiritual bond that echoes the deep, intimate love that Christ has for the Church.

This facet of marriage is a gift from God, designed not only for procreation but also for the mutual joy and comfort of both partners, reinforcing the “one flesh” unity that marriage symbolizes (Genesis 2:24).

To fully embrace and reignite this vital aspect of marriage, couples can look to biblical principles and practical steps that honor God while enhancing their physical connection.

The Biblical Foundation of Physical Intimacy

Scripture affirms the importance and purity of physical intimacy within marriage.

In Hebrews 13:4, the marriage bed is described as “undefiled,” reinforcing that sexual relations, within the boundaries of marriage, are pure and intended by God.

Proverbs 5:18-19 further encourages spouses to find joy and satisfaction in each other, emphasizing the beauty of physical love in marriage.

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

Nurturing Intimacy

Physical intimacy is deeply intertwined with emotional connection.

Strengthening your emotional bond—through quality time, meaningful conversations, and shared spiritual practices—can enhance physical closeness. The emotional safety and trust built through these activities create a stronger foundation for a fulfilling intimate life.

The Importance of Intentionality

In the busyness of life, couples may find it challenging to prioritize physical intimacy.

Being intentional about creating time and space for one another is key.

This might involve planning special evenings together or simply ensuring that your bedroom is a welcoming and peaceful sanctuary free from distractions.

Ephesians 5:15-16 reminds us to make the most of every opportunity, which can also apply to nurturing the marital relationship.

Addressing Challenges with Grace and Love

Challenges to physical intimacy, such as health issues, stress, or past trauma, can arise in any marriage.

Approaching these challenges with grace, patience, and a willingness to seek help when needed reflects the love and commitment you have for each other.

Galatians 6:2 encourages us to bear one another’s burdens, which includes supporting each other through difficulties affecting your physical relationship.

Continuous Learning and Growth

Just as spiritual and emotional growth is a lifelong journey, so is the exploration of physical intimacy in marriage.

Couples can grow together by learning about each other’s changing bodies and preferences.

This might involve reading Christian books on marriage, attending workshops, or seeking counseling from a Christian perspective.

Always approach this learning process with an open heart and a desire to honor God and your spouse.

Reigniting physical intimacy in a Christian marriage is about much more than the physical act; it’s about honoring God’s design for marriage, celebrating the gift of marital unity, and building a deep, holistic connection that mirrors the intimacy God desires to have with us.

Through open communication, intentional actions, prayer, and a commitment to growth, couples can experience a profound and joyous physical bond that strengthens their marriage and glorifies God.

Date Nights and Quality Time

Setting aside regular time for date nights and quality moments together can help couples reconnect and remember the reasons they fell in love.

This time should be free from distractions and focused on nurturing the relationship.

Biblical Insight: Proverbs 5:18-19 advises rejoicing with our spouse and finding joy and satisfaction in your marital relationship.

These moments of joy are not just for the early days of marriage but are to be pursued throughout the marriage.

Serving Each Other in Love

Galatians 5:13 encourages us to serve one another humbly in love.

In marriage, this means putting your spouse’s needs above your own and showing love through actions.

Acts of service can reignite the spark by demonstrating love in tangible ways that deeply touch your spouse’s heart.

Overcoming Challenges with Faith

Marriage will face challenges, but facing them with faith can bring couples closer.

Philippians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us.

By relying on God’s strength and wisdom, couples can navigate difficult times while growing stronger together.

Conclusion: A Lifelong Journey of Love

Reigniting the spark in a Christian marriage is a continuous journey that requires effort, commitment, and faith.

By embracing God’s design for marriage, couples can experience a deeper, more fulfilling relationship that not only benefits them but also glorifies God.

Remember, that as married couples, we should prioritize our marriage not just to rekindle romance but to reflect Christ’s love and commitment to the Church.

If your marriage is struggling, get my free minicourse to save your marriage!



Lee is a marriage coach with more than 20 years of experience in the marriage-enrichment service. He attended Freed-Hardeman University, Trevecca Nazarene University, and has a diploma in marriage and family counseling.